Kiss the Girl
by Fleur the First
Summary: *FINISHED 4/16!* Everybody knows Ron is hung up on Hermione. After a considerable bit of whining, and some threats on Harry's part, a select group of people come together to play the chaotic came of matchmaking, much to Ron's chagrin.
1. Prologue

**Kiss the Girl**

**Prologue**

**~*~**

Author's Note: I know, I know, there are more important things I should be working on. Among other things the three other stories I have out, and the prologue of another I have pending. But hey, when one's muse kicks down the door, you do as they say, or suffer the consequences. As of late I've been very involved in a bunch of **other** people's good stories. Many of which don't feature one of my favorite ships, Ron and Hermione. I decided to make it up to myself by writing a story about my favorite couple's first kiss. And let's not forget the hectic events leading up to it.

Disclaimer: I wonder what will happen if I refuse to denounce my claim over Harry Potter. I mean, really, what's the worst that could happen? ::Anvil falls from the ceiling, effectively splattering the author all over the carpet::

***

          "Ron, not only are you acting like a coward, but you're just getting on my nerves."

          "But—"

          "No buts! If I hear one more word about how scared you are of 'dealing with Hermione' I'm going to tell Dobby that you are indeed **not** my friend, and to leave giant spiders under your covers."

          "You wouldn't dare!"

          "Maybe. Maybe not."

***

Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry was an odd place, that could not be denied. Many would be insulted if it were. Among other events that took place in the castle—such as the brewing of potions, transfiguration of small animals, and dealing with very large, very nasty creatures—hormones were running rampant. The owners of many of these hormones can easily be put aside on behalf of the fact that this story is not about them, for nobody really cares who Dean Thomas is necking in the broom closet, it is the other, more famous developments that this story focuses on.

Harry and Ginny, you say? No, terribly sorry, dear readers, not this story. My tale is intended to bring about the challenges one red-haired boy had with expressing his feelings (very hard for men to do) towards a certain know-it-all girl (we love her for it!), named Hermione Granger. Ronald Weasley is many things, a procrastinator, a recognized hero, and also very tall. As of late, 'whiny' is what his friend Harry would tell you about him.

So now I bring you to the class of Divinations, where the above conversation has just taken place.

***

Ron scowled at his friend Harry. Sure, he had tons of admiring fans, but they didn't know his evil side. So what if the dark-haired boy had defeated an evil lord a couple of times, he'd also just threatened Ron with his worst fear. Who needed a friend like that?

          "Harry?" Ron whispered.

His companion raised a dark eyebrow, "I thought you weren't speaking to me."

          "I've decided to forgive and forget."

          "Very big of you."

          "Anyway, I'm still not sure what to do! Especially because I think she likes _you._" 

Harry sputtered; Ron had never accused Hermione of _that_ before. "What in the name of all that makes sense are you going on about?"

          "Remember? She kissed you at the train-station last year. I think she's in love with you." Ron sat back, looking thoroughly miserable. His goddess was in love with his best friend, how did the tune from that song in the Muggle play "Cats" go again? He hummed the only lines he knew, substituting the word 'memory' for 'misery.' 

          "Ron. I had just faced Voldemort—"

The very name was enough to shock Ron out of his private solo. "Don't say his name!"

Professor Trelawny, who had until now been discussing with the class the importance of washing one's hand before trying to read their own palm, shot the duo a glare.

          "Sorry Professor," They mumbled in unison. As soon as the woman's attention was otherwise deferred, Harry hissed in Ron's ear. "She only kissed me because she was worried you-know-who would come to the Dursley's over the summer and turn me into 'fried shrimp a la Potter.'"

          "Riiight."

          "Ron, you are impossible. Trust me, have I ever let you down before?"

          "Well, not in so many words." Ron smiled at his friend. "But I guess you could be right, with Dumbledore so anxious and all." Harry rolled his eyes; finally, his friend was getting the idea. "So, what do you think I should do then, Mr. 'I-know-everything-because-I'm-the-stinkin'-boy-who-lived?' Ravage her in the hallway?"

          "Ron, don't you have any concern for the possible nightmare factor of others?"

          "Not when it's you. Now, come on Harry, what should I do?" Harry looked off into the distance, a mischievous twinkle appearing in his bright-green eyes.

          "I think we need to draw up some plans. Call in the recruits, you know the drill."

Ron looked questioningly at Harry. "Since when did you get so involved in my love-life?"

Harry grinned, "Since I decided the only way to make you leave me alone was to help you."

          "What a pal."

***

Later that night…

          "But Harry, I don't want to tell _Ginny_ that I like Hermione."

"Ron, everybody in a ten mile radius _but Hermione_ knows you like Hermione."

          "That's not true!"

Harry and Ron were standing in the common room of Gryffindor Tower. Harry had been in the lead, until Ron had found that he was taking them to Ginny. Harry sighed at his friend's relentless denial. They only had precious moments before Hermione returned from Arithmancy, and it could not be wasted. He supposed he'd just have to prove to Ron that his not-so-secret love was practically known to all of Britain and Scotland. Spying Neville from across the room, Harry grinned wickedly. Striding over to the larger boy, Harry tapped his classmate's shoulder. "Hey, Neville?"

          "Yes, Harry?" Neville turned around, diverting his attention from the large textbook he had been studying.

          "Who does Ron like?"

          "Why, Hermione, of course. What kind of question is that?"

          "Thank you!" Harry grabbed a hold of Ron's arm, starting to ascend the stairs of the girl's dormitory, despite the taller boy's annoyed features. Though Harry had refrained from saying 'I told you so' he still knew Ron was cross with him. 'Not that I care,' he thought to himself. For Harry Potter was quiet fed up with the star-crossed demeanor his friend now wore like a shirt, and was ready to make Ron and Hermione an official couple. Of course, he still needed a little help from one with a female mind. Seeing how asking Hermione for help was out of the question, Ginny was the only option. 

He was going to have fun with this. 

Ron tried to look menacing as he glared once again. Almost knowing Harry's thoughts, the glare was forgotten in favor of a cringe. Why, oh _why_ had he made fun of Harry so much when he was acting like a dolt over Cho Chang?

Author's Note: So…keep going? Leave it at that? Burn it and move to San Salvador in shame? You tell me.

In other words…REVIEW!!!

Any and all emails can be sent to Fleur422@yahoo.com. A reply is guaranteed.


	2. The Love Letter, Sort of

Chapter 1

**The Love Letter…Sort of**

Author's Notes: You like me, you really like me! You guys made this chapter possible, without the encouragement that each one of you sent to me, through review or email, this chapter would have been a long time coming. For what better motivation is there than inspiration, you all helped me considerably. I also owe a debt of thanks to Meg for editing this chapter, although I'll be the first to admit she does get a bit pen-happy. 

Disclaimer: While many may think that Harry Potter is something they will never own, I know better. For while J.K. Rowling may have the copyright laws, it's her fans that make it worth it! However, as I am a poor and unknown writer, I'm not going to risk my pitiable "fortune." Therefore, I denounce any claims to Harry Potter. ::sobs::

***

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.         

-Carl Jung 

***

Ginny stared blankly at the two boys who stood before her, not only had they just sent her three roommates screaming from the room, but they were saying something about enlisting her. Ginny remembered vaguely learning about enlistment in History of Magic, and there was no way she was helping anybody with a Goblin Rebellion.

          "Ginny? Ginny, will you help us?" Harry's green eyes bore into hers, the same eyes she had compared to 'fresh-pickled toad,' only three years ago. Right there and then Ginny decided that she would _start_ a Goblin Rebellion if he kept gazing at her like that, though she was sure not to spout off any more poetry.

          "Sure, what do you want me to do?" She heard herself utter, followed by her brother's stifled laughter. Ginny blinked, then let her eyes focus once again on the two boys. Both were looking at her quizzically, and a heated blush rose to her cheeks. Why did Harry have the ability to make her turn into mush? And not even coherent mush, which would be much better than…well, mush.

After Harry explained why he was there again (he was able to pick up on the fact that Ginny looked a little lost), he looked to Ginny for a reply. 

          "So, let me get this straight. You want me to help you fix up Ron and Hermione? Poor Hermione, why would anybody want to date him?" She shot Ron a mock look of disgust, all while shaking her head.

          "I resent that!"

          "I think you were supposed to." Harry told him in a stage whisper.

          "This was a dumb idea anyway! I don't need you two to help me ask out Hermione, I'll be perfectly fine on my own!" With that, Ron stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Looking over at Ginny, Harry began to count.

          "One…two…three—"

          "Guys?" Ron's head was peaking in through the door, "She's in the common room, what do I do?"

Ginny rolled her eyes at her brother's antics, and was sure Harry was doing the same thing beside her. "Ron, why don't you just tell Hermione how you feel?"

Ron looked horrified, "But she'd laugh at me!"

          "Ron, why would Hermione laugh at you? I mean, sure she might try to analyze you, but never _laugh._"

          "Harry, you are being completely unsympathetic, and I for one am deeply ashamed of you." The redhead in the doorway countered.

          "Sorry, Mum." Harry hung his head. Ginny laughed at the frown on Ron's face.

          "Ron, you're making a big deal out of nothing, and Harry's only teasing you because of it! I've seen the way she looks at you, she _wants_ you to show an interest!"

Ron gulped, a green shade emerging on his face, "But what if I mess up? I don't think I could bear it if I said something stupid!"

          "Hermione's heard you say stupid things before."

          "This is true." Harry nodded at Ginny's remark.

Ron gave a pleading look towards Harry and Ginny, his large eyes seeming to double in size as he pouted his lip. "Don't you guys like me? Don't you want to help me, just this once?"

Harry closed his eyes against the look Ron was giving them, "Just moments ago you were mad at me because I wanted to let Ginny help us, now you're begging and pleading? If we're going to help you, you need to make up your mind—and get that look off your face, it's making me sick."

          "And you can't be yelling at us whenever we give advice you don't like! And Harry's right…that look is awful."

A grin split across Ron's features, as his face returned to its ordinary appearance. "Thanks, you won't regret this."

"I very much doubt that," Ginny retorted, grabbing some paper off her desk.

***

          "Are you sure about this? Why would Hermione want me to send her a letter if I see her every day?"

          "It's called being romantic." Ginny gazed at her brother as he pulled at the collar of his shirt. "Come on, just tell us what you want to write."

          "Start off simple," Harry put in, "Dear Hermione…" Ginny handed Ron a quill. It hadn't been easy escaping the object of Ron's letter. Ginny had played the nervous lookout as the boys snuck down the stairs, promising to follow suite only when Hermione was off heir trail. Taking only paper and a quill, the two boys had jogged to the library, the one place Hermione wouldn't look for them. Moments later Ginny appeared, looking out of breath and rather guilty. Hermione had apparently caught up to the younger student at the portrait hole, asking if she'd seen Ron or Harry. Ginny had told her they went down to the kitchen, causing Hermione to storm by as she went to halt the illegal proceedings. 

          "Er…Dear Hermione…"

          "We got that part," Harry told him.

          "Right, Dear Hermione, I just wanted to tell you that I don't think you're a smug prefect. You're not even bad looking, not at all really. I want you to know that, because I hope you don't mind if I like you. Not that I don't want you to—"

          "Stop right there!" Ginny stood up, horrified at Ron's mutilation of a simple love-letter. "You can't say _that_!"

          "Why not?" Ron bit his lower lip.

Harry dropped his head into his hands, starting to feel the beginnings of a headache. "Ron," He began, head still held, "If Hermione went up to you and said you weren't ugly and she didn't think you were really a git, would you believe she was complimenting you?"

          "Well, I suppose not. But how am I supposed to know what to tell her. I haven't exactly been spouting sonnets lately."

          "Do you even know what sonnets are?" Harry lifted his head.

          "Of course I do! They're those mush things that Mum likes, written my some muggle…Shimpspark or something."

          "Um…close enough. Do you remember any of the nicer things from them." Harry stared at Ron intently, causing his friend to fidget.

          "Well…they had stuff about being pretty, and nice, and feeling type things."

          "Feeling type things?" Ginny snickered.

          "Whatever, and I don't suppose you're the expert on poetry here, are you?"

Harry and Ginny both blushed crimson, as a smug grin appeared on Ron's face. Ginny shot him a mutinous glare, and if looks could kill, Harry suspected Ron would already be buried.

          "Can't you think of anything nice that Hermione would want to hear?" Harry pleaded.

Throwing the disused letter to the side, Ron began again. "Dear Hermione, I know I don't always tell you that I think you're pretty, and nice, and special, but you are. I know I can be stupid sometimes, always wanting to fight with you, but I can't help it, it's fun. I just want to let you know…" Ron trailed off.

          "Let her know what, Ron?" Ginny encouraged.

Just then a new voice entered into the conversation of the trio, and it wasn't Madame Pince's.

          "Hermione!" Harry yelped, knocking over his chair in his hurry to shield Ron. Taking the opportunity of the effective—though certainly not graceful—distraction Harry supplied, Ron shoved the unfinished letter into his bag. Ginny then grabbed the bag, roughly shoving it under the table.

          "Look who I found!" Ginny declared, shooting Ron a look for help.

          "Yes…er…me and Harry were studying for Potions, and Ginny found us while she was…"

          "Looking for a reference. Yes, that's what I was looking for." Ron glanced at Hermione, hoping she was buying Ginny's explanation.

          "Oh, well, that's good I suppose. I've been meaning to study for Potions too, so I'll just join you." She walked around Harry's still standing figure, sitting down in one of the library chairs. "Where are your books?"

Harry covered his alarm with a mask of wonder, "Oh, we must have forgotten them. Why don't I go back and get them, want to walk with me Ginny?" Ginny sat up, glad to be out of the awkward situation. "Surely, I found the reference before I caught up with you anyway. See you later Hermione!" And with that the two strode off, leaving a bewildered Ron to face she that he both loved and feared. Poor guy.

          "Really! I can't believe you forgot your books Ron! Thought I don't see why you couldn't just study in the Common Room." She looked over at her friend. "Are you okay, you look a little funny?"

          "Um…yeah, I don't really feel so good. Must be why I forgot my book, maybe I'll go to the infirmary."

          "You should do that Ron, you can't concentrate on your studies if you don't feel well. Maybe it's that flu bug that's going around."

"Must be," Ron nodded his head gravely, surprised Hermione was being so understanding. Really, couldn't she see the flashing letters on his face? He was sure there was a bulletin going across his forehead, reading, 'Ron wants to snog Hermione,' repeatedly. 

          "Do you want me to walk you there?" Hermione asked him, concern in her voice.

          "That's okay, Harry will be back soon, and he'll need be wondering if neither of us are here.

          "How silly of me, I forgot all about him. Well, if you're sure you're all right…" Hermione looked uneasy, and Ron tried to remember if she had ever seemed to worry over his being ill before. Scared that his imagination was getting the best of him, Ron grabbed his bag and excused himself, never looking back as he exited the library.

***

When Harry got back to the library, he found a very confused looking Hermione.

          "Where's Ron?"  He asked the brown-haired girl.

          "He looked kind of ill, I believe he went to the infirmary."

          "That coward," Harry said, forgetting Hermione didn't understand why Ron had probably been so eager to go the nurse.

          "Harry! Ron might be really sick, don't say that." She gave him an I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that look.

          "Er…you're absolutely right. Sorry."

          "Now," Hermione picked up Harry's textbook, "Let's start with section six…" Harry felt his headache coming back, not only did he have to deal with his lovesick friend, but now he had to spend some quality time with his potions book. 'I won't regret this, eh Ron,' Harry thought to himself as he sat down next to Hermione.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

And there's chapter one! Sorry for all those who hate me, but did you really expect them to settle everything in the first chapter? 

Why don't you tell me about it ^_~, I know how you can to! By reviewing! Go on, I know you want to. Really, you do.


	3. I Love You, Seamus?

**Kiss the Girl**

**Chapter Two**

**I Love You…Seamus?**

~*~****

**Author's Note:** Thanks to everybody for the reviews! I can't believe you all like this so much! I can only hope you keep up the pattern and review again…and again…and again… ::maniac gleam enters eyes::

::slaps self::

Really…I'm okay now.

**Disclaimer:** JK own Harry Potter. Me not own. You Reader. Me Fleur…Are you scared yet?

***
    
    I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
    
                 --Tom Lehrer

***

After Harry retrieved his wayward friend from the care of Madame Pomfrey—who could not for the life of her find a problem with Ron, but gave him some chocolate anyway—a long conversation took place on the meaning of being a Gryffindor. 

          "Bravery, courage…Any of these ringing a bell?" Harry said, giving Ron a withering look as they walked down a drafty corridor.

          "Harry, Hermione makes facing You-Know-Who look easy."

          "Okay, fine. I'll tell Hermione I love her and you can beat the Dark Lord. I've been waiting for ages for somebody to take the responsibility off my hands, and if you want to do it, so be it." Harry could not keep the ends of his lips from turning up, and soon broke out a smile.

The boys laughed at the comment, it was no secret that Harry was expected to kill Lord Voldemort; in fact it was taken for granted.

 But the way he had said it…they way Harry talked about You-Know-Who with such ease, sent a chill up Ron's spine. The taller boy decided not to press his concerns upon his friend; afraid of the answers he might receive.

***

After the two companions had given the Fat Lady the password (Snigglebuck) they mounted the steps of their quarter, thinking that they would just drop off their bags and go down to the Great Hall for dinner. However, when they got there, not all went as planned.

The second Harry and Ron were through the door the lights went off and the door was shut behind them. Harry withdrew his wand, easily giving the object the command for light, "Lumos!" Ron followed the example, and the two were very surprised to see not an imminent evil they faced, but their three roommates.

          "What the—"

          "Hey now," Dean pointed his wand at Ron, "Let's keep this PG." With that the boy reinstated the lights, revealing a very pissed Ron, and a speculating Harry."

          "Please gentlemen, have a seat." Harry raised an eyebrow, but plopped down on the bed anyway. Ron hesitated, but soon lowered his body next to Harry's.

Now it was Seamus' turn to speak. As he talked he began to pace, looking much like a military dictator in the pictures of old. "It has come to our attention, through the word of one Neville Longbottom—Neville was also in the room and blushed as his name was mentioned—that one, Harry Potter, has taken new lengths in pairing the two Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Do I speak truth?" He whirled then, facing the bed that held his two victims, for lack of a better word. 

Harry and Ron only stared.

          "ANSWER ME!"

The two boys nodded wildly, hoping the young Irish interrogator who stood before them would draw a point soon. Their prayers were answered as Dean got up from his chair and led Seamus to the recently vacated seat. "Seamus, man, relax." Leaving his friend behind him, Dean came before Harry and Ron. "You are charged with a very serious crime." He shook his head in mock despair.

          "And what would that be?" Ron gulped.

          "Why, not including us of course!" A grin grew across Dean's face as he pulled his two friends up. "You can't play matchmaker without me, Seamus and Neville!"

Harry and Ron both sighed in relief, glad to be out of their precarious position. "Of course we meant to include you," Harry lied, "But you beat us to the chase."

Dean gave Harry a look that seemed to say 'I'm not that dumb.' However, he didn't dwell long on the deception as he turned to Neville and called, "Bring out the charts!" Neville scurried to his trunk, only to retrieve two very large pieces of parchment. He magicked them to stay in the air (without blowing them up I might add,) and then used his wand as a pointer. "After much research the three of us have decided that Ron can only get the girl if he follows these suggestions." 

The parchment (In awful handwriting) read as such:

                   _"How to Get Ron and Hermiknee Together…"_

          "Real nice spelling on "Hermione" guys, but she's not something attached to my leg." Ron snickered.

          "Read!" Seamus barked. Everybody in the room did as he said, driven mostly by fear.

                   _"Step One: Practice _

_                   Step Two: Charm_

_Step Three: Serenade_

_Step Four: Admit undying love_

_Step Five: Get married and let Dean, Neville, and Seamus write a speech for your wedding _

_Step Six: Give birth to triplets and name them Dean, Neville, and Seamus. You can always name one of the girls Harriet."_

"Wow, guys," Ron gulped, "You sure put a lot of thought into this. Even our children are planned."

          "Not to everyone's liking," Harry mumbled.

          "Sometimes we even amaze ourselves," Dean said smugly.

Harry got up to investigate the parchment. "Not all of it looks completely ridiculous—" 

          "HEY!" Dean and Seamus cried in outrage. After a delayed period of time, Neville realized he too had been insulted, but didn't say anything as Dean and Seamus already had.  

          "—Take for example, "Practice," that has some merit to it. I mean, as long as it isn't anything that involves hanky-panky—I don't think Hermione would appreciate that." Ron blushed to the roots of his hair.

          "Of course it's not anything like _that_." Seamus scoffed. "Ron will simply tell one of us what he would tell Hermione, so he can practice what he wants to say. Judging by our reaction, we can tell if he should say that or not." The boy stood back and smiled to himself.

          "One-two-three, not it!" Dean cried.

          "Not it!" 

          "Me neither!"

And that left Seamus. "Hey, guys…why do I have to be Hermione?"

          "Because you explained the plan, you'll be the best out of any of us." Dean winked at Neville and Harry, "Won't he guys?" 

Harry and Neville were quick to voice their agreement. The former then pushed Ron to the floor where he landed on his knees, "Good positioning Ron," Started Neville, "Not the same as you would do for a proposal, but perfect for a declaration to your girl."

          "Did you just say 'your girl'?" 

          "No?"

          "I didn't think so."

          "Wait a minute!" Seamus cried, "I'm not ready yet!" And indeed, Seamus had disappeared behind his bed, only to come out again when a blanket was wrapped around his body, in the style of a very crude dress. It also seemed that Seamus' lips were a bit glossier than usual, but nobody seemed wanting to comment on that. One hand held a paper that had been crinkled into a makeshift fan, with which Seamus was "cooling" himself. "Ready," He said, in what he thought was a feminine voice.

          "Revolting," Dean whispered in Harry's ear.

          "Hermione is nothing like that!" Ron shouted.

Nobody realized that during this display the door had opened, revealing a perplexed redhead. "I should certainly hope not!" Ginny remarked.

Ron and Seamus blushed; Dean, Neville, and Harry fell to the floor in great gawuffs of laughter, barely able to breathe as they tried to sit up. Ginny rolled her eyes, as she entered and shut the door behind her. However, Ron swore he heard her snicker.

          "That's it! I'm not doing this!" Ron was now so red he might have been mistaken for a tomato.

          "Oh yes you are!" Harry said as he managed to pull himself up onto the bed, where he scooted over for Ginny. "Come on, we promise we won't laugh again." Dean and Neville nodded, Ginny just sat down next to Harry.

          "Okay, Ron, did you have something to tell me?" 'Hermione' said.

          "Um, yes, yes I did. Seamus…er…Hermione, I wanted to let you know I think you're wonderful. I really want you to know that, and to know that I will always be here for you, among all else as a friend. You see, I…" Ron trailed off, looking to Harry for support. However, it seemed Harry was pretending to cry on Ginny's right shoulder, as Dean sobbed on her left. Neville just kind of watched from his place on the floor.

          "Right," Ron continued, "I would like to be more than a friend though Sea—Hermione. I want to be able to hold you and tell you that I love you, even if I can't right now. So, what I'm trying to say…"

          "Yes, Ron." Seamus batted his eyelashes and cast a gaze to his suitor. (AN: Eww! How wrong is all this?)

 "Would you be my girlfriend?" Dean blew his nose.

Seamus, caught up in the moment, threw his arms around Ron. "Yes! Oh yes, Ron! And we can name the children after your lovely roommates!"

Ginny wiped a tear from her eyes as she uttered, "That was so beautiful." Dean nodded his head and Neville applauded wildly. Harry looked kind of grossed out.

Seamus had yet to let go Ron, though the latter party was trying to dissuade him, or her, or Seamus/Hermione…Oh whatever.

Just then the door opened to reveal none other than…

…

…

Fred and George! Well, them, and not to mention Hermione, who they were helping look for Ron and Harry.

"Oh my God!" Hermione screamed as she saw Seamus wearing his costume and hugging Ron. "What the bloody hell is going on here?" On noticing her arrival, Ron had given Seamus a final shove, causing the other boy to go flying into the wall. On seeing this spectacle the entourage on and by the bed fell over in hysterics, much to Hermione's vexation. It looked as if Ginny was trying to explain to Hermione the circumstance, but gave in to a fit of giggles as Hermione's face turned every color of the rainbow.

Fred and George smiled to themselves, there was nothing like the smell of chaos in the evening.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

All right, excuse me as I have a little evil laugh moment, will you?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Erm…thank you.

One explanation must be given here, and that's for Hermione's outburst. While this is very un-Hermione like behavior, I figured I would scream to if I walked in and saw my crush being hugged like that by one of his male friends, who just happened to be wearing a makeshift dress, wearing lip-gloss, and talking in a high pitched voice while said crush was on his knees.

I think that might have been a run on sentence. No matter, it's probably due to an awful disease that can only be cured by reviews. 

Don't you hate it when that happens? 


	4. Enter Fred and George

**Kiss the Girl**

**Chapter 3**

**Enter Fred and George**

**~*~**

Author's Note: This chapter alludes to an adult subject. However, I believe it was done rather tastefully and there is no reason to raise the rating of this chapter. If you feel differently, tell me in a review, and I'll take all accounts into consideration. But really, I don't think it's necessary. Enjoy!

Also, the more important author notes are on the bottom, please read those as well.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, the lovely (and newly pregnant) JK does. congratulations Ms. Rowling!

***

The attempt and not the deed   
Confounds us.

**William Shakespeare, "Macbeth", Act 2 scene 2**

(AN: Shakespeare has just described this story perfectly!)

***

Ron again rolled over in his four-poster bed in a valiant but futile effort to fall asleep. It had been this way for the past week, ever since the day Hermione had walked in on his declaration of love for her. Too bad Hermione hadn't heard any of the said declaration; only witnessed him being hugged by Seamus—in a dress no less. Yes, Ron had reasons behind his insomnia.

Harry had been as sympathetic as one could be in this type of situation, which really meant he wasn't very sympathetic at all. Though the dark-haired boy did act supportive for his friend, Ron had the sinking feeling Harry found the entire situation hilarious. That's why Ron had made him tell Hermione that Seamus and Ron were acting out a play Dean had written, and couldn't find anybody else to play the parts.

_"But couldn't Ginny have played the girl?" Hermione asked._

_"Well, Ginny…uh…" Harry stuttered, unprepared for his friend's question._

_"Is terrified of speaking in front of people!" Ron burst out, causing Hermione to cover her ears."_

_"There's no reason to shout, Ron, after all I'm not deaf."_

Ron greatly doubted he would sleep at all that night.

*~*~-------

The next morning Ron pulled himself out of bed, greatly appreciative of the fact that it was a Saturday. He had finally fallen asleep in the wee hours of the morning, just before the crack of dawn. After a loud yawn Ron blearily surveyed the room. Nobody was there except for Harry, who was sitting at the bottom of his bed, polishing his Firebolt.

"Good morning," Ron croaked out, stifling another yawn.

"More like good afternoon, it's nearly twelve." Harry looked amused. "Had trouble sleeping again?" Ron nodded, glad that Harry wasn't making him elaborate. "I must admit I'm jealous all the same, Angelina had us up at six, practicing for the match next Sunday. We're playing Ravenclaw, and they're supposed to have an excellent new Keeper."

"Angelina? I'm surprised she's a follower of Wood's "Fly 'Till You Drop Off Your Broom From Exhaustion" school of Quidditch."

"Aren't we all? I thought your brothers were in shock when I met them on the pitch. They just kept mumbling about how Wood had possessed her. We can only hope she doesn't make up any charts," Harry shuddered, "Those were the worst." Ron laughed at the mention of Oliver Wood's many charts and graphs, he'd heard many stories about them, not to mention Fred and George's many attempted sabotages of them.

"I'm gonna go get cleaned up. I'll meet you in the Great Hall in about an hour." Ron said his temporary farewell to Harry, and then departed for the dormitory bathroom.

*~*~ -------

Forty-five minutes passed with nothing odd to speak of, which ironically enough, was an oddity in itself. When Ron returned from getting dressed Harry was nowhere to be found, this didn't alarm him much, as they had agreed to meet for lunch. Ron walked down to the common room, noting absently that Hermione was missing as well. Perhaps she too was waiting for him in the Great Hall. Just as the redhead reached the portrait hole, his shoulders were tugged backwards.

"Oh no you don't!" An unmistakable voice told him. Or rather, two unmistakable voices. They'd grown deeper and more mature over the summer, but mischief remained the voices' prime element.

"What's the big idea?" Ron exclaimed, in no mood for his brothers' antics. "I'm supposed to meet Harry."

Fred shook his head at George, who in turn gave a long-suffering sigh. "Ronald," George began, "To think, we barely know ye."

"What are you talking about?" Ron was confused, to say the least. It wasn't everyday his brother would start speaking in old English. Some days it seemed they hadn't even mastered the modern version of the language. 

"One minute you're crawling around in diapers, falling for every prank we throw your way—and there were quite a few—"

"And the next you're ogling Hermione," Fred finished.

"Ogling?!?! I am not! Now would you two leave me alone…perhaps Angelina can give you some drills to practice, she was looking for you two before," Ron snickered, but his brother's only smiled.

"He laughs now," Fred whispered to George, "We'll see how long _that lasts." Ron's eyes widened, this was definitely not a good thing. And with that each twin grabbed onto one of Ron's arms, and lifted him into the air. This was a bit hard, as Ron was taller than them both, but in the end they overpowered him and led him to a deserted classroom. Ron tried desperately to make his body deadweight, but in the end his brothers just clunked him down a flight of stairs, causing him to bite his tongue. A first year was subject to this event, and stopped dead in her tracks. A third year walking with the girl noticed her friend's astonishment and took it upon herself to explain. She put a hand on the younger girl's shoulder, and the two started to walk off._

"Have you ever heard of the Weasley twins?" Was all Ron had a chance to catch. There would obviously be no help from _her. The twins smiled cheekily at him, obviously pleased with the legacy they'd managed to create. When they finally reached their destination, Fred and George sat Ron down in an empty desk. The younger brother had given up on fighting the twins, realizing that struggle was getting him nowhere fast. The door was locked with a gentle 'click' and Ron finally gave in to curiosity. "What are we doing here?"_

"Patience, patience, you can't rush these things." George told him.

"What things?" The twins gave each other a glance that was of no comfort to Ron.

Fred walked to one side of Ron's chair. "Ron…do you know about the birds and the bees?" Ron's eyes grew to the size of saucers as he sputtered, yet made no response.

Taking his silence as a negative answer, Fred smiled grimly. "I didn't think so. And as we are the only brothers you have left at Hogwarts, it's up to us to do the explaining." Ron racked his brain desperately for a solution to his predicament, finally settling on what seemed like the most believable solution, a talk he once had with his father.

"Dad already told me all about it, guys."

"Ron, Dad telling you about the cabbage patch when you were five does not count."

"Come on guys, this really isn't necessary. Just let me go." As an after thought he added, "Is it money you want? Because I have a little—"

"Ron," George cut him off, "It's not your money we're after, we want to help you."

"Really, I'm fine." Ron attempted to throw himself of the unprotected part of his chair, but found it already blocked by George. "How do you do that?"

Fred disregarded the question. "Now, now. It's nothing to be ashamed of; you are after all new to the whole aspect of dating. And while this may not apply right now, things do change after awhile, we just want you to be prepared." George nodded, emphasizing Fred's point.

Ron shook his head, "The only thing you want is to traumatize me! HELP!" Ron hoped beyond belief that somebody would come through the door and rescue him. However, the twins were not about to let _that_ happen.

"Sorry about this mate," And with that Fred sent a large wad of parchment straight into Ron's mouth, silencing him effectively. Ron had trouble believing his brother was in any way sorry for his actions. The poor boy searched for a place that he could crawl to, perhaps roll up in a fetal position, cover his ears, and hum loudly to himself. However, none could be found, and Ron gave in to the inevitable.

"It all starts when a man and woman love each other very much…"

Imagine if you will a large red curtain, like one used at a theatre. It is slowly dropping to the floor, leaving all the readers wanting to hear more about Ron's humiliating experience, and wishing the author had more common sense than to end this scene when it was just getting juicy. However, she doesn't, so you'll just have to use your imaginations. You are after all very important to her, and she doesn't _you_ to end up like Ron does in the next scene. Now, stop reading this note and go find out what happened!

*~*~-------

Half an hour later Ron made his way, dazed and stricken, to the Great Hall. When he sat down Harry and Hermione looked him over, annoyance at his tardiness became concern. "You're a bit late, did something happen?"

Ron turned to look at Harry, who had asked the question. "It…it was awful. Can't talk about it. Very bad." Harry shrugged at Hermione, who in turn gave Ron a sympathetic look. He looked very pale and far more befuddled than usual.  This made his two friends wonder just where he had been all this time.

They didn't notice when Fred and George came in through the large doorway, looking much too happy for their own good. However, Ron did. When he saw them he ducked under the table, and would not be coaxed out for anything. Even when Draco Malfoy walked by and commented (rather rudely) about, "The Weasley's lack of table manners," Ron stayed hidden. Draco eventually gave up, frustrated that his baiting had done no good. By this time the Weasley twins were seated at the table, looking sinisterly innocent. There was something foreboding about their faces, usually alive with mischief, curiously bland.

Harry gave them a questioning glare, "You two didn't do this to him, did you?"

"Harry?" Fred pretended to be shocked. "Don't you know us better than that? Would we ever do anything that would upset our little sibling?"

George added his declaration, "Really, we thought more of you than that."

"I don't know what you did, but I'm sure it was awful! Why won't Ron come out from the under table?" Hermione glared at the identical boys, who only shrugged their shoulders.

"We're not our brother's keeper." Fred commented.

"Thank Merlin for that!" Ron had finally broken his silence; the muffled shout startled a few who had only just arrived at the Great Hall, having never witnessed Ron's peculiar actions.

"Hey…Harry?"

"What George?" Harry was now thoroughly suspicious, but couldn't fathom an experience that could send his best friend into this catatonic state.

"You don't have any older brothers."

"Only-children rarely do."

"Yes…so, you've missed out on a lot haven't you?"

"What are you getting at?" Hermione interjected.

"Nothing…nothing, just putting the information aside for later circumstances is all."

Another shout broke out from under the table, "Don't believe them! Harry, run for your life! Fly away!" Hermione shook her head and finally managed to tug Ron out from under the table.

"Ron, I think this has gone too far. Now, have some lunch. It's getting late." Ron looked at the food, then back at the twins.

"Maybe when the shock wears off, Hermione. I just had something I already knew put in an entirely different light, and it was somewhat unpleasant." Realizing she and Harry would get no further explanation than Ron's rather cryptic account, Hermione accepted defeat.

Meanwhile, what must have happened to Ron was dawning on the Boy Who Lived. 'No…they couldn't have,' Harry thought, as he shot another glance at Fred and George. Then he remembered their odd statements about him not having an older brother. Harry vowed there and then to be on guard, _he didn't want to suffer the same fate as Ron. It was as Moody (even if Moody _had _been a madman in disguise) always said, "Constant Vigilance!" Hermione, who had been watching the expressions that played across Harry's face, gave him a questioning stare. "You don't want to know Hermione, trust me." Harry reassured her._

"Harry, you can tell me anything!"

"Trust me, you do _not want to know." Ron told her._

"Fine! It's not as if I care anyway. I'm going to the library, and I suggest you two join me if you want to pass tomorrow's Charms exam." Hermione picked up her books and exited the Great Hall. Harry and Ron gave a sigh of relief, at least now they wouldn't be questioned. Suddenly, Harry felt eyes on his back. When he looked up he saw Fred and George eyeing him like a morsel of meat, and felt his skin start to crawl.

"Ron," He whispered, "They didn't give you _the talk did they?"_

"I'm afraid so," Ron admitted, "But it was like nothing I've ever heard before."

Harry winced. "That bad?" Ron nodded. "Then I think we should get out of here." Ron followed Harry's gaze to his brother's, who were now talking to a hysterical Lee Jordan.

"Let's."

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Poor Ron…I hated to do it to him, but I couldn't resist. Okay, so maybe I didn't hate it all that much. Admit it, you thought it was funny? ::Prods reader:: Okay, fine, be that way. But at least leave a review! ^_~

I'm also interested in starting a mailing list, but I don't want to if nobody will use it. Please in your reviews or emails say if you'd join. 

Email:

Fleur422@yahoo.com

Okay, now the unhappy thing. Back in the day, when I was still new to ff.net, I filed Madness Behind Potter, a story I know some of you are reading, under HP Author Fics. This was very bad, and very unintentional, but I never noticed until yesterday. As I went to go upload a new chapter, I was informed that my story was being removed on Oct. 12, and I have no way to fix that. I'm planning on re-uploading the entire story early this week (hopefully tomorrow, September 29) along with a new chapter. I'm sorry to all of the readers out there, trust me, I'm just as upset, I'm going to lose all the reviews. ::Sigh:: That's life. 

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	5. Of Letter Eating and Lakes

Kiss the Girl

Chapter 4

Of Letter-Eating and Lakes

~*~

Author's Note: I'd just like to thank the manufacturers of Diet Dr. Pepper. You made this chapter possible. And people, you never answered my question about the mailing list! So, I just made one.

Here's the link:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Updates_From_Fleur    

If you join, you get updates. Please, don't all click once. ^_~.

This chapter was not supposed to be about…what it's about. I had it all outlined and planned, but I started typing and got a much different chapter than the one I had intended. I have no idea how it happened. Curses. 

One more thing: This chapter isn't as light in certain areas as the rest of the story tends to be. It just kind of happened, actually, I think it needed to be. You'll see.

Disclaimer: How many times must I go through this? It's totally rubbing salt in the wound. I know I don't own Harry Potter, you know I don't own Harry Potter. We both know a bunch of really rich people do. Why do I bother with this?

***

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

**-Edward De Bono **

*******

The incidents that occurred on the fateful day that Fred and George Weasley had the infamous "talk" with their brother were never spoken of after the initial shock wore off. Therapists say that one should share their fears, but Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley decided this principle did not apply here, as no therapist had ever met the twins. And so, after reaching this conclusion, both boys were happy to put the memory behind them. It would be years before Ron's nightmares would cease, but that was just the price he paid for the moment he had let Fred and George corner him in the Common Room. Ron decided if such a moment ever happened again, he'd be better off trying to apparate away. Surly becoming splinched couldn't be as painful as all that had happened to him in the empty classroom. The thought had crossed Ron's mind that one couldn't apparate from Hogwarts, but he didn't rightly care.

The days wore on, and eventually Harry and Ginny concocted another plan. It wasn't even a plan per se, but an idea. Ron had had no part in it, still scared from the last few attempts. The inspiration had struck Ginny early one afternoon, as the older trio was discussing one of the day's events. It occurred to her that the reason Ron and Hermione never had a chance to tell each other their feelings was that Harry was always there. The three were inseparable, which was the reason she called them the trio. It was possible that what Hermione and Ron needed was a date. Alas, since Ron was too scared to actually ask Hermione out, it would have to appear casual and totally unplanned. How they would go about setting all of this up was an unknown factor, one Ginny decided to share with Harry, her partner in crime. After she notified said partner, the two spent time discussing the issue, but really, only a bit of time was spent on the plan. The conversation took place by the lake, it being a warm autumn day, rather unusual for mid-October in Scotland.

Hermione and Ron were thought to be off doing other things, as not everybody in Hogwarts had dropped their lives for the operations that the select few in Gryffindor were putting into order. Usually Ginny and Harry would have recruited some help for a Ron-Hermione Romance Plan, (that was what the twin's had started to call the attempts) but since Ron was still wary around everyone who knew of his crush (which was everybody) they had decided to try this one on their own. 

*~*~ -------

**Back at the Ranch…er…Castle…**

          "Ronald Your-Parents-Ran-Out-Of-Middle-Names Weasley!" Hermione bellowed over the Common Room. She was chasing a terrified Ron, who was running top-speed through the area. "You get back here, NOW!!!" Eventually Hermione managed to jump on top of Ron, tackling him quite effectively. With a loud "Oomph!" Ron went sprawling to the ground, leaving his head plastered to the rug.

          "Ger' off!" Ron called out. However, his pleas went unanswered, as Hermione moved to a sitting position on top of his back. 

          "Give me back that letter, immediately." The brown-haired girl demanded.

          "What—gasp—letter." Ron had just managed to turn his head to the side, and was greedily sucking in mouthfuls of air.

Hermione frowned, "The letter that Pig just tried to give me, and you stole. Is this ringing any bells?"

As it was, Ron had decided to rename his owl Benedict Arnold. (AN: I don't know any British traitors, so let's just pretend Ron is really informed on the American Revolution!) 

*~*~ -------

The creature had been delivering him a letter from Charlie when he'd spotted a piece of paper sticking out of Ron's bag with "Hermione" written in his owner's handwriting. It was the same letter Ron had tried to write to Hermione with the help of Harry and Ginny…and he couldn't let Hermione see it. Pig had grabbed hold of the letter—apparently trying to be helpful—and flew down the dormitory stairs, searching for the recipient. Of course Ron followed, knocking classmates out of the way as he went, without even an apology thrown over his shoulder.

          "Pig," Ron had called wildly, waving his arms in the air, "Come back!" But the tiny owl had ignored his crazed master, and dropped the letter by Hermione's feet while Ron was still across the room. From there, time seemed to go into slow motion. Hermione had looked down to the ground, puzzled about whatever piece of paper her best friend's owl had given her, and then started to stoop down to pick it up. Panic had struck Ron stronger than ever, and the boy had done the only thing he could do.

Ron made a flying leap over a misplaced couch, barely keeping his foot from smashing into an inhabiting student's head. The rest of the people on the couch had managed to duck, thus saving their own limbs as well. Next there was the coffee table, which Ron managed to smash his shin into, and still keep going. He was now barely ten feet away from Hermione. He leaped…and landed with a plop by Hermione's feet. Luckily for the newly employed gymnast, Hermione had paused to stare at his act in horror, and had forgotten all about the letter that was lying at her feet. In one fluid movement, Ron had taken the letter and stuffed it into a pocket of his robes. Euphoria filled Ron's veins; he had managed to get the letter. Rolling onto his back, Ron let out the breath he'd been holding. However, the misbegotten boy had forgotten about something, or rather, someone.

          "Ron…are you feeling well?" Hermione's eyes were still twice their usual size.

          "Fine—wheeze—just practicing for…for…just exercising. You?"

Hermione began to talk very slowly, as if speaking to a small child, "I'm okay. But Ron, you just jumped over the couch."

          "It would seem that way."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Do you have a logical explanation for this?"

Ron thought about telling her about the letter, but a force inside his head mentally smacked him, keeping his mouth from doing so. "No."

          "Right. So, can you hand me the letter your owl just brought me? Though I don't know why Pig would bring me a letter…perhaps somebody dropped it in the Owlery. 'Merlin!' Ron thought, 'She doesn't know it was me!' A gleam entered Hermione's eyes…maybe she wasn't as unsuspecting as he thought. 

          "Um…What letter? I didn't see one when I landed here."

          "Ron. Give me that letter." Hermione was now looking rather pissed off.

          "Hermione—I can't."

          "You what?"

          "I can't Hermione…sorry." Ron stood up and backed away.

          "Ron, my name was on it, and since it wasn't from you," She waited a moment for him to deny her statement, and when he did not, proceeded, "It belongs to me." Ron began to back up. "Ron…" Before Hermione had taken another step, Ron was off like a shot. Then Hermione had done a very un-Hermione like thing, she'd run after him. 

*~*~ -------

And this is how we got ourselves into the situation of Hermione sitting on top of Ron, waiting for him to fork over the letter Pig had brought her. A tense silence encased the duo, as everybody in the Common Room turned to watch. When Hermione noticed this, she began to fume, "And what are you all staring at? Have you nothing better to do?" Immediately noise began to filter through the hush, nobody there wanted Hermione to tackle _them._

"This is your last chance, Ron. Either hand it over now, or I'm using Accio." 

Uh oh. Ron had forgotten about that charm. He steeled himself for the taste of ink and paper, then grabbed the letter out of his pocket and shoved it into his mouth. With one quick swallow, it was gone. 

Hermione gaped at him. "Did you just _eat_ that?" Ron let his head fall back to the ground, why couldn't somebody just come kill him? Really, where was a friendly assassin where you needed one? "Oooh, That letter had better have been worth it! This isn't over yet!" Hermione got up off of Ron and stormed up the girl's staircase. The boy flipped to his back once again, too much in pain to do anything but pant. Well that, and consider regurgitating, whoever knew paper would that _bad_.

*~*~ -------

The Lake…

Harry and Ginny were still discussing different ways to go about the next phase of their plan. Of course, they were completely oblivious to what had just occurred in their house's common room, so they did not add in the factor that Ron had just gotten Hermione incredibly irritated by eating what she thought was a letter addressed to her.

 "So I guess we shouldn't let Ron or Hermione in on this next one," Harry was saying. The two had decided to arrange a date for the couple-to-be, one that would take place on the next Hogsmead weekend, Halloween to be exact. However, getting the two to agree was another story, as well as the root of all this planning.

          "Definitely not. It's beyond a doubt that Hermione will become suspicious if Ron starts acting all…weird—and he will—if he thinks he's going on a date. If he believes you're going, he might be more casual. We can tell them at the last minute…say you're indisposed, and that I have to study. Come to think of it, Ron may not even realize what we're doing. That brother of mine is oblivious." Ginny stared up at the bright blue sky, haphazardly noting that one of the white fluffy clouds seemed to be shaped like a pair of earmuffs. Lost in these pleasant thoughts, she managed to effectively start tuning out everything else but the sky. Eventually, Ginny reflected on the events that had gotten her to the lake. It had been around five o'clock in the afternoon when they had come here, and at least an hour had passed. Originally, Ginny had pretended that Harry asking her to sit by the lake with him was a romantic rendezvous, but had put the notion aside when the older boy had shown no such indication whatsoever. He might as well have been one of her brothers, 'Damn all ignorant men,' Ginny sullenly thought. 

          "So, you think I should feign sick, Ginny? Ginny?" The girl in question blushed at her mental absence, and then got Harry to repeat the question.

          "It sounds alright, but there's a problem." Ginny bit her bottom lip.

          "What?" Harry couldn't find a flaw in the plan, but was curious to see if Ginny had realized something he had not.

          "Well, as it is, Hermione might feel bad and want to stay back with you. I mean, this is the third year you all have been able to make these trips; the glamour might not be enough. And really, what can be wrong with you that Madame Pomfrey can't fix in an instant?"

          "I hadn't thought of that."

          "You wouldn't." Ginny teased.

          "And what is that supposed to mean?" Harry said in mock anger.

          "Well, you are friends with my brother after all. And if his schemes are only half as clever as yours are, I still say we're all doomed."

          "Ouch, Gin. I didn't no you were so cynical. You know, there was a time you wouldn't even speak in front of me, now you're badgering me with my inadequacy. Really." Harry gave a long-suffering sigh. However, Ginny gaped, and her face reddened in color. She had almost forgotten about her long-time inability to talk in front of Harry. Well, that was a lie. She would never forget. But she had thought at least _he_ had. She silently dammed all men…again.

          "That was different!" She finally told him. "We're only talking now because we want to help Ron and Hermione. That's all." Hopefully, Harry wouldn't realize she was lying through her teeth. She couldn't even believe the words herself. She'd desire to talk to him if Ron had told her he wanted to date a frog!

          "Oh…" Harry looked somewhat abashed, causing Ginny to soften. 

          "Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

The dark-haired boy interrupted her apology. "Don't worry about it. You have nothing to be sorry for." A rather awkward silence invaded the discussion as both parties retreated into their own thoughts.

Finally, Ginny had had enough. "Besides," She started, "The only reason I didn't talk to you was because you always made me do embarrassing things."

Harry misunderstood the accusation, "Like what?" He looked exceedingly puzzled.

          "Like the time I put my elbow in the butter. Don't lie, I know you saw!" She giggled, even as she blushed. Harry noted how her face had colored, and let out a laugh of his own. It seemed all the Weasley's were excellent at blushing. It offset their hair perfectly; he didn't say this to Ginny however. When Harry had expressed this thought to Ron he'd been whacked over the head with his offended friend's Transfiguration textbook. It was not an experience Harry was willing to repeat, especially right by a really deep lake where there was certain merman who might not like him very much after his brief tour of their home last year. The second task echoed in the recesses of his mind. It made him think of Ced—

          "Harry? What are you thinking about, you look so gloomy," Ginny couldn't believe her own boldness. 

If it had been Ron or Hermione, Harry might have said nothing, just changed the subject. It did little good, letting them know of his guilt. They'd just say it wasn't his fault. So far, the sentiment had not stuck. However, Ginny seemed to omit the feeling that you could talk to her, that she would really _listen_. He said the words hastily, and in a tone barely audible, "The second task."

Ginny said nothing, only looked at him. Harry had a feeling she understood the deeper meaning in his words. "You know, the Triwizard Tournament may not have been all cotton candy, but you should try to have some fond memories of it, Harry. You battled a dragon, impressed _Victor Krum_, and didn't you become a fish?"

Harry gaped, "I wasn't a fish…I just had gills."

          "So you were a fish?" The two continued on like this for a good five minutes, but eventually Harry became exasperated.

Finally giving in, Harry pretended to be mad, "Yes, I suppose I was a fish." Ginny grinned at his acceptance of her analysis, but Harry kept his scowl. It would do no good to have her believing he'd give in to all of her conceptions of him. Particularly if they had him portrayed as things that served as many a person's meal.

          "Well then, Fish Boy, it's almost time for dinner." She stood up to go inside, "Aren't you coming?" Ginny paused in order to convulse into a fit of giggles, "I think some of your relatives are on the menu." 

Harry was not amused.

Though it had nothing to do with Ginny's last joke, he considered staying by the lake. He was expecting a letter from Sirius any time now, and it he was really lucky, Hedwig might even return while he was here. Not a soul was in sight, it was perfect for a secret reading. On the other hand, he wasn't positive his owl would come at this exact moment. He would have continued to debate the trivial issue inside his head, but Ginny was impatiently tapping her foot, which caused Harry to smile. She had about the same amount of patience as Ron. "Yes," He said, "But only if you promise to stop calling me Fish Boy."

Ginny gave him a sly smile as she placed a stray piece of hair behind her ear, "I make no guarantees." Harry decided to be content with that, she had won the last argument, and he wasn't about to let her be the victor of another. He stood up, and together they made their way to the Great Hall.

*~*~ -------

Though Harry and Ginny would see Hermione in short time, Ron was another matter all together. He had not moved from the floor of the Common Room since Hermione had left him there, and then again walked over him to get to the Portrait Hole. While most of the first years seemed a bit irked by the elder student's conduct, it didn't take long before word got around that he was related to Fred and George. Soon the area was empty, void of any living creatures besides one very downcast redhead.

As it was, Ron was contemplating the meaning of life. That, and the downhill turn his life had taken.

"It used to be so easy," he said to himself. "Before Hogwarts, my life was one big bowl of roses—wait, is that even a real expression?" Ron thought for a while. "Nope, think I've mixed a few together," Ron stopped himself before he got too far off task; it wasn't every day that he was able to rant like this.

"Not anymore. Nope, not since first year. I've had to face evil lords, demonic pets, escaped convicts, not to mention other numerous encounters with evil and disaster. And if all that weren't enough, there's _girls_. Especially _that_ girl. I think I may bloody well be infatuated with her. For Merlin's sake, I'm writing love letters—bad one's at that—can't forget that after I write them I **_EAT_** them…I've hugged Seamus, in a dress no less…and by God I think I just rimed. And I can't even bring up those slimy gits I call my brothers. Yes, my life is a sorry excuse—" 

"What are you doing, Ron?" Ron looked up to see Angelina Johnson, who was watching him from the staircase. Apparently the tower wasn't as empty as he had thought.

However, the embarrassment Ron had suffered that day was at such a level, the discovery of his soliloquy did not phase him in the least, "Nothing much. Just trying to figure out women." 

Angelina chuckled. "You might be there awhile." 

          "You're telling me." The older girl gave him a sympathetic look before stepping over him and departing. "Hermione, (Ron was talking out-loud again) is the chief example of all the _girl_ nonsense. If it wasn't bad enough that she's a know-it-all, a stuck-up prefect, and thinks herself perfect…I actually _like_ that about her. The things that she does…the things that make me go _crazy_ are what make me like her. Does this make any sense? What's wrong with me?" 

Ron let his fists pound against the floor as he sifted through his thoughts. A silent war began to rage in Ron's pounding head, one that had been going on for centuries. The battle between sense and madness, love and hate, and most importantly Hermione versus Ron (thought that particular fight didn't date as far back as the others) seemed to be especially brutal. 

"Oh well," Ron resigned, "Only two and a half more years before I can leave Hogwarts and escape all together. Maybe I could become a pirate…"

Yes, Ron's musing had turned to rambling, and with the shifting of thoughts, came the end of his tirade.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Is it just me, or does this chapter seem long? Hmm…

Please leave a review; I swear to treasure it 'till my dying day. ::Fights off urge to break into song from Moulin Rouge::

 I'll even have it buried with me. Seriously. ::Goes off humming suspicious tune::


	6. Temporary Truce

Kiss the Girl

Chapter 5

Temporary Truce

~*~

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long, guys. I've been rather busy lately with school related activities, predominantly reports and pep-week related stuff. Trust me, I would have much rather been writing this than practicing for the girl's football game in forty degree weather. This chapter doesn't contain as many WAFFy moments as the last, but I enjoyed in none the less. Hopefully you'll feel the same way.

Disclaimer: 

::Turns on Bare-Naked Ladies CD, which, though it belongs to Fleur, is no indication that she owns the band::

If I had a million dollars, I'd buy me a copyright,

A copyright to Harry Potter.

::By now has no idea of what the melody is supposed to be, but is singing anyway::

'Cause I sure don't own him,

If I had a million dollarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs,

I'd buy Harry.

If you're not scared too badly yet, join the mailing list:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Updates_From_Fleur

***

"The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes."   
  


**-The Hound of the Baskervilles - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle**

***

Hogwarts was supposed to be the safest place on Earth. No place else could one be more protected, secure, and all the other synonyms that go along as with such words. Harry Potter had never felt this to be completely accurate. Probably because of that incident in his first year where an employee had had a dark lord strapped to his head.

Oh…but then there was that time that the self same dark lord preserved his past self and set a basilisk on the school, almost killing his best friend's little sister and closing the school. There was also a deranged murderer who had been able to break in, even if in the end said deranged murderer proved to be neither of these qualities. Not to mention the dementors. And the evil spy. There was also that portkey that the evil spy had created… 

And that was only a list of the obvious.

This is why Harry was only mildly surprised when a hand pulled him into a classroom. There was the initial alarm, yes, but after that, just a lack of patience to find out who was trying to kill him this time. Surprisingly, the evil that wanted to have a word with him was not Voldemort, but Draco Malfoy.

Draco stood there in all his Slytherin glory. Glory in this sense meaning a smug grin on his face that Harry had gladly wished Hermione had gotten rid of permanently when she slapped his face during third year.

          "Potter." Draco stated.

          "Evil Incarnate." Harry replied.

          "Touché, Potter, when did somebody hit you with the witty stick?"

          "Around the same time somebody hit you with the stick called slimy git."

Draco looked mildly impressed. It wasn't every day a Gryffindor stood around and shouted at him with phrases that didn't include, "Shut up, Malfoy." He inwardly supposed that it was a nice change, for once. 

"I'm not here to conduct verbal warfare, Potter." Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Malfoy, I'm not joining Death Eater Youth with you. I thought I made this clear first year."

Malfoy smirked, "Yes, I remember quite well. You chose Weasley the pauper and Granger the Mudblood instead."

          "Isn't that getting a bit old?" Harry scowled. "I thought somebody with your 'brilliance' could have thought out a new insult by now."

To Harry's utter amazement, Draco nodded. "My thoughts exactly, Potter. So what we need is to get together and make something happen."

          "Whoa!" Harry scampered back against the nearest wall. "I ask you Malfoy, in the name of all that is good—or in your case, obnoxious, to keep your kinky thoughts to yourself! I always knew you Slytherins were a strange bunch, but this is crossing the line!" 

          "Seriously, Potter. We have to get this done quickly, I have class in a few minutes."

Harry gaped, but soon regained speech. "I will not have any type of relationship with you, Malfoy. My broomstick does NOT fly that way!"

A disgusted look crossed Draco's porcelain visage. "While Malfoys do not usually resort to such vulgar wording, I think it's in my right to say this now. Eww!" Draco shuddered, and then ran a hand threw his silver-blond hair,  "Potter, I wouldn't touch you with a fifty-foot pole. I'm here to fix up your idiotic friends. Besides, I wouldn't want to disappoint the female population, especially with…_you_."

          "And I'm supposed to find this less unnerving?" Harry looked as if he wanted to pinch Draco to see if he was real, but then thought better of it. The dark-haired boy wasn't sure, but he might very well be permanently scarred.

          "Potter. Let's just get this over with," Draco took seat at a random desk, using the chair in front of the desk as a makeshift ottoman. 

Harry rolled his eyes. Once a Malfoy, always a Malfoy. "Why should I believe you? All you've ever done is attempt to terrorize me and my friends, the fact that you want to help any of us do _anything_ is beyond comprehension."

          "Wow, that last word had four syllables. How long did it take you to think it up?"

          "Malfoy! Don't change the subject." Harry took a firmer grip on his wand, just in case Voldemort was using Draco's body as a vassal. One can never be too careful about these types of things. At least, not if your name begins with 'H' and ends with 'arry Potter.'

          "Listen, you may be the famous—"

Harry yawned, cutting Draco off. "I've heard this one before. Skip to the part after you threaten me." 

Draco looked disappointed. "That was my favorite part, too. Anyway, the cause of all my problems is the fact that there's absolutely nothing original for me to degrade you three with anymore. It's as if the world is void of all that is sinister."

          "Yeah…I think I'm going to go now. It's been fun!" Harry tried to get out the door.

          "Wait!" Draco ran over and blocked the doorframe. "You have to help me! I've been composing a list of all the insults I can hurl at a coupled Weasley and Granger since last summer, and at the rate those morons are going, I'll never get to use _any_ of them! I think I may just have a right to be alarmed."

          "So," Harry began, "You want me to help you, help me, help you—" Harry and Draco each began to count their fingers, but could not effectively figure out who was trying to help who do what. "So you want to get Ron and Hermione together?" Harry finally said.

          "Yes. But if anybody asks, I'm plotting world domination."

          "Right."

          "It's a long list, Potter. With some really good ones on it. Insult number sixty-seven being my absolute favorite. It goes, what do you get when you cross—"

          "Okay! I get it; you'll keep the evilness to yourself, if you don't mind. What do you have planned?" Harry couldn't understand the words coming out of his own mouth. They sounded as if they were in cahoots with Draco Malfoy, but that couldn't be the case. Harry willed himself to pay special attention to Draco's answer, hoping to hear him break into song…at least then he would be sure he was dreaming.

Sadly, Draco did not get out his tap shoes and dance a little ditty. He said, "Well, most importantly we've got to fix Weasley up a bit. First off, we have to take care of that 'I just rolled out of bed look'—simply revolting. Oh, and what about his attire? Really. My father would never let me keep my robes in such condition, it's a wonder they don't smell worse than they already do." 

Draco paused to reflect on what an awful existence he would have if he were Ronald Weasley. It was a very short pause, however, as the image was very disturbing to the spoiled-brat…er…Draco. Eventually, he continued. "He needs to be more suave, sophisticated," Draco gained a cheeky grin, "In general, more like me. That should get Granger fired up."

Harry winced; he did not want to think of Hermione 'fired up.' 

"Why do you say that?" Harry asked, not really wanting to hear the answer. If he were a girl, _he_ certainly wouldn't want a guy who was remotely like Draco Malfoy. This thought was not actually told to the Slytherin, as the blond was likely to have an apoplectic fit that somebody didn't find him striking.

Draco looked at him incredulously. "Do you see this body, these clothes, this hair?" He pointed to the indicated areas. "I am a god. And while I can't promise that Weasley will look even a fraction as good as me, I definitely can give the kid some pointers. So, I'll order the necessary equipment, and you have Red-Rodent down here next Friday before he leaves for Hogsmead with Granger. And Potter, make sure you're here early. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know."

          "How did you know about the Hogsmead thing?" Harry asked, trying to block out the parts of Draco's speech where he had made himself out to be Casanova. 

          "I'm a Slytherin." Draco stated. Harry merely stared. "Sneaky, conniving, with personal cronies all over the school." Draco looked quite proud of these qualities. Harry, on the other hand, looked like he was going to be sick. "Not to mention one fine piece of man. I think I may have gotten your share, Potter."

          "Can't we have a temporary truce or something, just until we're done?" Harry asked wearily, scorning his traitorous words.

Draco contemplated, "But you're so _easy._ It's really only Granger and Weasley that I'm trying to h-he-hel…" Draco trailed off, his mouth unable to actually form the word 'help' when applied to this type of content.

          "Personally, I don't think I need your _help_," Harry quipped, "It's not really necessary for my plans to work any time soon. You're the only one who has anything on the line. Odd and twisted as what's at stake may be."

          "Are you saying that my daily repartee is not enjoyable to you?"

          "No, I'm saying I wished you had been born without the ability to speak." 

          "Now, now, Potter. No need to say things you don't really mean. I'll agree to your truce for now."

          "Deal," The two boys said. However, they could not bring themselves to shake hands. Each looked out the door, making sure the hallway was completely empty before departing.

Once they were gone, all was silent and peaceful. A pair of eyes twinkled in the shadows, "This is getting rather interesting."

*~*~ -------

When Harry recounted the day's events to Ginny, she nearly fell over from shock, "What did Ron say?" She exclaimed.

          "He didn't say anything," Harry said.

          "Did he die?!?!" Ginny shot up, obviously looking for Ron in the crowded common room.

Harry held her shoulders until she was once again sitting down on her chair, "No, Ginny, he's not dead. I just didn't tell him. Remember, we're trying to keep them in the dark until the last possible minute. If we tell Ron about the date now, about _Malfoy_ now, he'll go live with Krum in Bulgaria."

          "But Ron hates Krum," Ginny stated, obviously still confused.

          "That's the point."

          "Oh." Silence, then, "You really had a conversation with Satan?"

          "Yes, Ginny, I had a conversation with Malfoy."

          "What is this world coming to?" She whispered, falling back farther into her seat, in a very dramatic type of way.

          "What's what world coming to?" a new voice interjected. Hermione laid down her books on the coffee table, then plopped into a spare chair next to Harry. Not bothering for Ginny to reply, the brown-haired girl went on, "I'll tell you one thing, with the way rumors fly around these halls, I won't be surprised by whatever it is you're talking about. I may even know already."

          "It's not true!" Harry shouted. Ginny shot him a look that clearly said, "Smooth, Harry, very smooth."

          "I don't know if it is or not. I'm not really friends with Padma," Hermione continued, apparently nonplussed over Harry's defense of the Ravenclaw. "But you have to figure she and Parvati must want to switch places once in awhile, just for a laugh. Fred and George certainly do. I just think the fact that she wouldn't tell her sister's boyfriend when he leaned in to kiss her is somewhat odd."

Harry blushed; maybe Draco really did have cronies that kept the rumors Draco didn't want heard out of circulation.

          "That is odd, Hermione." Ginny said, although she'd been there when the incident had happened and had witnessed Parvati dragging her sister into the hallway for a good tongue-lashing over kissing Dean Thomas. Truthfully, she'd found the event hilarious. 

          "Well then, I think I'll go find Ron, you know, just to see if he needs any help on his homework or anything." Hermione smiled and went off to find her friend.

          "Are they really that oblivious to each other?" Harry said, watching Hermione walk away. 

          "Love can be unaware sometimes. Maybe even unwanted."

          "How can you not want to love somebody you already love?" Harry said, brining new meaning to the term oblivious.

          "It was just a random thought, Harry. Don't worry about it. So, I'll talk to Parvati and Lavender, and have Hermione ready for next Friday." Ginny said goodnight and walked up the dormitory stairs.

Harry blinked, trying to muddle through Ginny's philosophy, as well as her comments about his two female classmates. When the thought came to him, it was voiced aloud, "Did I miss something?"

___________________________________________________________________

So you finally found out whom Dean Thomas was snogging in the broom closet, and you thought it was a mystery.

Right. So I ended up changing the rating after all, it's now officially PG-13. What can I say; I worry about these types of things. 

Hope you enjoyed! Drop a review if you feel so inclined. (I know you feel inclined; I can sense it from over here!)


	7. It Wasn't the Orange Juice

Kiss the Girl

Chapter 6

It Wasn't the Orange Juice

~*~

**Author's Notes: **First off, I'm incredibly sorry for the long wait here. I had to go to a conference in D.C. last week, and my beta-reader couldn't get this to me on time. It wasn't her fault; there just weren't enough hours in the day. When I finally did get it, she couldn't send it to me formatted. In the end, I just decided to put the darn thing up, so please don't stone me if you catch a spelling error. So, here it is, the long awaited Chapter 6.

Also, Tsunami Wave suggested that I respond to my reviewers. Quite frankly, I was stunned. I didn't know you guys wanted to hear back from me! Anyhoo, I decided to go ahead and do so, especially after reading all of the incredibly wonderful comments you all left me. Please continue to do so here, as I am the very definition of the neologism "Review Mongrel."

**Disclaimer:** Though at times I've dearly wished it, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and all the other wonderful characters that J.K. Rowling created are not mine. I'm just borrowing them until the Obsession Police come and put me away.

***

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

          **-William Congreve**

***

Harry knew that he never had to be afraid of Ron. His best friend was loyal, steadfast, and would anything for him. Ron's reactions, on the other hand, were definitely something worth fearing. It wasn't that Ron was unstable, though at times, he seemed a bit (thanks to the recent matchmaking attempts bestowed upon him by his loving friends.) Ron just had what most people would call a fiery temper, a temper that made him act somewhat…passionate about what was going on around him.

Thus, while Ron, Draco Malfoy, and the word passionate would not usually be put together in the same sentence, Harry had a feeling that if Ron found out he'd made a plan with Draco Malfoy he would be sure to passionately slam both Harry and Draco's heads into the nearest wall. Harry conveyed his fears to Ginny, seeing as how Hermione was once again out of the question. Harry longed for the day when he could let his bushy-haired friend into all the details of his life again, but for now, found solace in his best friend's sister. Of course, Harry just thought of it is as making small talk, he'd never taken solace in anybody! Or at least, that's what he told himself.

          "Harry, Ron would never slam your head into a wall." Ginny stated firmly.

          "You think?"

          "Of course! A bedpost, maybe, but never a wall." Ginny kept her face as unemotional as she could, all the while imagining she was Snape witnessing the descent of all human nature into Hell. In short, pretending not to care.

          "You are of no help, you know that?" Harry fell back into the chair he'd been sitting on.

          "That's not true! I'm the one who got Lavender and Parvati to agree to get Hermione ready for Friday!" Ginny stuck her tongue out at Harry.

          "That was mature," Harry said in a mock superior tone.

          "I wasn't trying to be!" Ginny and Harry stared daggers at each other for a moment before both broke out into fits of laughter. "I'm sorry, Harry," Ginny finally got out, "But you're just so easy!"

          "You know, Malfoy said the same thing," Harry looked glum, as well as easy, but Ginny didn't mention that.

          "Are you comparing me to that brainless git?"

          "No?"

          "That's what I thought."

Harry looked at his watch, he'd been forced to steal one of the twenty-three Dudley had acquired throughout the years, as his had been irreparably damaged after last year's dunk in the lake. He noted that he had Transfiguration in only five minutes, and got up to gather his books. Just as he did so, Hermione hurried by him. After a quick farewell to Ginny, Harry followed after her.

          "Where's Ron?" Harry asked, when he finally caught up.

          "How should I know, the prat has been a bother all morning." Harry mentally winced, if the day ever came when his two best friend's stopped bickering, he'd be forced to stop breathing and die. It would be the only logical thing to do.

          "What happened this time?" Harry asked.

          "Just like I thought, you're on _his _side!" 

          "No I'm not…at least, I don't think I am." Harry thought back to what Ron could have possibly done. Something about that morning tugged on his memory, but it wasn't clear enough to give him a well-formed idea of what Hermione was angry about. Didn't it have something to do with oranges?

          "I know you two are keeping a secret from me, Harry Potter, Ron all but told me this morning!"

Harry tried to force back his shock, "What do you mean?"

Earlier That Morning… 

_Ron had been staring at Hermione for a good five minutes, memorizing the way her face became one of the utmost concentrated when she was studying, which was what she was doing now. Of course, this is how her face looked 95 percent of the time he was around her, yet it still managed to captivate him._

_"Pass the orange juice, please." Hermione said. Ron continued to stare at her, not complying in the least. Truthfully he hadn't even heard her, too caught up in visions of frolicking through the woods, Hermione's hand in his. _

_ "Ron, could you pass the orange juice?" Hermione asked again, before flipping another page of _Everything One Could Possibly Need to Learn About the O.W.L.'s: Get a Perfect Score or Die Trying._ Ron passed the beverage silently, forsaking his usual comment about Hermione's reading during breakfast. Hermione waited, but no remark came her way. This distressed his female friend greatly. "Ron?" she queried, finally looking up, "Don't you have anything to say?"_

_          "Er…" The aforementioned boy snapped out of his reverie. This one had involved chocolate, but is really too scary to get into detail about. Ron looked to Harry for the answer to Hermione's question, but found him talking to his little sister. 'No help _there_,' he thought grudgingly. He promised to punish Harry later._

_ "Here you are?" he tried._

_          "Ron! I'm reading while I eat!" Hermione looked outraged._

_          "Yes…yes you are Hermione." Ron felt himself beginning to sweat, when did the Great Hall get so hot?_

_Hermione was silently urging him on with her eyes. "Well?" she finally burst._

_          "Hermione, what are you going on about?" Ron fidgeted in his seat; Hermione was giving him a livid look that spoke volumes. Right now, it was telling him that he was the biggest idiot on the planet, and might as well drop out of Hogwarts now and clean bathrooms at The Three Broomsticks._

_          "You are so inconsiderate, Ron! I can't believe you!" Hermione got up and left the Great Hall, leaving a perplexed Ron in her wake. Harry, who had just turned to his friend, raised an eyebrow._

_          "What's wrong with Hermione?" he asked._

_          "I don't think she liked the juice."_

**Back to the Hallway…**

Of course, Hermione's account of the events was not so omnipotent, but a list of all the reasons Ron was an insufferable, pig-headed, inconsiderate (the list went on for quite awhile) villain. 

          "A villain, Hermione? Isn't that going a bit far?" Harry felt severely sorry for Ron, even if he was terrified to tell him about the little appointment he'd planned for him and Malfoy.

          "No!" Hermione retorted, not even bothering to make her response more than a monosyllable. 

          "But Ron said it was about juice," Harry struggled with the minimal amount of facts he'd been given by both parties.

          "Of course he would! He doesn't know anything!" Hermione stopped and threw her hands in the air. This caused her books to go tumbling towards the ground, as she had let go of them during the theatrics. Luckily, Harry managed to catch them before they went scattering down the hallway.

          "Who doesn't know anything?" Ron asked. He had just come across the two in the hallway, and was wondering why Hermione seemed so peeved at Harry.

          "You!" She exclaimed, prior to grabbing her books back and marching into the Transfiguration room.

          "What did I _do_?" Ron whined, extremely frustrated by Hermione's actions.

          "I'm not quite sure," Harry told him, "But I don't think it was about the juice." Ron have him a withering look right before the bell rang, sending both boys sprinting towards the Transfiguration classroom.

When they entered, Professor McGonagall looked up from the parchment she'd been reading, "Have a seat, gentlemen, I'd like to begin." She gave them both a stern look for almost being tardy. Harry and Ron needed no further invitation to sit down, a pissed off Professor McGonagall was a scary woman indeed. While the deputy head mistress continued to lecture, Ron turned around to look for Hermione. She was seated next to Neville, and still looking quite angry.

          "Mr. Weasley!" Ron's head snapped back towards the front of the room.

          "Yes, Professor?" The aforementioned Weasley shot Harry a look out the side of his eye, but Harry only shrugged.

          "Can you tell me what is so interesting in the back of the room that you cannot face front and pay attention?" Ron shook his head.

          "Well, I hope it was worth the missed instructions! Apparently your grade is not as important to you as your need to examine your surroundings. Now, get started, all of you, on turning your coaster into a vase. Remember, it must still be the same diameter of the original coaster, or points will be deducted."

Thirty minutes passed, but only Hermione had managed to complete her assignment correctly on the first try. Neville's vase had exploded, sending glass to the four corners of the Earth, and Harry's original attempt had left him with a plate. As class started to wind down, Ron found himself getting desperate. His "vase" was only two inches high, really just a taller version of his coaster. 

          "Everybody, you have one minute before the end of the class!" the transfiguration teacher warned.

Ron ran over the incantation in his head one more time. "Here goes nothing," he muttered. "Morphelius!" Ron's wand emitted a puff of smoke that hit the coaster. When the fog cleared a crystal rose was in its place.

          "Nice flower, Ron," Harry stated, "But what are you going to put it in?" 

Ron scowled before picking up the rose. "Your vase should do." With that, Ron plopped the flower into Harry's finished product. The boys looked up to find Professor McGonagall shooting them a disapproving look from her desk. Harry coughed and removed his friend's rose from his vase. When the bell rang Ron picked up his books to exit the room, but before he could leave, found himself detained. 

          "Mr. Weasley, a word? Oh yes, and bring your vase with you." Ron grimaced; it seemed his rose was not appreciated.

          "Professor," he began, "I'm so sorry, but I think what happened was that I stressed the 'mor' and—"

          "Weasley! Calm down, I am not going to scold you, even if that _is_ the most pitiful excuse for a vase I've ever seen."

          "Er…thanks."

          "Now, what are you planning on doing with that rose?" 

Ron looked down at the plant in his hands. "Throw it out, I suppose. I don't' really have a use for it." 

Professor McGonagall put her head in her hands and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like the word 'hopeless.' "Maybe you should give it to somebody…" she prompted.

          "Like who?" Ron was thoroughly confused. He'd never actually had a conversation with his teacher before, and was a tad bit scared. 

          "Is there anybody that you might have made, oh, I don't know…angry today?"

          "Maybe." The thought crossed Ron's mind that it seemed as if McGonagall was trying to set him up as well, but quickly discharged it as a product of sleep deprivation. Not that he'd been sleep deprived as of late.

          "Good, I'm glad we had this talk, Weasley. Now, hurry along, you'll be late for your next class." 

Ron left the classroom in a rather large daze, visions of a matchmaking McGonagall running through his head. "What next, Draco Malfoy?" he said to himself. With that he tucked the rose into his bag and left for Charms.

*~*~ -------

That night Harry and Ron were discussing the latter's talk with Professor McGonagall. "I don't know Ron, I think it's a pretty good idea. The French gave America a huge statue to promote good tidings, your rose should at least lower the contempt."

          "When did you start learning about politics?" Ron growled, annoyed by Harry's lack of compassion.

          "This summer when I was trying to keep my mind off the tournament. It was in one of Dudley's books. Why, want to borrow one?"

          "No."

          "Right then. So, are you going to give it to her or not?" Harry didn't bother to hide his grin.

          "I guess I am," Ron stood up and looked at Harry one last time. His friend gave him an army salute, then made a shooing motion with his hands.

          "With friend's like you, who needs You-Know-Who!" 

Ron crossed the Common Room somewhat slowly, trying to delay the inevitable. When he finally did reach the table she was situated at, he pulled out a chair and waited for her to respond. Fifteen minutes later, she still hadn't looked up.

Impatience finally caught up with Ron. "Hermione, are you just going to sit there and read? There _is_ more to life."

Hermione glanced up at him, her eyes somewhat misty, "I've been waiting for you to tell me that all day!" 

          "You have?" Ron pinched his arm, trying to decide if he was in another daydream. 

          "That's why I got so angry this morning, because you didn't care." Hermione made this sound as if it were the most logical explanation in the world.

          "But Hermione, you hate it when I interrupt you when you're reading." The world had been turned upside down and shaken for its lunch money, Ron concluded.

          "Yes, but you always do it anyway. This morning you didn't even bother, so I thought you didn't care."

          "Um…I guess that makes sense," Ron said, thinking that it didn't make any sense in the least. Ron pulled the rose out of his bag, hesitantly placing it on the desk before his friend. "I…I thought you might want this, since I messed it up and all." 

Yes, Ronald Weasley was the Don Juan of Hogwarts. However, Hermione picked up the crystal figure lovingly. "It's beautiful Ron, the best vase anybody has ever given me."

Ron turned a few shades of red, but managed to stop the color display after about seven or eight different tints.

          "Right, goodnight then." Ron got up to leave.

          "You're just going to go to bed?" Hermione looked at him incredulously.

          "Yes, it's been a really long day and all…bye!" Ron retreated to his dormitory. When he got there, Harry was waiting for him. In the background Dean and Seamus were looking through a Quidditch magazine, while Neville was snoring loudly.

          "Guess I should call off all the plans," Harry assessed, looking at Ron's blush.

          "Not so much, Harry."  

          "What do you mean? Didn't she like the rose?" Harry inwardly sighed.

          "Um…yes. But you see, I kind of left right after that."

Harry's feelings of guilt over handing Ron over to Draco seemed to lighten, "What do you mean you _left?_"

          "I said goodnight, then I left." Ron threw himself on his bed, then buried his face in the pillow.

          "You, my friend, are pathetic."

          "Idwo." Ron muttered, his head still in the pillow.

          "What about Idaho?" Harry wondered when his friend had learned about that particular state.

Ron lifted his head so that he could talk to Harry—rather than the sheets. "I said 'I don't know,' what's an Idawho?"

          "Idaho, Ron, and never mind. Just go to bed." 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

I know you all were expecting Draco preparing Ron for the date, but this chapter kind of wrote itself. However, be here next time for Draco, Ron, and lot so of hair gel. Muah.

I'd also like to give a special thanks to everybody that reviewed the last chapter, not only did you guys get me into the triple digits, but you made a rather hellish-week ten times better than it would have been. My gratitude to…

Tsunami Wave: Brilliant idea! Now you can tell everybody you're responsible for my responses. Ooh…alliteration.

The AngelicFairy: Maybe your hopes will be answered soon!

She's a Star: Wow! A review for every chapter, and with a top five list included! Here's another chapter, so need to die of Kiss the Girl deprivation. Thanks!

Redgem: What can I say? You're the best editor a fangirl can have! And those multiple personalities you have, nothing to worry about. I think…

Silver Phoenix: Yes, as much as I love it, when you get down to the most basic summary, there are definitely some things to poke fun at. ::Grins::

PrincessMiyako: Yes, maybe I should have named the story "Oblivious," all the characters seem to do an awful good depiction of the word. ^_~. I'm glad you like the portrayals as well, it's so hard to know if one's doing the characters justice. And the commas…I've been working on the problem forever, hehe.

EclipsedPlanet: Yes, Harry was scared for his life there. It was just my way of satirizing all of the slash that starts out that way. No offense to slash, of course. Just because I can't stomach it, it doesn't mean I'm against it. ::Grins::

Ilana Grint: You sure did go through a lot of trouble! I hope your computer is okay. Your review was by far one of the most entertaining I'd ever gotten, thanks!

carlyd: Your compliment was particularly touching, as there are tons of good Draco's out there. I'm so glad you liked mine.

dannysgirl: There seems to be a conflict going on between those rooting for H/G and those against it, but I think I can safely hint that you might be right. 

Tikal: Yes, though I don't think Seamus cross-dresses in all of his leisure time, I felt the need to write the incident in here! ::Grins::

jaffacake: Yes, you never know when you're going to get a teacher like that! ^_~

Hermione_2000: Well, I'm glad you liked most of the story! No promises on Ginny, though. Don't worry, this is a Ron/Hermione fic., and I will try my hardest to keep the story centered around them. Thank you for the review!

laJaridiniere, Dibble (fear not, I'm back!), The Evil One, the queen of fire and ice, wmlaw, shan, Maddie Lupin, venus725, Meg, Hyperlymad, Heather, HermioneJayne, FoolofaTook, and Marionette also get a big fat thank-you! (As opposed to a skinny little one ^_~, thanks guys!) 

I replied to all the reviews from chapter six, if you ever left a comment before that, the thanks apply to you as well. Without the readers, my story would just be another thing for the voices inside my head to mock me about. If you were in here, and wonder why you didn't get your own little spot, it's just because there was nothing to respond to that didn't involve the word "Thank You," repeatedly. I love you all just as much as anybody that got a comment, fear not!

You see how much I worry about you people; I'm bordering neurotic here!

Okay, maybe I crossed the border a while back, but still.


	8. Makeover Madness

Kiss the Girl

Chapter 7

Makeover Madness

~*~

Author's Notes: Sorry for the wait on this, once again. However, I had to perfect Draco, he's incredibly hard to keep in character. To tell you the truth, I don't even know how much I was able to capture him in this chapter. Um…I'm sure I have more to say, but I can't remember what that is, so let's just get on with it then.

Disclaimer: I once had a dream where I owned Harry Potter. It was a very nice dream. Alas, a dream it was.

Wow, that was practically poetry.

Anyway, Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, Scholastic, and a plethora of other people, none of which I happen to be.

***

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. 

**-Woody Allen**

***

Halloween had fallen upon Hogwarts in a flurry of excitement and liveliness. As it was a Friday, the impending Hogsmeade visit had added to the enthusiasm, and to some, anxiety. Of course, the word "some" really only applied to one person, Harry Potter. Not only was it the day he was sending his two best friend's on a date, but he was leading one of the aforementioned friends into the hands of his arch nemesis, Draco Malfoy. It wasn't until Herbalogy, however, that Harry really began to worry.

"Maybe you shouldn't have carved the mouth first, Neville." Hermione looked at the pumpkin Neville was giving a nose to. As it was Halloween, Professor Sprout had given them a special treat, pumpkins that became animated after they were carved. Neville's kept shouting instructions at him, most along the lines of "Hey! Watch it, your hand is shaking," and "Why aren't my eyes the same size? You don't see me making _your_ face lopsided, do you?"

Harry's pumpkin, on the other hand, remained peculiarly quiet, bestowing upon him knowing looks that, quite frankly, scared the wizards out of him. Finally, Harry couldn't take it any longer. "What? Why do you keep staring at me like that?"

          "You've got a secret," said the pumpkin, "And you're very nervous." The pumpkin, whose voice was female, batted her eyelash at him (Harry deeply regretted giving it those.)

          "And just how do you know that?" Harry whispered, trying not to gain Ron's attention.

A smug grin spread across the pumpkin's orange exterior, "Because you _look_ like you are. That, and you keep mumbling to yourself."

          "Am not!" Harry couldn't believe he was fighting with a possible dessert.

          "Are too!"

          "Not!"

          "Too!"

          "Mr. Potter…Ms. Pumpkin," Professor Sprout, along with all the rest of the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, were staring at the scene blossoming before them. "If you wouldn't mind," the teacher continued, "I'll ask you to continue carving a bit more quietly."

          "Sorry Professor," Harry mumbled, shooting the pumpkin a nasty glare. The pumpkin just smiled, looking rather proud of herself. 

          "Are you okay, Harry? You've been acting jumpy all day." Hermione walked up to Harry and laid a hand on his forehead. "You aren't getting sick, are you?"

          "Sick?" Harry said stupidly.

          "You know, as in cough, wheeze, gag?" interjected Ron from his place on Harry's left.

Harry remembered his earlier conversation with Ginny about getting out of the Hogsmeade trip. Thinking quickly, Harry formed a story. "Now that you mention it, I am feeling kind of off, maybe I'll go see Madame Pomfrey after class." Hermione and Ron both nodded, causing Harry to breathe a sigh of relief. 'So far, so good…as long as you don't count the pumpkin,' he thought.

***

          "Harry, I thought we were going to see Madame Pomfrey?" Ron gave his friend a questioning glance. The two boys had just dropped Hermione off at her last class of the day, Arithmancy, and were class-free for the rest of the weekend.

          "Ron…I have something we really need to talk about," Harry started, turning a corridor as he did so. "You see, I don't think I'm going to make it to Hogsmeade tonight."

          "Well if you don't feel well, that's understandable."

          "I feel fine, Ron."

          "Then why did you tell Hermione you didn't?" Ron was now thoroughly puzzled. Not to mention a bit scared.

          "Because you're going to go alone with Hermione, and I didn't want to make that obvious." Harry stopped walking to gauge his friend's reaction.

          "That's silly, Harry, all you had to do was tell us if you didn't want to go. We could have all stayed here."

          "No, Ron, you see—I want you and Hermione to go." Harry felt a drop of sweat begin to form on his forehead, and he began to loosen his collar.

          "We could have done that too, Harry. I mean, it's not like you were tagging along on a date." All of a sudden Ron's eyes began to resemble saucers as a thought dawned upon him. "You don't have a date tonight, do you Harry?"

Okay, so it was the wrong thought, give the guy a little credit.

Harry started to grind his teeth, silently asking the heavens why his best friend was so thick about things that involved the combining of males and females. "No, Ron, _I_ don't want to go on a date tonight."

          "Harry, you're acting as if you wanted me and Hermione to go on a date." Ron laughed at the absurdness behind the thought.

          "Ron!" Harry practically shouted, "That's exactly why I wanted you two to go alone! So you could go on a bloody date!" Harry grabbed his hair and tried to refrain from pulling on it.

          "Oh." Ron began to look nervous. "You know, I was kind of thinking that you were going towards that direction, but now that you actually _say_ it, it makes sense."

          "Ron, just stop talking, please." Harry stood for a second, trying to remember the yoga instructions his Aunt Petunia had forced him to read to her as she attempted to accomplish the moves on her mat in the living room. Needless to say, those were troublesome times, and the memories were a bit hard to retrieve without bursting out into tears.

          "Can I talk now?" Ron asked meekly. Harry just nodded, breathing in his nose and out his arm—wait, that couldn't be right. "Harry, I don't think I _can_ go on a date with Hermione, what if I mess it up?" Ron went on.

          "You spend plenty of time alone with her, Ron, how is this any different?"

Ron began walking back towards Gryffindor Tower, calling back behind him, "It just is!" Harry considered jumping out the nearby window, but soon realized that he was on the first floor. 'Well, maybe I'd twist my ankle if I landed hard enough,' he contemplated, before at last realizing that this action would only add to his turmoil. 

Double damn.

***

Half an hour later Harry had managed to work some courage into his reluctant friend. His speech had finished with, "What are you Ron, a man, or a Slytherin?" and had been quite moving, in his own opinion. What Ron didn't know was that Harry had a preceding event planned, and by all means, Harry didn't want Ron to know either. It was for this reason that Harry let Ron be led like a lamb to its slaughter, totally oblivious to his fate. Truthfully, it wasn't far off from Ron's usual schedule.

At around five o'clock the two made their way to the library, where Harry had told Ron they were meeting Hermione. What Harry hadn't told Ron was that he was lying through his teeth; they were actually going to meet Malfoy. When the room they were meeting the Slytherin in came into view, Harry cleared his throat. "Ron, I think I forgot something in here. Mind if we stop by?"

Ron looked a bit confused, "But we don't have any classes in here Harry, this is the Advanced Transfiguration room."

          "I know, but trust me, we need to stop in." Harry opened the door and stepped inside, happily noting that the lights had not yet been turned on. 'At least Malfoy wasn't sitting here waiting for us,' Harry thought. After Ron stepped through the doorway the lights mysteriously turned themselves on, giving the boys a sudden view of everything in the room. 

All the desks had been pushed to the side, leaving only one chair in the middle of the room. On it sat Draco Malfoy, waiting for him.

          "What are you doing here, Malfoy?" Ron spat vehemently.

          "Haven't told him yet, have you Potter? Oh well, it's more fun this way." Draco inspected the nails on his left hand.

The silver-haired boy's statement seemed to divert Ron's attention away from pummeling Malfoy with a dull pencil. "Harry, what is he talking about?"

          "Well, you see…I kind of…" Harry trailed off, fearing for his life.

          "What did you do, Harry?" Ron's voice was very low, and very scary.

          "DracoMalfoyisgoingtogetyoureadyforyourdatetonight!" Harry finally got out.

          "Tell me you didn't say that Draco Malfoy was getting me ready for my date tonight, tell me I didn't just hear you say that!" 

Harry said nothing.

          "Anytime today, Harry, just take your time." Harry squirmed under Ron's stare.

          "Oh, but he did." Draco finally answered. "So get your pitiful self over here, Weasley, you're on my time now." 

Ron ignored this, "But Harry—why? I thought we were friends." Draco made a gagging motion from his place in the middle of the room, before promptly falling off his chair and pretending to have died. 

          "Ron, I thought you'd have more confidence if you looked like you wanted to impress Hermione. Hermione is going to go through the same thing—more subtly of course, and without Draco."

          "Who planned that?" asked Ron.

          "Ginny, she knows everything." The tone Harry used was reminiscent of a bad soap opera character revealing their secret love affair with their husband's father's mailman's bank teller."

          "My own sister! Who next, my Mum?" 

          "I can assure you that your mother isn't involved in this, at least, I don't think she is. She may be in cahoots with Ginny," Harry mused.

          "Argh!" Ron turned to leave, but found the door locked.

          "You're not going anywhere, Weasley." Draco said, sitting on the chair once again. "You and Granger _will_ get together, or I didn't make an addition of 142 insults to my list this week."

          "What are you talking about? Has everybody gone nutters?" Ron started to pound on the door. 

          "I'm sorry about this Weasley—wait, no I'm not. Oh well, I guess we're doing this the hard way." With that final declaration, Draco started to wave his wand. After saying a few choice words Ron found himself tied and gagged, and withering on the ground.

          "Malfoy! What are you doing?" Harry shouted, quite alarmed.

          "Ever heard the expression, 'beauty is pain,' Potter?" Draco then looked over Harry's angry form. "But then of course you haven't, just look at your…well, there are too many different things to comment on, let's just leave at you." Draco then levitated Ron to the chair he'd just vacated, before adding another rope to keep Ron seated.

          "Mary elp!" Ron tried to say, but of course "Harry" came out sounding like "Mary," causing Draco to snicker.

          "Malfoy, untie him right now!" Harry shouted. 

          "Potter, he'll thank you later, I swear. And if he doesn't, I'll give him a bit of a memory charm I picked up over the summer."

          "Where, 'We Are Villains Sleep Away Camp?!?!'" Harry was growing increasingly panicked. 

          "Potter, one more outburst and Crabbe and Goyle will have to restrain you."  Harry's head turned to the side of the room, where the two cronies were standing stupidly, not even noticeable due to their lack of human characteristics. Maybe if they'd been in the jungle, however, they'd have gotten a spot on a nature program. 

Anyway…

Harry resigned himself and gave Ron a guilty look, then started to rummage through a box that was lying on the floor. 

          "Hair-raising Hair Gel: Look Perfect or Die trying? Malfoy, what is this stuff?" Harry picked up a bottle of the previously commented upon gel.

          "It's not like _I_ use it Potter, I got it for Weasley here." Draco seemed to be growing a bit nervous.

          "Yeah Wite," Ron mumbled through his gag. Harry walked up to him and pulled the piece of cloth out of his mouth. Draco lunged, but it was too late.

          "I AM SO GOING TO KILL YOU HARRY POTTER, AND YOU TOO, DRACO MALFOY! I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU UP INTO FIFTY BILLION PIECES! I'M—" Harry quickly put the gag back in Ron's mouth.

          "I've never seen him this angry," he told Draco.

          "And all I did was tie him up, gag him, and hold him here against his will. I never thought Weasley to be one to be melodramatic like this…oh wait. Yes, yes I did, because he's an idiot." Draco shrugged his shoulders and took the bottle of gel from Harry's hand. "And go stand in the corner, Potter, your presence is bothering me."

          "Malfoy—" Harry started.

          "Away, away. Really, you Gryffindors are as stubborn as roadkill. The car keeps coming but you don't move out of the road." Harry was about to comment about Draco's knowledge of such muggle things as "cars" and "roadkill," but then decided he really didn't want to know. Sighing, Harry went and sat down at the nearby window seat.

          Forty-five minutes of madness ensued. Harry watched as Draco used an ocean of gel on Ron's hair, taming it until it was smooth and sleek. Of course, Draco used gloves as he did this, commenting that the Weasleys were all probably infested with lice. As Draco worked on Ron's part he mumbled to himself, a long stream of self-contratgulation such as, "I am a genius—no, _the _genius." Or, "Thank wizards that I was created, the world would just have ended if Weasley was permitted to walk around looking like he does." There was also the one that made Harry reconsider jumping out the window, "I am God." Ron had passed out halfway through the experience, and Draco had placed a levitating ruler under his chin to keep his head in place. 

          "Alright, the hair's done," Draco finally said, much to Harry's relief. "Now let's get his outfit together."

Ron immediately woke up, crying, "Nwoooo Nmph Nwooo!" Harry guessed he wasn't pleased.

          "Weasley, one more comment out of you and I'm having Crabbe and Goyle wrestle you into leather pants. Green leather. Really tight green leather—with snake scales. Ooh—I like that." Draco got a far off look in his eyes as a malicious grin crossed his face. Harry cleared his throat desperately, wishing that he could take some comfort in…in…anything, really.

          "Oh right." Draco got back to the task at hand, walking around Ron is slow, deliberate circles. "What you need, Weasley, is a fashion coordinator, and seeing as I'm the only one here who can really qualify as 'the sexiest man alive,' I suppose the job is up to me. Crabbe!" Draco's crony lurched over towards his master—er…friend, and waited for his orders. "Pick up that book that's in the box." Crabbe did so, almost squishing it his large hand.

          "Honestly…" Harry couldn't help himself. However, Draco ignored the comment and Crabbe just didn't understand.

          "Okay, Weasley, I'm going to change your clothes now." Draco watched as Ron tipped the chair over trying to escape, and Harry bent beside him, trying to untie the ropes, not even bothering with a wand. "Not _that_ way, you idiots. With a spell," Draco stopped to roll his eyes here, "we _are_ at Hogwarts after all. Or perhaps you two are too dense to have noticed.

"I'm thinking…khakis. Draco pointed his want at Ron and his old gray pants turned into those of crisp tan. "And maybe…green? Or maroon (here Draco gave Ron a smug grin) or possibly…blue." Draco waved his want again and a light blue button-down shirt replaced his old sweater. His robes were still in place, but hung loosely, revealing the new and improved—and very pissed off—Ron. One more wave and the ropes and gag blew up into dust, leaving Ron spitting out the remains.

"Malfoy, if I ever see your slimy face aga—" Just then, Draco held up a large mirror that had been in the box. It revealed to Ron a self he had never imagined. His hair looked like that of a male model's (A very manly one, however, he told himself) and his clothes were straight out of Brooke's Wizards, the famous wizard's men clothing store.

"I look _good!" _Ron  whispered, turning around in front of the mirror. "Thanks, Harry." Harry waved away the thanks, not bothering to spare Draco a look.

          "You little ingrate!" Draco gathered up his things, then left in an insulted huff, Crabbe and Goyle waddling behind him.

          "Now it's time to go meet Hermione, Ron." Harry said, still in awe that his best friend was fixed up so nicely.

          "Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Ron started pluck at his new shirt.

          "Ron, don't you dare mess yourself up—I don't ever want to go through that experience again."

          "And about that…" Ron turned on Harry, an angry look on his face. "Don't you _ever_ do that again. Ever. Do you understand me?" Harry nodded fervently. 

          "Right then, let's go." Ron started out the room, Harry behind him.

***

At about the same time Ron had been led to his doom, Hermione was reading a book peacefully by the fire. Of course, she probably wouldn't have been if she'd known what fate was about to drop over her head. Or rather, her two roommates were about to drop over her head.

          "It's gorgeous!" squealed Parvati, picking the fabric off of Hermione's head. "It will look perfect with her hair." Hermione turned around to see Lavender exclaiming over a skirt that would travel almost to a girl's knees. It was red and possessed a fine gold sheen, making it glimmer every time the light caught it.

          "It's very pretty, Parvati, but why did you feel the urge to drop it on my head?" Hermione put down her book, carefully noting the page number for future reference.

          "Because you're going to wear it, silly!" Lavender scolded.

          "I am?" Hermione questioned, all wisdom deserting her.

          "Yup! I've had it sitting in my closet for _ages_, but I don't think it looks good on me. I was cleaning it out, you see," Lavender gave a Parvati a suspicious smile, "and came across it. I thought maybe you could wear it."

          "You don't mean tonight?" Hermione asked.

          "Why not, it is Halloween after all!" Lavender started to pull Hermione up the girl's staircase.

          "But what does that have to do with anything!" was the last anybody heard of the struggling Hermione.

Ginny watched from a nearby chair, smiling at her own cleverness. She'd barely had to broach the subject with Hermione's roommates before they'd jumped on it like hungry wolves. She hoped Harry and Ron had such an easy time.

***

When Hermione came back down the staircase an hour later her hair was straightened and curled at the ends, courtesy of a new wand treatment Lavender had read about in "Witchly Vogue."

          "Oh, Hermione!" Ginny instantly shot up from where she'd been waiting her friend's descent.

          "What, is it that bad? I don't know why they wanted to do this, really, Ginny…" Hermione trailed off, waiting for the younger girl's reply.

          "You look beautiful, Hermione," Ginny's voice was soft.

          "Really? Do you think Ro—er…everybody will like it?"

          "I know at least one person will," Ginny said under her breath. She glanced at Hermione's black three-quarter shirt appreciatively, noticing the pretty gold ribbons that wrapped around the bell cuffs.

Hermione followed Ginny's gaze, "I've had it awhile, but never worn it before. Lavender found it in my trunk." Hermione put on the cloak she'd been holding up until this point. "Well, I better be going. I'm supposed to meet Harry and Ron now." However, just as Hermione was about to climb through the portrait hole, in came the two she'd been planning to meet.

Ron and Hermione stared transfixed at each other.

          "Hi," said Ron.

          "Hi," replied Hermione. 

Harry looked from one to the other, then coughed. "Yeah, so I think I'm sick. I'm going to go lie down. You two have fun."

          "Alright then, Harry, feel better," was Hermione's heart-felt reply.

          "Yeah," was all Ron bothered to say.

          "Have fun!" Ginny started to push them out the portrait hole, rolling her eyes as Ron tripped and Hermione went to steady him. With a little click, the portrait swung shut.

Hermione blinked. "Where's Harry?"

Ron smiled, "Sick, or something. Shall we go?" With one last guilty look, Hermione followed, falling right into Harry and Ginny's master-minded plan.

From the inside of the Gryffindor Common Room, Ginny smiled. "They're so…oblivious."

          "And unless a miracle occurs, I don't think it will end here." Harry took out a notebook from the bag he'd been carrying. "We must be prepared for disaster."

          "But Harry," Ginny started, "Everything is going so well."

          "It is now, Ginny, it is now." 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Of course that wasn't foreshadowing, who does that? Oh, how I long to give way to my infamous evil laugh.

Right, so, thanks are in order:

Margarita Mocha, Tsunami Wave, Vicky, ice cherries, Marionette, fluffy-rose, Dragon Girl Revlis, Venus725, Nezumi-chan, Princess Eliana, and carlyd.   

Hyperly Mad- I'm so glad you liked it! Your long stream of asking for me to write more was inspirational, so hopefully you'll like this new chapter as well.

Jen- And you thought Harry Potter was all bad, hmph. You see, t'is truly a wonderful thing. And if it's the last thing I do, you _will_ read the books.

Amber- Wow, that's one of my favorite parts too! ^_~

Bethany- Where do you get all those wet noodles? Really, it's like you have a secret supply. Maybe I'll have to infiltrate it to save myself. 

tnturner4- There seems to be a dilemma over what I'll do with these two, as it's been commented on by others. However, I can only say this: I'm a Harry/Ginny shipper. However, that doesn't mean I have imminent plans for the pair in this story. You'll have to wait and see. Thanks!

Annie- I'll definitely take you up on that offer! Thanks!

Tikal- Glad to be of service! And yes, orange juice is cult material.

Silver Phoenix- Yes, it seems I've gone down a road from which I can never return. Not that I want to, hehe.

Foolofa Took- Thanks for your devotion, your constant stream of great reviews is just amazing! And trust me, I know what it's like to be in sap land. Sometimes you just get stuck. Ouch—that was possibly the worst pun I've ever uttered. But anyway, fear not, I read plenty of sap!

jaffacake- You're quoting me? ::Daydreams:: Well, good for me, bad for your friends. ^_~ However, I won't be the ones to stop you. And yes, Ron is the most loveable fool a person can meet.

laJardiniere- Actually, I don't think I am, seeing as my name is French too. Ah well, my beta-reader didn't get to read that part. ::Sigh:: I hope it's right this time! ::triple checks spelling:: Thanks!

Linnetjo- Aww, thanks! I know how hard it is to leave a ship you're devoted to!

She's a Star- I just love your reviews, they always make me feel so warm and fuzzy! Hope the hair gel wasn't too scary.

Megaroni-  Thanks, Meg! Long live Rob Lowe! (Though he's g-g-gone! ::Sobs::) But his new move is on tonight. Yum.

Hopeless Romantic- Thanks, I'm loving writing it. I find most of my quotes at: http://www.quotationspage.com/, though I do have a variation of other random places. 


	9. In Which Ron is Hearing Voices

Kiss the Girl

**Chapter 8**

**In Which Ron is Hearing Voices**

**Author's Notes:** Yes, I've done it; I've put a song in here. But don't worry, this is not a songfic. per se. I just needed something to set a Ron/Hermione mood, and wound up founding this adorable song by Jimmy Durante, called _Make Someone Happy. _It might even be a good idea to download it, for your listening pleasure. It's from the _Sleepless in Seattle _soundtrack, and can be summed up very easily: short and sweet. I'm telling you all this so you bother to read through the lyrics, it's not necessary, just helps to make atmosphere.

Secondly, I'm sorry for the wait here. However, I didn't want to just write the date and be done with it, I needed to add something special. I think the new "character" that makes a special appearance in this chapter gives this segment the spice it so badly desired. I hope you find the wait was worth it.

**Disclaimer:  **I am currently seeing a shrink. The shrink says that I need to live in the real world, not one I've made up. I guess that means I can't say I own Harry Potter. But then, that didn't stop me from whipping out my wand and turning the shrink into a toad—yeah, I know, I'm not original. I sure showed her reality.

But where was I?

Right…I don't own Harry, never have, never will. Unfortunately. 

***

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 

**-Franklin P. Jones**

***

Luckily enough, Hermione and Ron were not in the Common Room to hear Harry's ominous declaration. It's not that Harry was morbid, you see, just used to disaster. Disaster on a large scale, too. One might mention the time when Hermione got petrified, or when Ginny got possessed and dragged into a big sewer-like tunnel. But perhaps we've traveled down this road before.

Ron rocked from front to back, hands in his trouser pockets. Hermione was staring at the Fat Lady suspiciously, as if the portrait knew the reason for Harry's odd actions. Eventually, Ron cleared his throat. "I'm sure Harry's fine, Hermione, but we should probably go if we want to make it back in time for the feast." Ron looked at his watch, "The feast is starting late because of the Hogsmeade weekend…so we have two hours until we have to be back here at eight o'clock."

          'Ronald Weasley, everybody, with a brilliant rendition of Big Ben,' a voice echoed through Ron's head. The redhead thought back to when he had told Harry that hearing voices in the wizarding world was a bad thing, and gulped. It seemed he was being paid back for the comment now. 'Yeah, karma's a bit—" Ron shook his head, temporarily clearing out the voice.

          "Are you okay, Ron?" Hermione was looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

Ron fought back a blush. "Yeah, just anxious to get going, is all," he lied.

Hermione and Ron started off, both still pretending that what they were doing was in no way resembling a date. If Fred and George had been there they would have stated that 'denial' wasn't just a river in Egypt. The couple, or two friends, as they would have called themselves, walked down the dirt path towards the village, casting surreptitious glances at each other as they went. When one managed to catch the other they would both look away, blushing, making the new friend Ron possessed in his head quite exasperated.

          'This is pathetic, just kiss her already,' said the voice.

          'I certainly will not!' thought Ron. 'No matter what Harry says, this is not a date.'

          'And I'm not making you think you've gone bonkers, whatever gets ya to sleep at night, buddy.'

Ron fought back the urge to throw himself onto the ground and flail his arms and legs. No, he didn't think that would help anything, but it was tempting all the same. Hermione seemed oblivious to Ron's inner-voice, which Ron felt was just about the only thing he had to be thankful for. That, and the way she had just blushed when he looked at her.

          'Maybe she does like me…' Ron thought.

          'Give the guy a prize!' came the unheard voice. 'At this rate, he'll be tying his shoes by Christmas.' Ron wondered if was possible for one to dismantle their own brain. 'Not so much, no,' the voice had taken it upon itself to answer Ron's question.

          "Ron, where do you want to go?" Hermione's voice cut through Ron's pensiveness like a knife, causing him to blink.

          "What did you say?" he said.

          "Honestly, Ron. Maybe if you just paid more attention you wouldn't be having so much trouble with your History of Magic essay."

          "No, but maybe if that class wasn't where I caught up on all my lost sleep I wouldn't," Ron quipped.

Hermione didn't reply, afraid Ron would bring up the few times that she too had succumbed to the melodic lullaby of Professor Binn's voice. It was the perfect thing to get a person to sleep. Ron was smart enough to keep his mouth closed though, which prevented what would certainly be a fight. It would not have helped that they had just stepped on to the village's main road, and were in a swarm of people, a very bad place for a _proper_ fight.

          'Good thinking,' Ron's head told him.

          'Don't you ever shut up?' was Ron's reply.

          'Not with that kind of attitude,' huffed the voice. Ron got the mental image of a tiny Ron pulling out a beach chair and umbrella, lounging about as if he was not going anywhere any time soon. 'Did I just get myself mad at myself?' he wondered. The voice, angry at him, chose this comment to stop replying. However, this was the only break Ron would gather all night, so he should have enjoyed it. Too bad it only made him scared.

"Well, we could go get a drink, if you want to," Ron stammered, hoping that she would indeed want to.

"I'd like that, Ron." Hermione blushed.

It was true that Ron and Hermione had gone to The Three Broomsticks together many a time, especially during their third year when Harry was unable to attend the visits, but this particular expedition seemed nerve-racking somehow. Hermione handled this stress by babbling ceaselessly, talking about everything under the sun. Ron even heard her mention S.P.E.W., something she rarely did anymore (this was probably because the house elves had threatened to shrink all of her clothes in the beginning of September, during another one of her futile efforts to make them ask for a salary.)

Ron heard only bits and pieces of the many topics, losing himself in the way her body moved as she walked and talked. She had a habit of speaking with her hands, using them to indicate what she was feeling. However, once she had made a hand motion a bit too flamboyant, and the back of her hand brushed up against Ron's chest.

          "Sorry!" she exclaimed, pulling her limb back as if it had been burned. Ron wondered if he had spilt the hot chocolate he'd had that morning on his shirt.

          'Yeah, that's just what happened, smarty,' the voice was back with a vengeance, causing Ron to groan.

          "Are you okay, Ron?" Hermione asked, misinterpreting the sound. Of course she had barely touched him, but that didn't make a difference.

Ron made it a mental note to avoid the voice inside his head, in case Hermione took a notion to having him committed. "Er…yes, I was just thinking."

          "So you groaned?" Hermione looked confused.

          'Well, it is a bit hard for you,' said the voice. This comment made the redhead wonder if Draco Malfoy had literally gotten inside his head.

          "No, I was thinking about the essay I have to write on the origins of astronomy, is all." 

          "Oh, well, I could give you some pointers in the pub," offered Hermione.

          "Okay, we'll start with the opening paragraph, then the body, and then the conclusion," kidded Ron, who knew full well what kind of reaction this would create.

          "Ronald Weasley! You know perfectly well that I will not write this essay for you…" Hermione carried on until they reached the door of The Three Broomsticks.

          "Yeesh, I was just kidding, Hermione," Ron finally interrupted.

          "It wasn't very funny," said Hermione. At the same time the voice in his head uttered the same thing.

          'I think the whole world is against me!' Ron thought to himself, not surprised when the inner-voice only laughed. He pondered if Dumbledore could kill the little bugger, causing the voice to give a low growl. 

          'Just hold the door open for her!' the voice hissed. Ron, thinking that this wasn't a half-bad idea, did so. Hermione looked at him quizzically, unaccustomed to the newfound chivalry Ron had picked up.

Inside the pub everything was a mix of orange and black. Carved pumpkins lined the large window shelves, blissfully unenchanted, and therefore silent. Sparkly gold letters hung over the bar, reading "Happy Halloween!" A skeleton sat at a nearby booth, drinking ale and not caring that it passed right though his body, splattering on to his seat and the floor below him. Hermione shivered at the sight, she hated skeletons. Ron, noticing this, put a hand on her shoulder.

          "Are you alright?" Hermione looked up at him and then back down at his hand. Ron wondered if she was going to make him move it. Or maybe just break it while she did it herself. Though the two had never been cautious of causal touching before, tonight was a different story. Thankfully, Hermione did neither, just nodded and walked to a booth on the far side of the room. Ron shrugged, hopelessly clueless.

          'But that's why you have me!' a voice piped up—though only in Ron's head of course. Ron suppressed another groan, then followed Hermione back to the table.

***

          "Ginny! We can't go _spy_ on them."

          "This, coming from you! Absolutely precious," Ginny grumbled.

          "What are you talking about?"

          "Are you not the same boy who has spied on countless people in your five years here?" 

Harry looked at her nervously, unaware of what she knew about his adventures. "What are you talking about, Ginny?" he said seriously.

          "Don't get your knickers in a twist," Ginny waved her hand as if dismissing his concern, "I only know what the rest of the school knows—though I'm sure there's plenty more—which basically consists of the whole mess with the Philosopher's Stone and…" she trailed off, the playfulness in her voice gone.

          "And what, Ginny?" Fear that his secrets had leaked out was replaced by worry. "You mean the Chamber of Secrets?" he asked quietly. She only nodded, then shuddered.

          "I don't want to talk about it." Ginny got up from couch she and Harry were sharing. Harry followed her, then put a hand out on her shoulder. 

          "Ginny?"

          "What?" Ginny didn't turn around. In truth, her emotions were in uproar. The way Harry had just touched her seemed painfully cruel. She'd waited a long time to have him with her like this, and now all it brought was agony. He was her friend, that was all. She briefly considered if it would be better to end their newfound friendship then let him continue torturing her with his kind words and gestures. However, Harry's next sentence caught her by complete surprise, and vanquished the idea from her mind. 

"How about…how about one day, I'll tell you my secrets, and you can tell me yours?" 

          'I suppose that if all we'll ever be is friends, that's good enough for me,' Ginny told herself, not completely sure that she telling herself the truth. It's awfully funny really—the way human beings can lie to themselves, the only person who can actually know _everything_ about them. Very funny indeed. 

Ginny turned to face him, "I'd like to do that one day, Harry. One day," she started up the dormitory stairs.

Harry, feeling sorry for bringing up her second year, let his guilt get the better of him. "Ginny!" he called. She turned to look at him questioningly.

          "Let's go spy on Ron and Hermione," his words caused her to give him a big smile before going up to get her cloak.

***

Harry and Ginny walked to Hogsmead without the use of the Invisibility Cloak, planning to just keep in the shadows while near Ron and Hermione were nearby.

          "I feel like James Bond," Harry told Ginny at one point.

          "Like James what?" 

          "No, not what, who. James _Bond_. He's a British spy from the movies."

          "The what?" 

Harry shook his head, hoping Ginny hadn't inherited her father's fascination for anything that had to do with non-magic folk.

          "Harry, tell me!" Ginny insisted, very put out by Harry's lack of a reply. Harry went on to explain the whole process to her, and later the entire plot behind James Bond. When they were done, Harry waited for her response.

          "Okay, so, I get to be a 'Bond Girl' or whatever that is, since you're James Bond?" she asked him.

          "Er…if you want, I guess." Harry had never known Ginny to be so quirky, never having been subjected to her actual personality, only the clumsy stuttering act she lapsed into when she happened to notice his presence.

          "Alright then, James. Let's go." Harry followed her into The Three Broomsticks, where both spotted Ron and Hermione immediately. They depended largely on the flock of Hogwarts students that surrounded them to make them unnoticeable. The pair slid into a booth opposite the room from Ron and Hermione's, making sure that they could see their friends, but their friends couldn't see them. 

A band was set up, Harry noticed, looking towards the front of the pub. Indeed, a witch was singing prettily, and couples both young and old danced on a newly erected dance floor in front of her.

Hermione and Ron never noticed Ginny or Harry's entry, and continued chatting for the better part of half an hour. That is, until Ron noticed the way Hermione was watching the other couples dance.

The voice in Ron's head decided there was no better time for a pep talk. 'Alright, buddy. This is it, the chance you've been waiting for since the first time you set eyes on her.'

          'But I didn't like Hermione the first time I met her!' argued Ron, who wanted nothing better than to shut the voice up.

          'Sure you did, you just didn't know it. You were only how old? Eleven, wasn't it? Of course you didn't know you liked her then! Honestly.'

          'What's your bloody point,' Ron mentally grumbled.

          'Ask her to dance, Ronald. Come now, you're a big boy, use that head of yours.'

          'How am I supposed to do that when you take up so much space up there!' Ron rebuked.

          'Ron, just do this for yourself, and I promise to leave you alone, for the time being that is.'

          'Any deal that would make you stay away longer?' tried Ron.

          'Don't bet your galleons on it.'

Ron sighed, facing the inevitable. "Erm…Hermione," he began.

          "Yes?" she asked.

          "You wouldn't want to, oh I don't know…"

          "Yes?" Hermione repeated.

          "Dancewithme," finished Ron in one quick word.

Hermione smiled at him. "I'd love to Ron, but I'm really an awful dancer." 

          "You didn't dance awfully with Krum last year," grumbled Ron, forgetting that he probably shouldn't bring up the Bulgarian Seeker.

          "I wasn't very good, Ron, and you know it," huffed Hermione.

          'No, you were beautiful,' said the little voice in Ron's head.

          "No, you were beautiful," said Ron.

Both he and Hermione were astounded. For you see, Ronald Weasley didn't say things like that…things that made Hermione's face turn crimson and a hesitant nod overtake her head. Ron, afraid to speak for fear of saying anything else that was hideously embarrassing, held out a hand to her. She accepted it, and they walked out onto the floor.

          "He did it!" squealed Ginny, jabbing Harry in the ribs.

          "I know, I can't believe it," replied Harry, staring wondrously at the sight from the dark table.

          "I wish I could go out there and dance, too," Ginny said, more to herself than to Harry. 

Harry kept staring at his best friends. "I'd take you, but I don't want them to see us." Harry hadn't even realized that he had said these words, but Ginny surely did. The bottle of Butterbeer she had brought to her lips was just sitting there in her unresponsive hand, perilously close to spilling all over her.

Ron was much to wrapped up in Hermione to check on the actions of his best friend and little sister. After a brief moment of confusion, the couple had their arms in the appropriate positions, but had yet to begin dancing. 

          "Maybe we should start?" tried Hermione.

          "Er…I guess that's a good idea."

Suddenly the girl on the makeshift stage cut the music, causing Ron and Hermione to jump apart. "Don't leave just yet!" the singer said. She had long ebony hair that hung to her waist, and very pale skin. Pale pink lips and dark eyelashes complimented her pale blue eyes, but Ron didn't notice any of this. He just stared at Hermione, hoping he would still get to dance with her. "This next song," continued the singer, "is one of my father's favorites. He's a Muggle, you see, and one wrote this song as well. I know it's not what you all are used to, but I thought I'd give it a try."

Just then the new song began to play. It reminded Hermione of the songs her father liked to listen to, and she laughed, wondering perhaps if it was one he _did_ listen to. Ron placed his arms back around her body, tickling her as he did so, she shivered. They started to sway to the happy tune…

_Make someone happy,   
Make just one someone happy;  
Make just one heart the heart you sing to.  
One smile that cheers you,  
One face that lights when it nears you,  
One girl you're ev'rything to.  
  
Fame if you win it,  
Comes and goes in a minute.  
Where's the real stuff in life to cling to?  
Love is the answer,  
Someone to love is the answer.  
Once you've found her, build your world around her.  
  
_          Ron leaned in, not caring that the song they danced to wasn't the most romantic he'd ever heard. The song made him want to kiss her, and the voice in his head cheered him on.

Literally. 'Go Ron, go Ron, go Ron, it's your birthday!' it cried.

Harry smiled to himself, thinking that he was very happy that he wasn't jealous of his best friends' budding romance, as it certainly seemed to be coursing full-speed ahead.

Ginny bounced up and down in her seat, unable to keep a goofy smile off her face as she watched the couple on the dance floor. Ginny, being quite the romantic, was in her glory.

Hermione realized belatedly Ron's intention, when his lips were only a few centimeter's from her own. Then she did something that shocked everybody.

          "No, Ron—don't." Ron pulled away immediately, a hurt look in his eyes. His first "kiss" was a failure, and the girl he wanted to give it to had rejected him.

Hermione was crushed by the look in his eyes. "Ron…I'm sorry…" a tear ran down her face as she ran out of the pub, leaving Ron standing quite alone.__

_Make someone happy,   
Make just one someone happy,  
And you will be happy, too._

______________________________________________________________________________________________

I felt so cruel writing that. Really, I even considered flaming myself. Ah well, I'm the almighty author; I can do whatever I want! (Even though my beta-reader tells me I'm wrong and will face death if I don't get another chapter out soon!)

Oh, and by the way, I didn't do this just to piss you all off, I have a valid reason…you'll see. I'll try to get the next chapter out by Christmas, and if it's not out by New Year's Eve you have my permission to come beat me to a bloody pulp.

Fleur

Fleur422@yahoo.com

Thanks and appreciation goes to:

kitty, Vicky, carlyd, cute lil' pig, Marionette, hermandron4ever, ~*~QuEeN oF fReAkS~*~,  Princess Eliana, ferggirl99, Smiley Happy Person, Akumo, Candycane, and Maddie Lupin.

As well as: 

Tikal- How ever did you know that they were incapable of having a perfect date? Am I that transparent? Hehe, oh well. Tell your brother I'm glad he enjoyed the story! Oh, and thanks for your nice comments on Draco, I was so worried.

Alli-Baby- Well…they almost did.

She's a Star- At last, I've updated! Now I can go read your lovely ficcy, Imaginary Romance. You know I love it! And yes, the leather pants, as my beta-reader tells me, should qualify me into the membership of some kind of cult. Can't say that I wouldn't _consider _joining. Or just joining. Yum.

Sarah Christine- If it were anybody's story but my own, I too would think myself fond of being cruel to these poor children. As it is…yeah, I admit it, never mind. ^_~

SMgirl2k- Don't die!

Nezumi-chan- That's an interesting concept, hehe. And about the leather: I couldn't resist.

Hermione 2000- You'll just have to wait and see how this baby ends. I don't think you'll be **too** repulsed, though. ^_~

Jaffacake- Yes, I've messed with them just a teensy weensy bit. Or a lot. Thanks!

Redgem- What can I say to you, my darling beta-reader? For starters, what took ya so long! Hehe, just kidding Gem. You know that it was my fault this chapter took forever, at least it was _this_ time. I honestly don't know where I'd be without you, my friend. Your feedback is like that of 100 reviews, you make me feel warm and fuzzy. Or maybe that's just the tea…

Margarita Mocha- Aww! Your review makes me blush every time I read it. First I'm a Godsend, then JK. You really know how to make a girl feel loved. Thanks!

tnturner4- Not read my reviews! I would never, hehe. Thank you!

Venus725- Indeed, I was a wreck. I'm glad you liked him, though!

Fio Kerry- What a compliment! The best you've ever read? I highly doubt that, as I've read some pretty amazing ones. However, it meant a lot to read that, and I give you tons of thanks.

Jen- I'm well on my way to being done with _The Lord of the Rings_, so if I were you, I'd dust off the Harry Potter books. Thanks for reading my story, and leaving such nice reviews, it means a lot, especially as you're not a Harry Potter lover, oddly enough. ^_~

laJardiniere- Diabolical? Me? Yeah…

I Luv Me- Eek! Your threat (empty as it was) gave me nightmares! I updated as quickly as possible, so please don't' force-feed me Prozac! 

Savage Rose- Thanks for all the nice comments! I'm glad you like it so much. I like the quotes, too. It gives me a chance to go read other people's funny lines. Sometimes I'm even tempted to pick ones that have nothing to do with the chapter whatsoever, hehe.

Silver Phoenix- Yes, Draco's a wiz with the hair scissors. 

Eclipsed Planet- Okay, so I'm predictable, I admit it. Thanks for the nice review!

Marsfire- Thanks, Mars! You're too sweet, even if you are dodging me? You say you're at work, but I bet you're really plotting world domination. The worst part is you're doing it **without me**! What's with that? Thanks, darling.

mini veela- The best? I don't know about that. But thank you for the kind words! I appreciate them so much!

Lady Norbert- Wow! That you think so highly of me is enough to keep a smile on my face all the live-long day. Ooh…I'm trying hard not to break out into song here. Anyway, thanks for the nice comments, you don't know how much they mean to me!


	10. Beginning to Crazy Glue Broken Hearts

Kiss the Girl

Chapter 9

**Beginning to Crazy Glue Broken Hearts**

**Author's Notes:** Glad to see you all managed to stick around through the last chapter. I should tell you now, however, there will be several chapters after this one, as the story doesn't want to end yet. Trust me, a person feels when a story is dying, and this one is still ready and raring to go. The length of this is a bit shorter than usual, but that's because it's more of a buffer and character evaluation section.

Not that I really have a clue of what I just said, but still, I think it is. ^^;

And as for reviews for responses:

As I don't want to lose my life by putting this out later than I promised, I'll combine last chapter's and this chapter's review responses together and put them in the next chapter. Either way, thanks to anybody who left a comment! Every word is appreciated!

**Disclaimer: **

Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter,

A name that Peeves would rhyme with rotter.

Rotter isn't really a word, though it has a has a nice ring,

So I suppose we've all learned nothing.

Yeah…I know it stinks, but at least now you can't sue me! ^_~

***

You don't die of a broken heart, you only wish you did. 

**-Marilyn Peterson**

***

Ron wished that the floor would open up and eat him. And not just eat him, mind you, but also crunch him up into itty-bitty pieces with razor sharp teeth so not even his remains could be seen.

Damn it, where was Hagrid and his pets when you need them?!

The voice that had inhabited Ron's head all night seemed to have left. 'It figures,' Ron thought darkly, 'that they'd _both_ leave, why would any one stay?' The forlorn figure eventually found his feet, and walked over to the booth where he and Hermione had been sitting. He felt numb now, totally and completely unfeeling. He doubted if he'd ever truly feel again.

***

"Oh my wizards…" Ginny finally said, after about ten minutes of shock and silence. Harry nodded beside her, unable to add anything more intelligent to the declaration. "She left. She just…left. After all our hard work…she _left._"

          "Stop saying it, Ginny, please," Harry moaned.

          "She left…"

          "Ginny!"

          "Sorry."

They sat there for another couple of minutes, watching Ron as he gulped down drink after drink. Of course, the drinks held only the tiniest bit of alcohol, but at the pace Ron was going it seemed he was trying valiantly to get himself drunk. "We should do something," Ginny gave Harry a look that plainly said, '_You_ should do something, for I sure as bloody hell don't want to.'

"Can't I go have detention with Snape instead, it's looking cheery at the moment," Harry began to work up the will to move, unsure which thought he'd follow through with.

"I'll go with you," Ginny told him, standing up and waiting for him to do the same. "But we'd better hurry, he's starting his fourth…" she trailed off, wondering if that was a martini Ron was holding. But surely nobody would give one to a fifteen year old! Ginny started to doubt that reasoning, observing that Ron was looking _awfully_ pathetic over there. 

Harry seemed to be thinking the same thing. "Let's go," he said, sounding as if they were marching into war. Ginny nodded, trying not to let her legs win the battle to run away like Hermione. The two worked their way through the throng of dancing people, many of which were their peers. It seemed, however, none had witnessed Ron's plight, or were too scared to admit they had. 

At last, the duo stood before Ron. He didn't even turn his head to them, just sighed. Harry sat down next to him, and Ginny across. Nobody said anything for a long time.

***

          "We should go, the feast is starting in ten minutes," Ginny's comment broke the silence like a chisel cracking into ice.

          "I'm not going to the ruddy feast," Ron said sourly. Of course, he had ever right to be sour.

          "Ron, it might be good for you. You'll get your minds off things, and maybe you should eat something," Harry tried to sound like a nurturing friend, but thought he came off a bit desperate. 'Which I am,' he admitted to himself.

          "Harry, after tonight…I want you to stop."

          "Stop eating?" Harry wondered if the beverages Ron had consumed had managed to get to him.

          "No. I want you to stop trying get Hermione and me together. We never would have worked anyway. We're too different, and she obviously doesn't want anything to do with me."

          "Ron, that can't be true!" Ginny exclaimed. "Harry and I were here the whole time and things were going wonderfully between you two."

          "Wonderful seems to have a different meaning than what I thought it did," Ron said darkly. 

          "Ron, don't…" Ginny looked at Harry for help, who was just as clueless as she.

          "Ginny, I mean it. Both of you, promise me right here and now that you won't try to set me up with Hermione."

Ginny looked ready to protest again, but Harry spoke before she could. "We promise, Ron." 

          "Good, I'm going back to the castle. I'm going to skip the feast and go to bed though, so you two have a good time." Ron waited for Harry to move so he could get out of the booth; Harry obliged. Ron walked towards the door a different person than he who had entered, his gait a little slower and his head a little lower. Ginny felt tears prickle in the back of her eyes, feeling guilty and not knowing why.

Ron had always been her favorite brother. Charlie and Bill had been more like uncles, already quite grown by the time she was born. The only time she really remembered spending with them as a child was during the short summer months between terms.

Percy was too bossy for anybody's liking, especially Ginny's. Though she'd endured all her life, learning from a very young age it would do little good to argue with him, Ginny wasn't the type of girl who liked to be bossed around or manipulated. After the incident with Tom she had become especially loathe to do something she didn't want to. This excluded, of course, such things as favors or chores, but could be applied to situations where a person was pressuring her to do something. Her entire family had taken little time to notice this after her second year (the discovery came via Fred and George, of course), and Ginny was known as person who could be _extremely_ scary when she was angry, even by the twin's standards. 

Fred and George had each other, they didn't need—or want, for that matter—to be anybody's favorite. They took delight in causing chaos and didn't want any extra-special bonds getting in the way of a good prank. Ginny had often wondered what would happen the first time they gave a No-Gravity Gummy Worm to their future intended. 

Ron had always been a friend to her, though. He had never let her down, and Ginny had a feeling he never would. Their closeness in age was nice, too. The summer before her first year at Hogwarts he had spent hours comforting her and telling her all the wonderful things there were about Hogwarts, rarely mentioning any memories that had to with Voldemort—which is saying quite a lot, too, as most of them did.

          "We're just giving up then?" she couldn't help but question Harry's promise to Ron, especially when she was feeling more than ever that Hermione should be with her brother. 

          "No, not entirely." Harry stared out the window, watching Ron as he walked back to Hogwarts.

          "Then why did you promise him, Harry?" Ginny was curious indeed.

          "First off, I just have to say that even though I wasn't particularly fond of watching my two best friends snog, I was hoping they would. With this in mind, I managed to keep my eyes open right before Ron tried to kiss Hermione."

          "Harry, get on with it."

          "Right, anyway, she leaned in at first. She _wanted_ him to…you know…"

          "Sweep her up in a romantic embrace that defied all time and space?" Ginny suggested casually.

Harry looked at her strangely, "Do you read romance novels or something?" 

          "I read one once, just to see what they were like," Ginny crossed her fingers under the table, deciding she was not ready to share with Harry the fact that she was an addict. In actuality, she was an expert when it came to heaving bosoms and reluctant damsels. Luckily, she had learned there was a fine line between the romance in the books and the romance of real life. For example, just how often did the dashing prince/celebrity/assortment of any other incredibly handsome men ever jump over a couch to confiscate their declarations of love? 

Harry, blissfully unaware of Ginny's trail of thought, seemed to take her answer with no qualms, and continued on.

          "So, I think all we have to do is find out _why_ Hermione left Ron, and then get her to tell Ron the reason."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "You, Mr. Potter, have become an all out matchmaker, even after Ron just tried to stomp it out of you."

          "No! But don't you see, it's not matchmaking, it's just finding out the problem, and besides, it's been such a quiet year."

          "That's just because nobody's tried to kill you yet!" Ginny's eyes grew large as she began to stutter, "N-n-not that I meant that, well, I don't mean to say—"

Harry cut her off. "Ginny, we all know that I'm devastatingly killable, and talking about it isn't really that big of a deal. But perhaps we could just do so a little less."

          "In the end, I don't think you'll have to worry, Harry." Ginny's grew serious as she cautiously reached out a hand to put over Harry's. She'd never been so bold before, and Harry wondered how she had managed to change it such a short amount of time. But then again, he had never really known her before this year. Harry felt a bit ashamed actually, of having never bothered to find out her real character after five years of friendship to her brother. Perhaps it was his fault she'd always been in the shadows. "Harry—you do realize how many people would do anything for you? Don't you? There's Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Mum, Dad, Hagrid, Professor Lupin…" Ginny neglected to mention herself.

          "I know Ginny," Harry said, feeling that he should be the one to comfort her. He squeezed her hand. "But now I think it's time to get back to Hogwarts. I think food deprivation has gotten to us all."

***

Ron sat and stared out the window in his empty dorm room. He hadn't bothered to turn the light on, and was basking in the glow of the silver moonlight. It was oddly comforting, and he began to realize why Ginny always spent hours gazing at it at home. Charlie had gotten her started on it when they were all children, and the addiction had never gone away. Nor the one she had for romance novels, but that was another story.

The feast was definitely in progress downstairs, Ron realized. However, his crushed ego, not to mention heart, did not allow him to go enjoy it. The scene of Hermione running away from him kept replaying in his head like a History of Magic class. It even seemed to be in slow motion, and everybody had gathered deeper voices.

          "I'm soooory…" said Hermione's irrationally deep voice, then she turned and left at the pace of a snail. Ron thought that if she really had gone that slowly he could have caught her.

          'And done what?' he asked himself. 'Stood there and made a fool of myself again! All this time I let Harry and Ginny convince me that she wanted more than friendship…I was so stupid!' Ron looked at the moon, half expecting a reply. But the moon did nothing but shine brightly, never wavering. It's steady light kept on glowing, and his depressing thought kept on coming.

What Hogwarts really needed was a school shrink.

***

Hermione sat and stared out the window in her empty dorm room. She had lit one solitary candle, and was attempting the process of writing an essay that was always assigned to those going into sixth year.

          "I'm finally getting a head start on my summer work!" she said aloud, not listening to the very small part of her that wondered why in hell she was doing homework that wasn't due for another year. It sounded very much like Ronald Weasley.

          "Damn you, Ron!" she crumpled up the paper and threw it into the wastepaper basket by the door. The outburst was extremely uncharacteristic of the Gryffindor prefect, and would have had Lavender and Parvati banging on Madame Pomfrey—nay, Dumbledore's door. Hermione Granger did not curse; she was supposed to be perfect. Not that perfect people almost kiss their best friends, she mused.

The night had been cruel to Hermione Granger, almost as cruel as she thought she had been to Ron. 

          "But I don't care!" Hermione was talking out loud again, and tears were streaming down her face. "I have tons of reasons why I can't be Ronald Weasley's girlfriend, _tons_! I was stupid to ever go out tonight, stupid, stupid, stupid!" The girl gave up on staring and lay down on her bed, forcing her tears to retreat. Or at least endeavoring to.

***

Albus Dumbledore was in the middle of a particularly grand piece of asparagus when the absence of two of his students, as well as the despair of two more, came to his attention. 

He chewed, then swallowed. That being completed, he began to study the faces of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. Both looked tremendously dejected, as if their favorite Quidditch team had been just lost a game 580 to zero. He remembered when the incident had happened to him, when he was just a little boy. 

Zoning back in to the problem at hand, Dumbledore began to put the pieces together. He'd been watching the ongoing relationship of Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger for years now, and found the pair quite amusing. It wasn't many student couples that could cause such interest in the man, and there hadn't been one at Hogwarts since Lily Evans and James Potter, which could emit chuckles from him even in the bleakest of times. He'd used the trick at his sister's husband's uncle's funeral, even though it had not been a particular bleak time for him. It had worked wonders.

The present couple, if one could really call them that, were obviously not skipping the feast to hold a clandestine meeting of great romance in some closet or another, but were having issues. He used the word issues lightly, remembering an "issue" that had involved a frying pan and James Potter's head. He winced just thinking about it. 

Perhaps he'd have to investigate the situation a little more, the man thought, as he took another bite of his asparagus. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

I bet you've never ended a chapter with the word "asparagus," now have you?

Next chapter: 

Dumbledore talks to Ron, Ginny talks to Hermione, Harry talks to…

…

Crookshanks, perhaps?

  
Please Review!


	11. Confessions and Crazy Conversations

Kiss the Girl

**Chapter Ten**

**Confessions and Crazy Conversations**

**~*~**

Author's Notes: Hey there, folks! Thanks for getting me over 300, I love you all for it. You make my days ten times brighter than they would ever be without your encouraging words. This chapter is dedicated to anybody who's ever reviewed.

Oh, and I have a very sad little story that would like your feedback, written by moi. Please be a dear and check it out.

Link:

[http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1165545][1]

Mailing List:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Updates_From_Fleur/

***

The most important thing in conversation is hearing what isn't being said. 

**-R. Lanz**

***

"It's awful, you can't even begin to understand. I've been sullied, did you know that? I had an association with Draco _Malfoy_, whom I absolutely detest. It'll take years before I can ever talk to Ron about the month of October again. I don't know what we'll do if he ever asks me for the date next year.

"My life was going okay, it really was. The end of last year was a nightmare, don't get me wrong, and I'd trade anything to have never lived it, but besides that, my life was great. Except for those ten years with the Dursleys. But besides _that _everything was going fine. But then fifth year starts and _BOOM_, everything goes wrong! Both of my best friends are angry at each other and Ginny, well, don't even get me started on Ginny. All that, and I think my Charms' grade is slipping. I just don't know what to do." Harry fell back into the newly fallen snow from his seat on the edge of the Quidditch pitch. He'd come here to escape reality, but someone had followed him and was now the recipient of this pouring out of emotions. "So, what do you think?"

Crookshanks, Hermione's Tabby, only cocked his head to the side. However, he was wearing an amused grin that bewildered Harry to no end. In fact, it wouldn't surprise the boy if the cat _could_ understand everything he was saying, and was secretly laughing at his mistress' funny friend with the big mouth.

He would probably go and tell all the other cats about it later, and they'd all laugh at him—or whatever cats did to express that they found something pretty damn funny—mewing about that comical boy with the thing on his head that went around talking to them like they'd answered. They probably didn't even think him worth a reply!

Harry shook his head, very scared of where his thoughts were going. He blamed Ron and Hermione for this mess, never before had he imagined such…peculiar daydreams involving cats. Of course, that was before he'd started trying to get them together. It still amazed him that he'd started the whole project to protect his sanity, and now felt it slipping away as if it had never been there at all. 'Wouldn't Rita Skeeter like that,' he thought wryly. 

The month of November, aptly dubbed "The Aftermath" by Harry and Ginny, had been hell. It seemed that it an effort to forget about their date, Hermione had taken to acting as if she was angry with Ron. This, among other things, Ron could not even begin to understand. _He _hadn't been the one to run out on their date, _he_ hadn't been the one breaking hearts, it had been _her._

So, in response to Hermione's anger, Ron too became permanently annoyed. He hadn't even been in the mood to make up fake prophecies about death for Divinations, something that Ron loved to do. The two couldn't even watch his Quidditch games in the same bleachers, as it usually resulted in fights that would cause them, as well as the thirty or so people surrounding them, to miss huge portions of the match. Both had started to use he and Ginny as sort of buffers, never doing anything for or with each other unless they could communicate through one of them. Just that morning at breakfast an example had occurred, going something like this:

          _"Harry," Hermione said, "do you think you could ask Ron to pass that plate of Scrambled Eggs that he is so rudely hogging to himself."_

_Harry hesitated for only a moment, not in the mood to have Hermione seek vengeance on him as well. "Er…Ron, Hermione wants to know if she can please have the eggs."_

_          "Well," Ron had answered, pretending he hadn't heard any of the conversation that most of Gryffindor was listening raptly to. "I suppose she can have them, if she could just have a little patience and wait for me to finish with them." He then began to scoop eggs onto his plate…very slowly._

_          "Uh…Ron says he'll be a moment," Harry told Hermione._

_          "He didn't say that, the huge prat said—"_

_Ginny had been awaiting the impending shouting match with a sense of dread. She quickly broke in before Hermione could finish the sentence. "Wait! Both of you stop for just one minute!" She then grabbed Hermione's plate and the spoon from Ron's hand, before promptly dishing eggs out for the older girl. She then tossed the spoon back to Ron—none too gently, Harry noted—and gave the plate to Hermione, who accepted it with a curt nod. _

_          "Ginny Weasley, the girl who gave the breakfast table peace," Joy, a girl in Ginny's year stated, patting her friend on the back. Fred Weasley started to clap, and soon the entire table was applauding the red-haired girl, whose face had begun to turn pink and was slowly working its way up the color wheel. Hermione and Ron looked ashamed of their actions (though not enough to talk to each other) and went back to eating their breakfast in stony silence._

The memory dispersed as a cold gust of wind hit Harry's face, making him think, 'Hey, it's cold out here. Maybe I should go inside…'

Just then, another voice echoed the question. "Harry, have you forgotten it's December? Where on Earth is your scarf?"

Harry looked up to see Ginny Weasley staring down at him, one eyebrow raised and her arms akimbo. "Hi there, Gin. I'm just…" he trailed off, trying to think of something less blunt then, "hiding from my friends."

          "Hiding from Ron and Hermione?"

Okay, Plan A had died, time to move on to Plan B: Denial, Denial, Denial (that was it's name, Harry hadn't had time to really concentrate on the title so much has accomplishing the act it was named for.)

          "No, I'm just…" he looked up at Ginny's questioning eyes, "hiding from Ron and Hermione," he admitted. Deep inside himself a little piece of Harry Potter was wondering why he could defeat demonic psycho's intent on taking over the world but couldn't think up a halfway decent lie. "I suppose that sounds horrible."

          "Harry, don't be silly. What do you think I'm doing?" They both laughed and sat down, it seemed that hiding together was quite a bit more entertaining than hiding alone.

On the other side of the pitch an orange cat sulked off, intent on telling all the other cats in the castle about that weird Harry Potter character.

***

          "You wanted to see me, Professor Dumbledore?" Ronald Weasley shut the door to the headmaster's office, a bit nervous about his reasons for being here. Nobody ever went to the old man's personal office for scones and tea. And if they had, he had never been invited. Which left him with the notion that he'd done something wrong. Though he'd racked his brain for exactly _what_ he'd done when Professor McGonagall had summoned him to the headmaster's office, he hadn't come with anything better than the incident last week when he had dropped a bottle of ink on Mrs. Norris.

It was _so_ an accident.

          "Mr. Weasley, what a nice surprise!" Dumbledore smiled. Ron just looked confused, wondering how his visit could be a surprise when he had been called here. Of course, wonderment only lasted so long, this was Dumbledore, after all. "Sit down, sit down," the aged wizard behind the desk used his wand to draw out a chair. Ron sat, fidgeting like a little toddler.

          "Did you know, Mr. Weasley, that I have been observing you this past month?"

Ron swallowed his pride and prepared to beg, "Sir, I'm sorry I dropped the ink on Filch's cat, I swear, I didn't do it on purpose—" Dumbledore interrupted the tirade.

          "This isn't about the cat, Mr. Weasley, though that's very interesting."

          "Oh."

          "However, seeing as I my ears have been going in and out of deafness since I became Headmaster here, I'm willing to attest your story to them." Ron blushed and Dumbledore smiled. 

          "So…Professor, what are we here to talk about?" 

Dumbledore only smiled. "It's been said that the present is only an empty space, that it lies between the good and the bad."

          "Like You-Know-Who?" asked Ron, growing solemn.

          "Yes…much like Voldemort. But it also applies to the rest of life. At every moment you are affected by your past, which in turn, means that you are creating your future. The smallest action or conversation could become the fabric of your destiny."

          "Sir, I'm Ron Weasley. Do you—do you want me to go get Harry, because this really sounds like something you should be telling to somebody like him.

The headmaster's eyes gave way to their familiar twinkle, "Even those who are not 'heroes' must live their lives, and fulfill their destiny, Mr. Weasley. Now, I suggest you think about what your future should be, how you want it to be. Perhaps that will help your present situation a little more." Ron thought back to his hellish date that he'd shared with Hermione and wondered just how much Dumbledore knew about his "present situation."

          "Is this about Hermione, sir?" Ron's mind was slowly cleaning the dust off the cranks, as it gave way to deep thinking.

          "Mr. Weasley, did I ever tell you about the time a student here was hit over the head with a frying pan by his future wife?"

Ron looked frightened, was Professor Dumbledore warning him about Hermione being a prime target for assault and battery? "No, Professor," he said.

          "Yes, well, you're much to young for that story anyway. But, just for curiosity's sake—do you know Miss Granger's birth date?"

          "Um…" Ron thought. "I think it's in September, sir."

          "You'd do best to find that out exactly." Dumbledore stood up and Ron followed suit. "Thank you for coming, Mr. Weasley, I hope you think about what was said here today." Ron smiled and said his goodbyes as he climbed down the stairs leading him back to the main halls of Hogwarts.

***

Three days later Ginny walked into the Gryffindor Common Room through the portrait hole. There was snow in her hair and even more covering her cloak. Her cheeks were tinted a healthy pink, and her eyes were sparkling with life. She, Harry, and the twins had just had a snowball fight against a group of students from Ravenclaw, and had come out much the victors. 

Ginny thought about one particular moment of the battle. 

**Earlier that Day…**

_"Alright, Ginny, you take the first quadrant, Harry, you the second. George and I will work on ammunition. Use what you have wisely, and whatever you do, don't get hit. The Ravenclaws are clever little buggers; they've got lots of brains and a whole lot of snowballs." Fred peeped out from the giant mound of snow that the four were hiding behind, before quickly ducking down again as a ball of snow whizzed past his head._

_"Yes, sir, Captain, sir!" George saluted and began making snowballs, Fred nodded and began to help._

_"Ya know, Fred…you sounded a lot like Percy when you just said all that."_

_Fred didn't look up, "George, I was just thinking up a plan that involves live bait."_

_          "Really, mate? It doesn't involve Ginny, does it?"_

_          "Alright, alright, I'm going," their sister had mumbled, making Harry laugh. The two parted ways, taking a pile of snowballs with them as they went. However, before they did so, Ginny enquired as to the whereabouts of Ron and Hermione._

_          "Last time I saw them," started Harry, "they were fighting over the color of parchment."_

_          "Harry, be serious."_

_The boy in question looked her in the eyes, "I am."_

_Just then a snowball the size of Ginny's head fell by the girl's foot, showing quite clearly that it was time to carry out the plan._

_Ten minutes of bombardment followed, neither Ravenclaw nor Gryffindor backing down as they battled for total domination of the snow. Nobody noticed when one Ravenclaw threw a perfectly aimed hit at Ginny's head, nobody except Harry, that is._

_          "Nooooooo," he called, watching in slow motion as the white object followed its trajectory towards Ginny's now widened eyes. Doing the only thing he could do, Harry dove long and hard, taking the snowball in the chest, before falling to the ground in a heap._

_Ginny blinked. Fred and George roared with laughter, which was soon echoed by the Ravenclaws. Harry didn't move, not even a finger._

_          "Harry?" Ginny asked, breaking off a giggle. She took a step closer, then leaned down to tap him on the shoulder, a bit worried at his lack of movement. _

_          "ARGG!" Harry had grabbed for Ginny's knees and sent her crashing down into the snow, screaming like a banshee at the scare he had given her._

_Ginny was looking livid. "Harry Potter, you git! I thought you were a dead!"_

_George, who had come over to point and laugh at his sister, piped up, "From a snowball, Gin?" Just then another snowball came flying at the three, and Ginny took out her wand (which was strictly prohibited in snow ball fights) and enchanted it to fly into her brother's mouth._

_Harry and Ginny looked at each other before bursting into laughter._

**Back at the Portrait Hole…**

Ginny walked over to the fire and took off her mittens, laying them down near the hearth so they could dry. The common room was near empty, all of the other students off doing various activities. She noticed a few of the younger students at a table by the window, the only occupants to be seen.

That was when she noticed Hermione, cuddled up with a book in a large red chair. Ginny quietly walked up behind her, looking down at the book.

It was upside down.

          "So, Hermione," Ginny began, watching as Hermione jumped a little, "what are you reading?"

Hermione put a hand to her heart, "Really, Ginny, you shouldn't scare people like that!" The younger girl rolled her eyes. 

          "Well, what are you reading?"

          "Um…Hemingway." Hermione didn't sound too convincing.

Ginny turned the book right side up in her friend's hands, "I think it helps if you hold it like this." Hermione's face turned crimson. "You weren't thinking about Ron, were you?" Hermione didn't even reply. "Because, I've been wondering lately just _why_ you're acting so mean to him."

Hermione looked into her friend's eyes, "Him? What about me?"

          "Oh, yes, well…I don't know your side of the story." Ginny gave Hermione a pointed look. "Nobody does."

          "Really, Ginny," Hermione scoffed. "It's obvious, isn't it?" 

Ginny looked at her incredulously, "Not so much, no."

          "You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?" Hermione gave Ginny a weak smile. "Maybe it'd be good for me to tell…"

          "That's right, Hermione. A burdened soul is a sorry soul indeed." 

Hermione laughed, "Ginny, you never were a poet."

Ginny laughed in return, "No, I wasn't." The pair sat in a comfortable silence for a moment. Finally, Hermione spoke.

          "I don't have a lot of friends who are girls. I never could find a use for them. They were always talking about their hair, their nails, makeup, the boys they like…the list goes on and on." Hermione sighed. "Then, last year, I realized something: I was kind of jealous."

Ginny scoffed, "You? Hermione Granger?"

          "I always look composed, and like I don't care, but sometimes I wish I were pretty like other girls, and that boys would like me. When Viktor asked me to the Yule Ball I was in disbelief, I had said yes before I realized that we really had nothing in common except the fact that we both haunted the library.

          "Then Ron got all angry about him, it wasn't until then that he discovered I was female. I had never forgotten it though. He and Harry have always been closer to each other than to me, sometimes boys need boys and girls need girls.

          "But, Ginny, until you and I started to talk, I had never had a girl friend to depend on."

Ginny was very moved by Hermione's speech, never before having realized that Hermione Granger, resident genius, was only a teenager, and had teenage problems like herself.

          "When Ron showed interest," continued Hermione, "I couldn't believe it."

Ginny blinked, "You mean…you know Ron wants more that just friendship?"

          "Of course I do, it didn't take long before I realized that. At first I was extraordinarily _happy_, but then I wasn't." Hermione stopped, and Ginny fought back the urge to push her on.

          "You like him, too, then." 

Hermione smiled, "Tons."

Ginny leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees, "Then _why,_ Hermione?"

          "Because…because I was scared. More scared than I've ever been in my life. Even when I came face to face with that stupid Basilisk in second year, I wasn't so scared. At least then it only lasted a minute. But this…it's like a never-ending queasiness in the pit of my gut. Did you know it made me feel so ill I only got a ninety-eight percent on my Arithmancy test last week?"

          "That must have been dreadful," Ginny pretended to be truly upset over this.

          "Ginny, what if this is all just because I'm here. I'm Ron's only friend who's a girl, what if I'm just a last resort? Boys have never fancied me, Ginny, I don't understand why he would."

The redhead couldn't believe her ears. "Hermione, you can't be serious! You are amazing, and my brother is head over heals because of it."

Hermione wiped away what looked suspiciously like a tear, "Ginny, what should I do?"

          "I think there's only one thing you can do."

______________________________________________________________________________________________

If you think Ginny's going to reply: "Join a cult and organize a mass suicide," you're wrong. Sorry. You'll have to tune in next time to find the answer. And about next time, I'm in the midst of my midterms, so writing is going to be put on hold. However, expect another chapter between late January and early February, it'll be good, I promise.

Next time: The confrontation we've all be waiting for…

Special thanks go to all who reviewed:

Wind Elf, Armaysha, Jen (thanks, that means a lot coming from you,) Tweek's Panda, Island-In-The-Sun, Taryn, I Luv Me (Yeesh, don't you ever put the Prozac away?), gem, Silver Phoenix, jess, marsfire (but then you wouldn't have a room), DigimonPrincess Shinaka, Marionette, Amy-amr2007, enelya, Princess Eliana, ferggirl99, Tifa Redfield, M. Sloane, Michelle626, Alli-Baby, mini vela, Araanaz, SnWfLaKeSwEeTy, poor-ophelia, weasleykid#8, Runa, Jenny, hermione cline, Mariadel, mandi32888, Nightshadow67, chessmaster60, kris10michelle, peeweepotter, Toffee, lostinthesupermarket, Dejitaru Yami, Corvixen, Eve, Something-Corporate1, JoyNspirit, Margarita Mocha, Lady Damita, Lauren…

Lost Dove- You are too sweet! I hope you didn't get in any trouble for being late. 

Hermione 2000- Take comfort in the fact that this isn't a story about them, they just pop up in it…a lot.

dont-wanna-be-just-like-you- Wow, that really is a compliment, seeing as their many that are simply wonderful out there.

f0xygrandma15- Wow, I've never had a marriage offer before, especially one as original as yours.

Vera Prscaleth- First off: thanks! Yes, I know, many have problems with the mild Harry/Ginny shipping I show, and honestly I'm sorry. However, I just like them as a couple and can't help but put them with other people. But really, you can't complain, can you? I don't have them snogging AT ALL, and if you'd like you can imagine that any day now they'll just wake up and think, "Wow, I don't think I like him/her." Of course, it's up to you. About Draco being shallow: Draco isn't a "good guy" at all, and from all the whining he does about going to his father, shallow is just how I picture him. I really had to work hard to make a Draco that wasn't too **nice**, as that's just not the Draco Malfoy we all know and love. But either way, thanks for your reviews (you're too sweet, ya know that?), and I hope I answered all your questions properly. :)

Lady Norbert- Yes, it's been a lifelong dream of mine to snog a Weasley as well. Hopefully our wishes will come true one day.

Venus725- At least _somebody_ is happy that Hermione ran away, kudos to you!

Weirdo- Thanks, that's one of the nicest compliments I've gotten on Harry/Ginny.

Cous-cous- Don't worry, if anybody asks, I'll say you were angry, nothing else.

Jaffacake- Soon…soon, all will be revealed.

Anise- Oh boy, way to make me blush! Now my face matches my hair again. 

She's a Star- Yes, and while we're on the subject of updating, where's the next part of _Imaginary Romance_, huh? 

Thanks for another wonderful review!

Tikal- Yes, I knew I'd have at least one person with a baseball bat at my door if I didn't have chapter 9 up by New Years, so I readily complied. 

FoolofaTook- Yes, well, asparagus isn't really filling after all, I guess.  

   [1]: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1165545



	12. Detention and Dilemmas

Kiss the Girl

**Chapter 11**

**Detention and Dilemmas**

**~*~**

**Author's Note: **Sorry for my little lie here, guys. It turned out that right after exams I had a twenty-page research paper, and then I promptly became ill after handing it in. All in all, it's been a busy month. I'm making it up to you, though. This chapter is what you've all been waiting for, not to mention nine pages long. Due to the length, I didn't even get around putting in my response to your reviews. Know this, though: I loved each and every one of them and thank all that gave their time to do so. I can only hope you continue. 

It has also come to my attention that fanfiction.net will be down on the fifteenth and sixteenth, and I probably should have just held off on this update. However, I'll be shopping in Boston (for a college, that is) and won't have another chance for at least a week and a half. 

Mailing List:

**Disclaimer**: I never knew just how hard it was to be witty. When I was a youngin', every chapter had some wonderful disclaimer, and now, I've got nothing. Zip. Zero. Nothing. 

Either way, I don't own Harry Potter, but if I did, book five probably wouldn't be the size of a dictionary.

***

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. 

  
**-Ingrid Bergman**

***

Severus Snape surveyed the group before him with a disgusted look upon his face, as if he was doing all in his capability to hold back some particularly nasty vial that was rising in his throat. It just so happened that it was the class he hated most, the fifth year Gryffindors, along with the slightly less despised Slytherins. It didn't help the fact that it was Friday, and all the little kiddies were more hyper-active than usual, brimming with energy they'd been storing up for the weekend, none of which they'd used to help their pathetic Potions' grades. And Severus was well aware of just _how_ pathetic each grade was, he'd bestowed each mark upon them himself. 

Even the Slytherins were getting on his nerves, and the only thing that kept him from taking off points was the fact that Lord Voldemort would become suspicious if he didn't play the part of his standard biased self. "I suppose you've all failed yet again, but what else is new. Except maybe for Mr. Malfoy here," Snape allowed himself to give an approving nod to the teenager before him, all the while fighting back the urge to roll his eyes at the silver-haired boy's smirk. Little did Draco know the only reason his favorite professor showed him such benevolence was because his father was the link that kept the Dark Lord from investigating Snape's rather treacherous activities. Voldemort didn't take kindly to spies, but as long as Luscious was feeding him tales of Snape's favor towards the Slytherins, and hatred towards Harry Potter, his attention remained diverted.

It wasn't at all hard to feign hate for Harry Potter, and it was an additional bonus because his cruelty (albeit rather _deserved _cruelty) towards the boy was something the Slytherins loved to see. It was with the fire of a thousand suns that Snape loathed the little bugger. If Dumbledore hadn't taken such a liking to the piece of pond scum, the professor would have put together an "accident" that would have left the Gryffindor with only seven fingers long ago. If dreams were reality, Harry would be one very disfigured fifteen-year-old. 

          "Hey, Potter, I see it didn't work out between your friends, but then, perhaps I can see why now." Snape had only just turned his back when Malfoy spat the comment, and he continued on towards his desk, pretending not to have heard. He missed the blush that rose instantly to Hermione's cheeks, and the renewed concentration Ron took towards his potion.

          "Blushing, Granger? I never saw you as the type. Of course, the situation must have been difficult for you." Draco paused and stared at his fingernails, examining them for any imperfections. "Although, maybe I understand the reasoning behind your inability to be one-half of a couple with the Weasel." Ron looked up from the ingredients he'd been slicing, a venomous gleam in his eyes.

          "And why is that, Draco?" Pansy Parkinson called from her workstation. Draco laughed and leaned over to stir his cauldron. 

"Well, perhaps Weasley here just came to his senses and realized that even though he's little better than one himself, he doesn't want to be seen dating a Mudblood like Granger. Especially one so ugly looking." Though Hermione had traces of tears in her eyes, she held on to Harry's arm, effectively stopping him from murdering Malfoy. However, due to her occupation with one friend, she missed the objective of the other.

Draco didn't even have time to blink before Ron crossed the room and took a stance in front of him. Snape, who had gone into his supply closet to gather a potion that he needed for his next class, remained blissfully unaware of the situation that was going on in his classroom.

          "Yes, Weasley, did you want to comment?" Draco seemed a little nervous, noticing that Ron was staring at him with quite a bit of rage. Harry felt Hermione's grip go limp around his arm, and started to walk towards Ron, wondering if Malfoy's aggression was coming from the fact that it seemed he would never get to use any of the insults he'd bragged about so extensively.

However, Harry wasn't fast enough, and was only in time to hear the words Ron was speaking with such menace. The redhead was fuming, and Harry was worried he was about to put a felony into action. "Don't you _ever_ talk about her like that again," Ron growled to Malfoy. "She's ten times better than you and your family, and you don't even deserve to say her name."  Draco's face took on a twisted appearance, and Crabbe and Goyle clenched their fists, ready to pounce at their friend's command.

With reserve that Harry didn't even know Ron to possess, the taller boy turned and started walking back to the table he shared with his two friends. "Come on, Harry," he called back. Harry couldn't resist the grin he allowed himself, and before he too started to go back to his place, he tipped his head towards Malfoy.

          "Before your time is through here, Potter, I'll have made you and your friend's very sorry. The Mudblood. The Weasel. You." Even his fellow Slytherins were taken aback by the threat, and Lavender and Parvati were even considering going for help.

In a flash, Ron was hovering over Malfoy, and his fist was flying towards the Slytherin's face. When he made contact, there was a sickening crunch, and then Draco fell to the floor in a heap. Crabbe and Goyle advanced, but not before Harry could draw his wand, along with his seven other housemates.

Before pandemonium could take hold, Snape reentered the room in a flourish, his black robes billowing behind him in a way that must have taken years of practice. His face was livid, and not one person in the classroom moved.

When Snape spoke, his voice was very low, and Hermione fearfully noted the white-knuckled grip he had on his wand. "What, may I ask, is going on here?" The bell rang in the background, but nobody went to leave, which was a very good thing, as Snape would have hexed anybody who had tried.

          "It was Weasley, Professor, he attacked me!" Draco finally said, his voice very nasally, as if his nose were broken (which it was.)

          "Did he now?" Snape cast his glare upon Ron, before looking at Harry and Hermione. "I suppose he was aided by his little friends."

          "Professor, Malfoy was saying things that no decent human being should say to another." It was Parvati, surprisingly enough, who came to her classmates' defense. It was not because she was the only one unafraid (she was petrified, in the sense that, though she wasn't akin to of a piece of rock, she was afraid), but the only one who trusted herself to speak without allowing a stream of dirty words to go flying towards Malfoy.

          "Thank you, Miss Patil, for your totally unnecessary outburst. I've made my decision. Fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor, and Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger will be serving detention tonight with Mr. Filch. You all shall clean up this mess, then you are dismissed. Mr. Malfoy, I suggest you go see Madame Pomfrey." Snape left the room, and very slowly the students started to shuffle out. 

Seamus Finnegan came and patted Ron on the back, "Good show, old boy, wish I could have done the same. Don't worry about the points, we'll spread the word about how it wasn't your fault." Ron nodded, then walked over to Harry and Hermione.

          "Ron—" Hermione tried to go on but Ron held up his hand. 

"I know, Hermione, I shouldn't have hit the slime ball." Ron gathered up his books, gave Hermione a wistful look, and then left the room.

"Well, this is nothing short of a mess." Harry handed Hermione her books and started to lead them out the room. "But still, I wouldn't be too hard on him. He really hates it when people make fun of you, Hermione. I mean, so do I, but I deal with it differently."

"What makes you think I was going to be hard on him?" Hermione screeched, causing Harry to sigh. 

"No reason, Hermione."

"I wasn't."

"I believe you."

"You're lying."

"I'm not."

"Harry!" 

"Hermione!"

"Don't you make fun of me while I'm yelling at you, Harry James Potter!"

"Hermione…"

The two continued on in this manner all the way back to the tower, where they found Ron sitting on the couch, staring out into space. When he saw Harry and Hermione he got up and walked over to them, an apology on his lips. However, before he could finish, Hermione interrupted. "Ron," she began, "I'm not going to be hard on you, I know you know what you did was wrong." With that, Hermione turned on her heals and retreated back to her room. 

          "I guess she's still mad at me," mumbled Ron, who sank back into the couch.

Harry plopped down beside him. "What on Earth do you mean? She didn't yell at you."

          "Ever since Hogsmeade she's been like this, either ignoring me or just being different. See, if she _wasn't_ mad at me, she'd have been yelling at the top of her bloody lungs."

          "But if she was yelling at you, she'd be angry at you." Harry was growing increasingly exasperated.

          "Harry, it doesn't work that way." Ron shook his head.

          "Merlin, help me." Harry let his head hit the cushion as he closed his eyes. He felt a terrible headache coming on, and he was afraid that by being alive it would get worse. With his luck, it would probably explode by detention that evening. 

          "I'm going to send an owl to Bill, Harry. I'll see you later."

          "Yes, well, mind you bring an Unforgivable with you when you do." 

Ron stopped from his track to the exit. "What?"

          "Never mind. I think I just need some sleep." 

          "Sounds good, mate. You've been acting stressed lately."

Harry turned his head at an odd angle so he could look Ron in the eye. "Go send your letter, Ron. I beg of you."

          "Well, I guess it doesn't take much to show a guy who is real friends are." In a huff, Ron left.

Harry sat for a moment, wondering whether to laugh or cry. Crying probably wouldn't do much for his image, thanks to the articles written by Rita Skeeter the past year. Laughing, it seemed, wouldn't do much good either, as it would add to Fudge's belief he was off his broomstick.

He settled for sitting in the peace and quiet, musing only half-heartedly what it would take to make his best friends realize they were crazy for each other. Not to mention just plain old crazy. 

***

          "Who in the world ever decided upon a 'Midnight Detention, who? Aren't we all supposed to be tucked up in our beds, our brains being nurtured by that thing called sleep?"

          "We realize you're tired, Ron. Just shut up and walk." Harry, who was in now mood to be pleasant, yawned and walked up to the door of Filch's office. It was lucky he didn't knock immediately, for as soon as he raised his hand Filch was revealed, a very irritated looking Filch. 

          "Late. Always _late_. You wouldn't a been late if you were hangin' from your toes in the dungeon."

Ron, Hermione, and Harry all looked at each other warily, and then back at Filch. "I suppose it wouldn't help if I said we were sorry?" tried Hermione.

          "No, now follow me." With that, the foursome set off, nobody saying a word. After five minutes or so, they reached the dungeons, which were even more dank and dreary than they usually were. A long corridor led them to none other than Snape's classroom, though Snape was nowhere in sight. Filch didn't notice as all three students let out large sighs of relief. "You two!" Filch pointed at Ron and Hermione. "Hand over your wands, you'll get 'em back when you're done. Potter, the headmaster wants a word."

          "What do you want us to do?" asked Hermione after she'd given Filch her wand. 

A sinister grin crossed the old man's face. "Why, didn't I mention that? I want you to scrub this floor until it shines like glass. And remember, I've got your wands."

Hermione didn't think the punishment sounded _too_ bad until she looked down. A groan escaped her as she realized that the floor here had probably never been cleaned before, judging by the amount of dirt that covered her. But on the second hand…

          "It didn't look this dirty during class today," Ron mused aloud.

          "Yes, I heard Professor Snape mention that. Seems he magicked all the dirt off the ceiling an' this is where it landed. Pity." He smiled again. "Well, have fun." He and Harry left then, leaving Ron and Hermione with their two sponges, rags, and bucket of soapy water.

Filch dropped Harry off at the door to the Headmaster's office, cackling about Harry's expulsion. Harry found this rather unbelievable, however, as he hadn't really done anything. It had been Ron who threw the punch at Malfoy, and while he would have gladly done the same, he really hadn't broken a school rule in weeks. Or was it days? Harry would have to think on that.

          "Come in, Harry." Dumbledore's voice broke Harry out of his reverie. Without hesitating, he swung open the door and met the smiling face of Albus Dumbledore.

          "Hello, Professor."

Dumbledore glanced at the clocks that were lined up next to each other on the far wall. On one the little hand was on the twelve, and the larger one on the five. The other clock was more interesting, reading: Waaaay past your bedtime, so go to bed like a sensible person. "Good Morning," he said when he looked back.

          "In light of recent events, I thought it best to leave Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger to their own devices while I told you something much less enjoyable…at least, you may think it is." Dumbledore's voice was grave, but his eyes hadn't lost of their beloved twinkle.

          "It _is_ almost Spring, Professor, it was almost strange, not having a disaster to face."

Dumbledore laughed, "Sit down, Harry, and cheer up. This will only be a disaster if we let it. Sit down, and I will tell you everything." 

The conversation lasted for over an hour, and when Harry left the office, he was more than a little shell-shocked. The Order of the Phoenix…that was what Dumbledore had called it. The other things though, they too lingered in his memories. He'd been given a choice: relay the conversation he'd just taken part in to Ron and Hermione later that night, or let it rest on him a while. Dumbledore had given him a week to decided on his decision. Harry chose the latter and started walking back towards the Gryffindor Common Room, ready to stay up waiting for Ron and Hermione. He'd been given immunity to come and go as he pleased that night, but he didn't really plan on making use of the gift bestowed by the aged professor.

When he stepped into Gryffindor Tower Harry found himself confronted by none other than Ginny Weasley. She was immediately at his side, looking for traces of emotion on his face.

          "Ginny, what are you doing?" Harry asked.

          "Where _were_ you all tonight? Detention doesn't last until two in the bloody morning!" Harry blushed sheepishly, he should have known that a late arrival would equal worry from anybody who knew of the situation that he usually participated in during the middle of the night—which was just about everybody. The fact that Ginny had stayed up waiting for them was what made guilt invade his senses, however. She, most of all, knew what things went creep in the night.

          "Actually, I ended up talking to Professor Dumbledore. Ron and Hermione should still be cleaning the dungeon floor."

Ginny looked Harry up and down before nodding. Harry recognized the fact that she wasn't going to press him about his meeting with the headmaster, and was very thankful for it. Truthfully, he had nothing to say.

          "Well, let's go see what your friends are up too, shall we?" Ginny held up an Invisibility Cloak that looked suspiciously like Harry's.

          "They're your friends as well, you know," Harry began. Then, recognizing his cloak, raised an eyebrow.

          "Ron gave me permission to use it case of emergencies. If you weren't back by three, I was going to go get Dumbledore, and I didn't want to be caught by Filch on my way."

Harry smiled, "That was very kind of Ron, truly. Next time he'll lend you my Firebolt as well, I'm sure."

Ginny laughed in response, "No, Ron's not _that_ generous."

          "Very true. Now, let's go."

***

When Harry and Ginny reached the dungeon, they heard a distinct bickering emitting from down the hall. Harry grimaced and made a hand gesture towards the door, and Ginny rolled her eyes. 

          "At least now we know why they haven't finished," Ginny whispered. Her breath tickled Harry's cheek, who had just joined her under the cloak, in order to get a closer look at Ron and Hermione's actions.

          "Do you feel bad that we're spying on them again?" Harry said, making sure to keep his voice down. He didn't notice Ginny shiver, in spite of her close proximity with his body. Finally, she regained speech.

          "Not at all, Mr. Bond, not at all." With that, the two moved in for a closer look.

***

          "You're scrubbing it incorrectly!" Hermione grabbed the rag Ron was holding out of his hand. "It's a left to right circle, not just back and forth. Watch." She started to work the grime out of the stones below her. To Ron's chagrin, her way was quite a bit more effective than her own.

"Well, I guess you can give up that dream of becoming the Minister of Magic. Now you can answer your true calling: scrubbing floors for a living." Hermione gave Ron what he had dubbed: "The-really-phsyco-look-that-means-she's-going-to-butcher-me-with-a-cleaver" look.

He gulped.

          "Start scrubbing, Ronald." 

          "Start scrubbing, Ronald." Ron's impersonation of Hermione was awarded when Hermione threw the rag back at Ron, giving a satisfied grin as it landed on his head, sending trickles of dirty water down his face and neck. Ron just glowered at her, which Hermione found only at tiny bit disheartening. If she'd really been thinking properly she may have been alarmed at Ron's lack of response, however, she wasn't, and Ron took full advantage of this.

With a loud _thwap_ a sopping wet sponge hit Hermione square in the face, soaking her body and robes thoroughly. "You are going to pay for that, and dearly, if I have anything to say about it," Hermione said in a deadly calm whisper.

Ron gave her a roguish smile, looking much to happy for Hermione's liking. Slowly, she walked over to the taller boy and opened her mouth to lecture him on protocol, and not just a lecture, mind, but THE lecture. 

Of course, she never got the chance.

***

          "Oh. My. God."

          "Ablahblah."

"English, Harry!" Ginny hissed. None too gently, she poked him in the ribs.

          "Gin…please tell me you're seeing what I'm seeing."

Ginny nodded, a goofy grin on her face. She was only barely able to whisper as she said, "Oh, I am. And it's quite the sight for sore eyes."

          "Ablur…er…bloody hell, Gin." Next, Harry looked down at his watch. "But…hasn't he been kissing her long enough?"

***

Indeed, Ron had grabbed Hermione nearly a full minute beforehand, and he didn't look like he was letting go of her anytime soon. Triggered by Hermione's menacing glare (of all things!) as she looked up—way up—at Ron, Ron  had accomplished what everybody had given up for lost—kissing Hermione. She had looked, in Harry's opinion, as if nothing short of a bomb would end the oncoming tirade, and instead, all it took was a kiss from Ron. Where it came from, nobody knew, but now Ron and Hermione were wrapped in an embrace that seemed straight out of Ginny's favorite romance novel.

          "Come on, James. Our work here is done."

Harry nodded and gave Ginny a smile. "I just hope they give this up before Filch comes back and sees they're not done cleaning."

Ginny frowned. "Little chance of _that_ happening." Suddenly, Ginny gasped. "Merlin, I don't care if he's my brother, he'd better move that hand." Ron ignorantly complied, perhaps because of the mental vibes being sent his way, and Ginny put down her wand. 

          "Wait, Ginny, leave your wand out, let's help them out." Ginny nodded knowingly, then repeated the name of a spell. 

          "Perfect."

Each nodded to the other and uttered the incantation to clean the stones in the dungeon. Harry briefly wondered if the sudden burst of magic would alert the kissing couple to their presence, and was only mildly relieved when they didn't even stop playing tonsil-hockey long enough to notice.

          "Let's go," Ginny said when they'd finished. "At first this was cute, now it's nightmare material." 

***

An all-encompassing warmth had blanketed Hermione the second the boy before her had let his lips meet her own. It was like nothing she'd ever felt before. It had started out with a feeling almost like nausea, before she went numb completely. Her heart was racing, and she was sure Ron could hear it pounding. When her knees gave way, Hermione discovered it wasn't even_ so_ bad when Ron had to support her body-weight, holding her as if she were some china doll.

Ron was in seventh heaven. He did not know what had possessed him to kiss Hermione, but he was sure as hell glad that he'd done so. At first he'd been panicked, more than a tad bit alarmed that she was just standing there. Had he killed her? But no, when he felt her respond he felt that all was right in the world, and he could have taken on You-Know-Who himself.

At one point, much later, Hermione pulled her head back. "I'm sorry, Ron. I'm _really_ sorry for everything I said and did…I was just so…well, I was…"

Ron, with his magnanimous patience, came to her rescue. "Hermione, just tell me. Come on, spit it out already."

Hermione closed her eyes and hid her face in his robes. "I was scared."

Ron looked at her incredulously. "Scared, of me? Why that's the silliest thing I've ever heard. They let you be a prefect? Next they'll be letting me take your spot."

          "In your dreams, buster," she told him. Neither noticed they were still holding the other in their arms.

          "WHAT THE BLAZES IS GOIN' ON!?!?" It was a cruel awakening, but it seemed Argus Filch had come to collect the pair, and with a sickening dread, they realized that a) they had been caught cuddled up together by _Filch_, and b) they hadn't cleaned the floor. Both looked down to their assigned task, and gasped in shock and wonder at its lack of muck.

Harry and Ginny had saved them from one wrath, but it looked as if they'd have to get themselves out of this one. "You see," Ron started, "Hermione was so tired she fainted."

          "Dead away," piped up Hermione.

          "And I simply went to go catch her."

          "Thank Merlin."

          "And really, it's not what you think."

          "Not at all."

Flilch eyed them both warily, taking in their dirt stained faces, which were properly hiding the redness they'd accumulated during their snog fest…er…cleaning.

          "I've had enough of you brats, go on now, git!" he said.

Ron and Hermione needed no further prompting, they ran out past the old caretaker, hand in hand, back towards Gryffindor Tower.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

::Pants::

After all this writing, I hope you all reward me with some reviews. Like a puppy, come on, I know you give them dog biscuits when _they're _good, what about your friendly neighborhood fanfiction writer? Please?


	13. Winners and Losers

Kiss the Girl

**Chapter 12**

**Winners and Losers**

**~*~**

**Author's Note: **Once more, I apologize for the wait on this. However, it's here now, and I hope you enjoy the last chapter before the epilogue. Also, I'd like to point out that the reference to the Order of the Phoenix in the last chapter was just that: a reference. I have no intention of elaborating on it, and only did it because I cannot even fathom what J.K. Rowling has planned for us in the next book. If you wondered why I was so vague while writing about it, you now know. Kudos to all who realized that, and my apologies to those who thought I was turning this into some angsty drama that would go on for 78 more chapters. ^_~

**Disclaimer: **I am not able to put any claim upon Harry Potter and those associated with him. Indeed, I cannot even make a claim to a parking space within one mile of my school. J.K. Rowling owns Harry and Co., but I can't speak for the parking space.

*******

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

**-Friedrich Nietzsche **

*******

When Hermione and Ron collapsed onto the couch in Gryffindor Tower both were still encompassed by fits of laughter. They'd run at top speed to get away from Filch, even hurdling Mrs. Norris at one point in order to get away faster. They were both still in shock that Filch had let them go, and expected the whole trip back to the tower to see his form chasing after them, having changed his mind. The Fat Lady had given them disapproving looks as they entered the common room, obviously annoyed at being awoken so early in the morning. 

However, all the excitement only increased the adrenaline rush they were suffering from, and it wasn't for another ten minutes that they could stop laughing. Both were a mess by that time, their robes stained with filth from all the "cleaning" they'd done in the dungeon. There wasn't even the slimmest chance that Gilderoy Lockhart would have nominated them for the award he distributed every year, the "Almost As Gorgeous As Me But Not Quite" Award (it had been discontinued, however, for obvious reasons after their second year, much to the media's misery.) 

          "I feel like I'm dreaming," Hermione finally said. "This night has been so…peculiar."

Ron smiled. "Which part? The one where I kissed you or the one where you told Filch you fainted."

          "Both actually. And for your information _you_ told Filch I fainted." Hermione pretended to be cross.

          "Right, but I didn't tell him you fainted "dead away"." 

          "Oh, shut it!" Hermione leaned over to swat Ron on the side of the head. She wasn't fast enough, though, as Ron caught her hand and grasped it in his own. Both stopped bickering abruptly and stared at each other, unable to make any sort of movement. Slowly, Ron took Hermione's hand and placed it palm down in his own, entwining his calloused fingers through her soft ones.

The recipient of this gesture said nothing, though her heart was beating wildly. A tiny fraction of her mind was scolding her, telling her it wasn't right that she and Ron were sitting alone by the fire, without an escort in sight. An even larger bit was whooping and cheering, and if given shape might have even been holding large banners with encouraging statements. 

          "What are you thinking about?" Ron's voice broke through Hermione's stupor, and she shook her head before smiling up at him.

          "I was thinking that, for the first time in my life, I'm glad I got detention." This made Ron blush furiously, and Hermione's smile widened. "I guess Snape actually did us a favor," she continued.

Ron blanched, "Please, don't even _think_ such a thing. If Snape were doing us favors the whole order of life would have to be rearranged and altered."

Hermione didn't respond, only stared at the boy who had kissed her only fifteen minutes beforehand. Her stare became intense without her knowledge, and she subconsciously studied every inch of his face.

          "Hermione, you're getting kind of creepy," Ron protested, squirming in his chair. "Like you're going to pounce any moment."

Still Hermione didn't move, just watched him. Suddenly, she extracted her hand from Ron's and brought it to his cheek for a moment. "Do you remember the first time we met, Ron?"

          "How could I forget?" Ron studied her anxiously. "You came into our compartment looking for Neville's toad."

          "What if I told you that I knew Trevor wasn't in there, and that you hadn't seen him?"

Ron put a hand to Hermione's forehead. "I'd say you need sleep."

Hermione brushed the hand away and hurried on. "I saw you in there, sitting with Harry, and I wanted to meet you. You had a smudge of dirt on your nose, just like you do now."

Ron started to rub furiously at his nose, until Hermione's giggling stopped him. "I think you've made it worse." 

Ron grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like Hermione in a much higher pitch before continuing the conversation. "You wanted to meet me, you say? You got in there and treated me like the scum of the earth." 

Hermione shrugged, "It seemed like the right direction to go in at the time. Anyway, it's not like you were nice to me."

          "Well, I'll tell you one thing," Ron said with a sly grin. "I plan on being much nicer to you from now on." With that he leaned in and cupped her face in his one hand, then leaned in for a kiss. Hermione obliged, deepening it even.

It occurred to Hermione that when she kissed Ron he was an entirely different person. He wasn't the boy she was kissing, but the man he would one day become. In his kiss lay her future, her past, and quite the pleasant present. For the first time in her life she realized why Parvati and Lavender obsessed over their first kiss, and why they adored having a boyfriend so much. However, with that thought came another, one that immediately caused Hermione to break the kiss.

          "What is it?" said Ron, eyeing her warily.

          "This isn't just some fling, is it, Ron? You're not just kissing me because you want to kiss somebody, are you? Because if it is, and you are, I swear I'll never speak to you again! I've been pouring out my soul to you, and you may not even feel that way about _me_! Tomorrow you could wake up and be totally—"

Ron put a hand on Hermione's lips, his brows furrowed. "Stop," he said, "just stop." Hermione opened her lips to protest. "No talking. Not. One. Word." Ron took his hand off and looked the girl dead in the eye. "For somebody who's got the highest marks in the class, you can be incredibly dense."

"I'm not!"

Ron put up a hand. "No speaking, Hermione. Now, listen. I've been trying for months to have this moment. I've become something so obsessive and sick that it's not even funny. I'm always thinking about you, and when I'm not doing that, I'm thinking about if you're thinking about me. I've made a complete fool of myself lately trying to get that message into your head." When he was done Hermione had the dignity to look ashamed.

          "What's that?" Ron put a hand to his ear, causing Hermione to look around the room.

          "What, what?" she asked.

          "It was Hermione Granger…and she was speechless."

          "Ron!" Hermione grabbed an end pillow and started to pummel it into Ron's head. The romance that had filled the area only moments ago was replaced by a warmth that had no definition whatsoever.

          "Hey! Ouch! Watch it, Hermione!" Alas, Ron's pleas for help went unanswered. 

***

It was an evil grin that had spread across Fred Weasley's face as he looked out on the scene in the Gryffindor Common Room. His twin, George, looked equally malevolent as he rubbed his hands together in glee. "Freddy boy, I feel as if it should be illegal for us to be enjoying life so much."

          "It's not. It was, however, when we took a ride on Lee's old carpet. Good thing his Mum never found about that one," Fred replied.

Fred and George Weasley didn't move from their places behind the large red curtains that hung over the tower's large windows. Luckily, those they were watching didn't hear their voices, as they were rapped up in the pillow fight of the century.

          "So, how do you think we should spread the news tomorrow?" one twin asked the other.

Both put a finger on their own respective chins, a trademark sign of devilish planning. At last, George spoke up. "Why don't we…"

***

When Ron and Hermione finally stopped battering each other with their weapons of choice (Ron had upgraded to a couch cushion only seconds into the battle) both were completely breathless, and not to mention exhausted. As they prepared to go to bed Hermione looked at Ron fondly. The redhead prepared himself for some mushy words on how much she cared for him.

          "Don't forget, we have a study session with those Ravenclaws tomorrow, you have to be up early." Hermione started to walk up the stairs.

          "What?!?!" Ron's jaw dropped.

          "Don't you remember, Ron? We're studying for the History of Magic exam."

Ron put a hand on the back of his head. "Sure I remember, Hermione, but that's no way to tell a guy goodnight."

          "Honestly, Ron. What do you want me to do, profess my undying love to you?"

Ron kicked the floor with his foot. "A peck on the cheek would have done well," he muttered.

To his surprise, Hermione laughed, causing him to look up at her twinkling eyes. He noticed the black circles under them and briefly wondered if he looked much the same.

          "Goodnight, Ron." Hermione started to ascent the staircase.

          "G'night," Ron murmured, turning to go himself. Sadly, he didn't make it very far, for the second he tried to put his foot on the stair he tumbled backwards, and in the end landed flat on his rear.

          "Oh…" Ron shook his head a little to clear it. "Why do I feel like fate is telling me I can never get to bed?"

          "Ron, are you alright?" Hermione had come back down the stairs the instant she heard Ron crash, and was now examining him fretfully.

The boy grimaced. "I think so, but what did I trip over?"

Hermione looked towards the stairs and raised an eyebrow. "There's nothing there, you must have just stumbled on your feet."

Ron shook his head. "I'm telling you, it was like running into a wall." With hesitant steps he walked over to the stairs, feeling very foolish as he prepared to poke it with his wand. _Lucky Filch threw these at us as we were leaving_, he thought to himself. Finally, Ron gave the air a prod.

          "Ouch!" Harry's voice came out of nowhere, and it was distinctly groggy. "I wanna go back to sleep, Hedwig." If there had been any doubt in Ron and Hermione's minds as to who their "attacker" was, they were now quite assured.

          "Why you little bugger." Ron reached out a hand and pulled off what had to be the Invisibility Cloak, ignoring Hermione's comment on his language. What he saw made him drop the clock back down on Harry's head, and when he turned to Hermione he was sputtering like a madman.

          "What is it?" Hermione quickly pulled the cloak away herself, expecting to find Harry in a pool of blood, or something equally horrific.

Instead, she saw what brought a smile to her face. Ron, however, didn't share her fondness for the sight. For there sat Harry and Ginny, cuddled up on the stair. Harry had his head resting against the wall, and Ginny's was on his shoulder. Her arm was resting lightly against his chest, and in turn his circled behind her. They were the picture of bliss with Ginny's long hair spread out around them like a golden-red blanket. They had obviously been spying on their friends (and in Ginny's case, her brother) but had lost interest somewhere during their attempt, falling fast asleep.

          "Aren't they adorable?" Hermione asked.

Ron made a face to show he thought them anything but "adorable." "They're revolting, that's what they are! To think, Harry taking advantage of my own sister, I—"

The rant was cut short as Hermione fixed him with a pointed glare. "Ron, you will let them be. I doubt they planned this!"

          "They better not have," Ron threatened.

Rolling her eyes, Hermione put a hand on Ginny's shoulder. "Ginny?" Hermione shook the girl a bit, and was not disappointed as a pair of disoriented eyes stared back at her. 

          "Where am I?" Ginny looked around and was shocked to find herself resting against Harry, who had awoken up with Ginny's jolt. Each turned a brilliant shade of scarlet, and Ginny promptly got up and ran to her dormitory.

          "Didn't plan this, eh?" Ron shot Hermione a look, but was ignored.

          "Harry, what were you thinking?" Ron smiled as he listened to the lecture that Hermione would shortly be delivering to his friend. "You should be in bed!" she continued, causing Ron to stare at her in incredulity. He was so shocked that he could only follow as Harry started up to the large chamber they slept in when not having pillow fights and playing matchmaker.

          "Harry, I've got a bone to pick with you—" Ron was cut off by a large yawn from Harry.

          "No you don't, there's nothing to pick. Now, go to bed or I'll tell Filch what really happened in that dungeon."

Ron just stood in justifiable shock as Harry plopped on his bed and fell asleep.

***

The next morning was quite an interesting event. As it was a Saturday, most students had decided to sleep in and reap the benefits of a class-free 48 hours. Of course, Harry, Hermione, and Ron had had to wake up bright and early to participate in their study group. It finished at about ten, and all were left to their own devices. 

The new couple that was Ron and Hermione had the matchmakers that were Harry and Ginny basking in the glory of their genius (but neither did so together, as they were avoiding each other after the incidents of the night before.) The two fifth-years acted a bit odd around each other at first (neither said a word to each other until they actually reached the study group), but eventually got back into a routine. They even managed to bicker over the way Ron was taking notes—which stemmed from Ron's improper bulleting method—much to Harry's amusement. He found it was even more amusing when they'd pulled their chairs closer to each other in the library, something that had never before been done.

When the three were finished, and on their way to the Great Hall for a late breakfast, Hermione looked over at Harry and bit her lip. She opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. After a moment she just stopped walking all together, causing Harry and Ron to walk back to her.

          "Hello, is anybody there?" Ron waved a hand up and down in front of her eyes, causing her to swipe it away impatiently.

          "I just—well, it's Harry. He's been bothering me all morning."

Harry's eyes opened widely. "What did I do?" 

Ron's did the same. "Yeah, what did he do?"

Hermione gave both boys an annoyed glare. "He didn't _do_ anything! It's just…I never considered how awkward he may feel by you and I being more than just friends. If I'd been myself, I could have made a list of the pros and cons that are a result of—"

          "Hermione!" Harry cut his friend off before she could go on, noticing that Ron looked a bit concerned as well.

          "Well, Harry, she's right," interjected the redhead. "It's not fair for you, to be hanging around with us when we make you feel weird."

Harry groaned. "You don't, I swear. Neither of you are into scarring public displays of affection, and I really have been expecting this for a while now."

          "You have?" Hermione looked taken aback.

Harry looked at Ron, who was trying to send a telepathic message to Harry that contained a detailed list of all the reasons why he shouldn't let Hermione in on the matchmaking scheme that had been going on for the last few months.

          "Erm…well, yeah. I mean, the Yule Ball last year kind of gave it away."

Ron shot Harry a look that could kill, and Harry found out why only moments later. "Oh yes, that's right!" Hermione was saying. "Ron was acting absolutely horrible about my going with Viktor, I still can't believe you were so immature." The last part of her rant was directed at Ron.

          "How was I supposed to know you weren't going to fall madly in love with Krum?! How'd you like it if you realized the girl you liked was dating a Quidditch star from Bulgaria?"

Much to Ron's surprise (and initial alarm) Hermione's eyes softened as he spoke. "You were scared I'd fall in love with Viktor? You liked me?" she asked.

Ron mumbled what might have passed for a forfeit, and Harry had to try very hard not to roll his eyes. Even after they had admitted their feelings to one another, they still acted floored whenever they were reminded.

          "Okay, you two. Let's get some food, I'm starving." Both Ron and Hermione smiled sheepishly at their actions. The three walked off, smiling and laughing about the things that friends talk about, and as they did so, all noticed with intense relief that very little had changed between them.

***

The Great Hall seemed to be filled with hungry students who had slept in. Some were speaking loudly while other stared down at their breakfast, wishing they had given in to sleeping into the afternoon.

          "Oi! You three!" Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked up to see Fred and George Weasley standing on their seats and pointing to them. Ron looked horrified, and walked over to ask his brothers what was going on. Hermione and Harry followed, equally curious. When all three surrounded the Weasley twins, George cleared his throat.    

          "Hear ye, hear ye!" Fred began. He had amplified his voice to reach all corners of the hall, and all were looking up with interest. Luckily for the twins, it was only Dumbledore and McGonagall who sat at the staff table, drinking their morning tea as they waited for the rush of students to subside.

          "Right then," George continued. "On this day, my brother Fred and I can proudly announce the commitment of our brother Ron to Hermione Granger. As of early this morning they became a couple, and that means we have a winner in the pool!"

          "It's me, it's me! I did it, I won!" A sixth-year Hufflepuff was up in a flash, running over to Fred and George. "My winnings, please." She held out a hand. Fred nodded to George, who handed the Hufflepuff some coins. Audible moans could be hear from all four tables in the hall as those who had not won the pool Fred and George had held repented choosing another date on which to place their money.  

          "Of course, there's another winner, but he chose to remain anonymous," George continued. Harry couldn't be sure, but he thought he'd seen Fred wink at the headmaster. Ron and Hermione were bright red by this point, and Hermione was raging about the lack of ethics involved in gambling.

Harry looked around the Gryffindor table and noticed Ginny staring at him intently. He caught her gaze, and to his surprise she held it, only revealing the tiniest trace of a blush. She smiled, and he knew that he could rely on her to act as if what had happened between _them_ last night had never come to pass. _Perhaps in a few months_, Harry thought, _if I'm not off fighting evil, I'll remind her of it._

Nobody in the hall noticed it, but Draco Malfoy took out a list that had been folded into countless squares and began to add on to it.

 ***

Meanwhile, at the staff table, Professor McGonagall was passing the sugar to Professor Dumbledore. Both were watching the activities before them with unusual leniency. However, one was smiling and one was not.

          "Honestly, Albus! I'm surprised you let this scandalous behavior continue," she was not smiling said.

He who _was_ smiling replied, "Now, Minerva. You're just upset that I won and you didn't."

McGonagall frowned and stirred her tea a little harder than was necessary. "I wonder why that could be."

An eyebrow was raised. "Are you suggesting that I won by fowl play," asked Dumbledore.

          "No, Albus, you know I would never go that far. I simply find it quite surprising that you won this bet as easily as the one on James Potter and Lily Evans."  

The headmaster sipped at his tea demurely. "I'm simply lucky, that's all. I'm sure I won't win the one that's going on concerning Mr. Potter and Miss Weasley."

McGonagall's annoyance was anything but reflected. "Yes, that's what you always say." She glared as Dumbledore smiled at her innocently. She vowed then and there to keep a closer eye on Hogwart's chief of staff. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

That was it, folks, the last chapter. It was quite hard to write, as my fingers were reluctant to bring this story that I've grown to love so dearly to an end. Do not fear, however, as an epilogue is in progress. And let me tell you, it's going to be good!

Please review!


	14. Epilogue

Kiss the Girl

**Epilogue**

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**Author's Notes**: Finally, the epilogue is done. I can't believe it, really. Thank you to everybody who stayed on for the ride. More at the bottom.

**Disclaimer**: No ownership is claimed. None. Zip. Zero. Why are you still reading this?

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For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.

**Rainer Maria Rilke**

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Spring came to Hogwarts when nobody was looking, brining with it a battle against evil and the triumph of good…for a little while, at least. The Order of the Phoenix had held strong when put to the test, and Ron, Harry, and Hermione were all the better for it.   

Spring gave way to summer and exams, and finally it was the last week before the Hogwarts Express carried all the students to their respective homes. The year had defiantly been a trial, but the results made it all worth it. Ron and Hermione still fought daily, but the bickering was broken up between shy glances and stolen kisses. Poor Harry and Ginny would have been more disturbed by this monster they had created, but they were too busy trying to avoid each other to sit down and discuss the putty they had molded into Hogwarts' most interesting couple. 

This _was_ noticed, however, by said interesting couple, and it was then that a plan was devised. 

The beginning of June was truly a wonderful time at Hogwarts, especially for those who were in some sort of adolescent relationship. Ron and Hermione particularly enjoyed sitting under a large tree by the lake, where they could often be found talking quietly and blushing madly, as they were now. Harry made a point never to accompany them to this particular spot, knowing that everybody deserves a little privacy. 

          "Ron," Hermione said, when the couple had settled in. "Something has to be done about Harry and Ginny."

          "Matchmaking is out of the question, Hermione. I adamantly refuse to ever go through that sort of hell again."

Hermione looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Because it worked out so badly for you last time?"

Ron laughed awkwardly, realizing belatedly he'd said something stupid. Ah well, it happened daily, more or less. "No, I didn't mean it _that_ way. I just meant that it wasn't exactly fun trying to get you to like me."

          "I already did like you, you prat, you were just too busy eating parchment to notice."

          "I thought we agreed that we'd never talk about that!" Ron whined, his tongue drying up at the mere memory of the escapade. 

Hermione only smiled. "You agreed, I didn't."

"Some girlfriend you are," Ron mumbled. However, this comment was cancelled out by the grip he'd taken on her hand.

Hermione put her head on Ron's shoulder, a gesture she would never have done if there had been actual people around. Hermione wasn't exactly PDA friendly.

          "I just don't see why we can't help them out a little," Hermione said. "Harry and Ginny would be good for each other. Ginny would keep Harry's mind off of You-Know-Who and Harry's been the love of Ginny's life from the time she was ten."

          "If you ask me," Ron said, "Ginny is much to young to be _together_ with anybody. She should wait until she's out of Hogwarts at the very least."

          "Good thing nobody asked you then," Hermione quipped. 

Ron sighed and stared out at the lake. "Well, if you insist on doing this, we might as well do it right."

***

Fred and George smiled evilly at the large group of people that stood all around them in one of the dungeons unused chambers. Cobwebs and iron chains were hanging off the walls, and Neville Longbottom kept eyeing them fearfully while edging closer to Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown. The other members of the group were Ron, Hermione, Lee Jordan, Dean Thomas, and Seamus Finnegan. 

Somewhere in the castle Harry was wondering if he had missed a class of some sorts, upon viewing that every one of his year mates was missing. 

          "Alright then, this is some last minute fun before we have to leave," Fred was saying. "It's all planned out, and everybody has a job to play. This is going to be the most amazing show all of Hogwarts has ever seen, seeing as George and I plan on going out with bang."

          "Probably quite literally," Dean muttered to Seamus.

          "It will be tonight, at six o'clock sharp," George was saying. "Everybody is going to have to leave the Great Hall early, except for Ron and Hermione."

          "You two are going to get the subjects down to the lake by any means possible," Fred continued.

          "What do you want us to do, throw them in a sack and lug them down over our shoulders?" Ron cried.

Fred and George looked at each other, and then shrugged. "Sounded good to us," George said. Ron rolled his eyes.

          "This is so romantic!" Lavender squealed, the excitement of their plan finally getting to her. Parvati giggled next to her, causing multiple persons to wonder why exactly they had agreed to participate in what they were about to do.

          "Right, anyway," George said. "You are all free to go, and may the force be with you."

Neville looked around confused. "The what?"

***

Neither Harry nor Ginny saw it coming.

Both had just finished dinner and were planning on going back to the Common Room to relax, never dreaming that they were the victims of one of the larger conspiracies of Hogwart's history. However, they were, and there was no escaping what was planned for them.

          "Harry," Ron said, making sure Hermione was moving towards Ginny out of the corner of his eye. "There's something by the lake I think you should see."

          "What is it?" asked Harry, perplexed at Ron's shifting eyes.

          "Er…what is it?" Ron damned Harry for having a brain and the ability to ask questions.

          "Yeah, as in, why should I go down to the lake with you? You okay, Ron?" 

Ron forced a laugh. "Oh, me, I'm fine! I just _really_ need you to see this. It's a…erm…a surprise!"

Ron Weasley, the next Albert Einstein.

Harry got up, shaking his head, and followed Ron out the door. Hermione, meanwhile, had told Ginny a much more convincing story about a rare flower that was blooming on the lake's shore. If she had known Ron's tactic ("It's a…erm…a surprise!) perhaps she would have made one up for him, too.

Ron and Hermione had arranged things so that Ron and Harry would leave the castle five minutes before Hermione and Ginny did. In this aspect, at least, Ron had no problems. He lead Harry down to the water's edge, examining his friend the entire way. He didn't look suspicious, just pale and worn out from the past year. If Ron had any grievances remaining about the plan his brother's had created, they left him then.

          "Over there," Ron said. He pointed to some large reeds. He led Harry behind them, revealing a rickety old row boat that had defiantly see better days. "Isn't it great?"

          "Um, sure, Ron…" Harry scratched his head. "We're not getting _in_ that thing, are we?"

          "Of course we're not!" Ron assured him. He was being totally truthful to. After all 'we' would mean Harry and himself, in actuality only Harry would be stepping inside the vehicle (for lack of a better word.)

          "Whose boat is this?" Harry asked, walking up to it slowly. 

          "I dunno who made it originally, but Hagrid had it behind his shed." 

Harry ran his hand against the frame. "It was probably really nice at one point," he said. What he saw next made him gasp.

          "What, what?" Ron ran to Harry, grabbing his arm when he reached him. "Is it your scar? Are you in pain? Should I get Dumbledore? Are you hurt? Harry? Harry!" Of course, Harry couldn't reply because he was being shaken within an inch of his life.

          "RON, I'M FINE!" Harry finally screamed. The redhead released Harry sheepishly. 

          "Well what did you gasp for then?" Ron muttered. Harry rolled his eyes.

          "Look at this." Harry indicated to a carving that decorated one of the boat's benches. Ron leaned towards it, distinguishing a pair of initials wrapped in a heart. JP + LE, the heart read.

          "Yeah, so?" Ron asked.

          "Ron!" Harry exclaimed. "These are my parents, they used this boat!" 

          "Oh, wow, Harry…that's great." Ron patted Harry on his back, not sure what to do given the current situation. Goodness knows they were too manly to hug or something else utterly girly. 

Just then Ginny and Hermione emerged from behind the reeds, causing Harry to look up with a start. Ron shoved Harry into the boat, then did the same to Ginny. How he accomplished not to throw either into the water is still a mystery.

          "What are you doing?" Hermione hissed, hitting Ron's arm. "You weren't supposed to _shove_ them."

Ron looked unimpressed. "Well I didn't use a sack now, did I?"

Harry and Ginny had finally managed to right themselves when a mysterious sound caught their attention. It sounded like grass blowing in the wind, but with a more musical quality. After a few seconds wind chimes joined the ensemble. "What's going on?" Ginny asked.

Harry had no idea, and he told her so. 

That's when Ginny turned her head to the left and saw a large wooden platform erected by the lake's shore. On it stood Lee Jordan, wearing a dashing set of robes and dark sunglasses. Parvati and Lavender stood behind him, each wearing matching magenta robes. If that weren't odd enough, large, beautiful fire works were going off behind the trio, in all the colors of the rainbow. Fred and George could be seen activating the lights nearby. Nobody noticed Dean and Seamus, who were hidden behind a tree, causing the musical qualities to emerge from all the nearby plants. Neville, the last of the group (though Harry and Ginny had no way of knowing this,) was absent, having fallen down a flight of stairs and landed himself a stay in the hospital wing.

          "Oh dear," Ginny whispered. Harry only nodded.

          "Hey there kids," Lee called, his voice magically amplified. "We've got a little present for you, one that we've put quite a bit of planning into."

That's when he began to sing.

_"There, you see her_

_Sitting there across the way  
She don't got a lot to say  
But there's something about her  
And you don't know why  
But you're dying to try  
You wanna kiss the girl…"_

Harry gazed at Ginny with wide eyes, being just reminded why he hadn't spent any time with her recently. Ginny just sat across from him, staring at the ground demurely. Suddenly, a large heart shaped firework erupted in the sky. 

  
Lee just laughed as if it were all part of the song, a three ring circus put on to bedazzle the eyes. It probably was.

"_Yes, you want her  
Look at her, you know you do  
Possible she wants you too  
There is one way to ask her  
It don't take a word  
Not a single word  
Go on and kiss the girl…"_  
  


Lavender and Parvati moved in front of Lee, each blowing kisses at him as they did so. The next part they sang in unison, and it was the perfect part for them. 

  
"S_ha la la la la la  
My oh my  
Look like the boy too shy  
Ain't gonna kiss the girl  
Sha la la la la la  
Ain't that sad?  
Ain't it a shame?  
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl…"_

"I'm not even sixteen yet, you nutters!" Harry suddenly screamed, standing up in the boat. It swayed precariously, causing Ginny to shriek and pull him down.

"Are you crazy?" she asked him.

Harry opened his mouth to retort, but stopped when he saw the look in her eyes. She was terrified. He slowly sat down next to her, putting her hand in his. "I'm not going to let you fall out, you know."  
  
_"Now's your moment  
Floating in a blue lagoon  
Boy you better do it soon  
No time will be better  
She don't say a word  
And she won't say a word  
Until you kiss the girl…"  
_  
Ginny blushed at the lyrics of the song, hoping Harry had some how managed to block them out. Sure they were _really, really_ loud, but hey…maybe he was deaf?

Or not.

It was Lavender and Parvati's turn again.

_"Sha la la la la la  
Don't be scared  
You got the mood prepared  
Go on and kiss the girl  
Sha la la la la la  
Don't stop now  
Don't try to hide it how  
You want to kiss the girl…"_

"This really is very silly," Ginny said. "I mean, where do they even get the idea that you'd want to kiss me?"

"Or where you would want to kiss me," Harry agreed. 

"Would you?" Ginny squeaked.

"Would I what?" 

"Oh never mind!" Ginny looked out at the water, watching as her brothers' light show reflected in the ripples. She knew she could have used her wand to get them both back to shore, but a part of her still hoped…

But she was being silly. She knew that, and she sighed.

Harry, on the other hand, was studying Ginny's hair. Dusk and the fireworks made it look mysterious, coming alive one second in a brilliant red and back into gray the moment it was dark again. He had to remind himself she had only just turned fifteen, and that they both were very young.

His eyes caught the heart engraved in the boat's wooden seat. His parents had married before they were twenty, he remembered, not that much older than he and Ginny were now.

At that instant Harry didn't care that they had audience, or that all of Hogwarts was probably watching by now. He looked down at Ginny and thought of all the times she had talked to him that past year, laughed with him, made him smile. And she didn't think he wanted to kiss her, something that was totally ridiculous…

And something he was only just noticing to be so.

"Ginny?" he said softly. She turned her head to look at him.  
  


_"Sha la la la la la  
Float along  
And listen to the song  
The song say kiss the girl  
Sha la la la la  
The music play  
Do what the music say  
You got to kiss the girl…"  
  
_

And Harry did just what the song said. He leaned in and cupped Ginny's face gently, fumbling a bit with where to place his face. He heard her intake of breath, and felt how rigid her hand was in his. Suddenly, fear gripped him, and he started to move away. Ginny, however, wasn't about to let that happen. With courage nobody knew her to possess she closed the distance between them and let her lips meet Harry's. 

Behind them Fred and George had let ten fireworks all fly into the sky to burst at once. 

Ginny and Harry's first kiss was illuminated by the light's splendor, but they didn't notice it. Ron and Hermione did, and they exchanged a high five before trading the gesture in for a more intimate congratulations.

Lavender and Parvati sighed dreamily, then turned their gazes to Seamus and Dean as if the boys were pieces of meat. 

The Weasley twins _would_ have stayed longer, but at that exact moment Filch came running out after the pair, screaming bloody murder and cursing them, fire, color, and anything else that got in the way. Mrs. Norris howled beside him, thoroughly enjoying the chase the Weasley twins were bound to give them.

In the Headmaster's tower Dumbledore stood with Professor McGonagall, laughing delightedly at the spectacle before him.

          "Really, Albus, I think this had gone on long enough," he heard Minerva saying. He didn't comment on the fact that she had had her eyes transfixed on the scene with quite a bit of interest for the last five minutes. 

          "Love is in the air, Professor," he told her. "If only I were a young man. Alas, I am now only a spectator."

          "Indeed," huffed his colleague. "Now are we going to go over the list I brought you or not?"

Harry and Ginny were immune to all of this though. After a brief meeting of lips they pulled away to stare at each other, then began laughing hysterically. All of the tension they'd harbored for months disappeared and was replaced by something much better. For the first time in awhile Harry felt light, free from the burdens that were fated to rest on his too-young shoulders. Ginny was blushing madly as she laughed, as if she couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry. It appeared the former was winning.

Lee Jordan continued on for the last verse, a satisfied grin on his face.

_"You've got to kiss the girl  
You wanna kiss the girl  
You've gotta kiss the girl  
Go on and kiss the girl."_

Harry did not get another chance to kiss Ginny, though. For in one quick flash a giant tentacle reached out into the air and tossed their boat right out of the water. Harry grasped Ginny's hand and felt her grab onto it madly. They flew for one brief moment before they landed in the shallow section of the lake. After a good deal of thrashing and falling over they managed to stand up and march out of the lake. Ron and Hermione ran up to meet them, Hermione looking frantic and Ron howling with mirth. They remained hand in hand, ready to face any obstacles the next few years would put before them.

To this day nobody knows whose matchmaking scheme worked out the best. The story behind the schemes lived on forever, though, pieces of otherworldly legend that were never forgotten.

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First off, a big thank you to everybody who has ever given time to read and review this story. It's my baby, and your praise for it has simply been incredible. I can only hope I returned the favor while writing this.

And just in case you're worried that I'm going to disappear, I'm letting you know that I'll be back with another story I've already started writing. Here's a nice long summary.

Post-Hogwarts. Ron Weasley and Harry Potter secure passes to the most elite wizarding spa for their wives (guess who) in hopes of scoring a few brownie points. What they're not expecting, however, is the pandemonium that will erupt when they're left home to watch the kids. Throw in a large pack of Weasleys, a mischievous black dog, a would-be seductress that won't go away, and more caffeine and sugar than any human-being should be allowed to consume, and you've got a weekend with Ron and Harry. They might have survived Voldemort, but will their children be as kind?  

Expect it to be out some time in May, and in the meanwhile tell me what you think about this story. Do you have ideas that you want to add? Remember, all of this is subject to change.

Email me at:

Fleur422@yahoo.com 


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